If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

Because they are lazy fuckers, mostly. Yes there will be a minority who genuinely can't get involved for whatever reason. But must people could if they really wanted to but don't. Someone else will do it. They're too busy, or have CHILDREN you know!

Usual halo polishing and PTA grandstanding @viques. LOL at unabashed brag
And for the record the PTA mums their kids do get lead roles in plays etc
because they hector,berate and really want it
No odds to me,my kids are shepherd no #14
When you’re an adult before any significant event no one asks oh hang on what part on the play were you?...

Volunteering with adults is just the same.

I was part on the committee of a singing group. We asked that people:-

Put the chairs away after singing
Once in a blue moon when all the committee members were away open up
Buy biscuits/tea bags (from petty cash given by committee).

The group folded because no fucker would do anything.

You then get snotty correspondence about how much the group is missed and how we remove people’s social lives 🙄

I attend lots of playgroups all parent or church volunteer ran and other than helping to tidy up id never be an official volunteer i attend to have a chat, a change of scenery not to work. You make yours sound a bit over complicated ive never been to one with more than 2 volunteers at one time and everyone attending helps pack the toys away.

Yanbu

You should make it a rule or condition of joining the group that parents also volunteer.

Not everyone does have the same number of hours in a day. I work full time shifts for the emergency services. I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old, and I am a registered carer for my elderly father in law. My husband also works full time shifts.

My best friend has one nearly 3 year old. She doesn't work and doesn't care for any relatives. Her husband has a good job and she is both time and money rich.

I try and attend toddler groups where I can to socialise my 2 year old. I couldn't volunteer to help out on a weekly basis as my shifts change from week to week. I do stay behind and tidy where I can, but sometimes I have to leave early to get to work. I can't volunteer as a member of the PTA as I can't make most of the meetings however I do try to help out on the occasions I can.

We both may have 24 hours in our day, but our time is taken up very differently.

I find that attitude horrible. You have no idea whether people are giving back or not. Just because they are not giving back to your group, doesn't mean they are not doing so elsewhere, or they have stuff going on

Exactly, it's like chuggers shouting "You just don't care about dogs!"

You don't have to then stand there listing every charity you have ever financially supported or given your time to, it just doesn't dignify a response.

RedLipstickHighHeels

I don't understand your post, care to write it in plain English please?

There's no such thing as 'excuses' with volunteering...because it's...voluntary. As in, not compulsory.

Wow again. This thread makes me sad. So just because someone feels (for whatever reason, depression, anxiety, work stresses, family life) that they can’t volunteer they are ‘making excuses’ and are lazy and entitled. Newsflash- we are not all the same and we all cope with things in different ways.

Thankyou to those people who do volunteer, genuinely, but please don’t presume to understand the reasons as to why others can’t/won’t do the same.

Wiaa
You make yours sound a bit over complicated ive never been to one with more than 2 volunteers at one time and everyone attending helps
pack the toys away.

do you mean the same 2 volunteers every week? Or is it a larger group of volunteers who do it on a rota? Does anyone need to book and pay for the hall? Does anyone provide snacks/teas/crafts? Does anyone account for the money? Does anyone do a little Christmas party? Does anyone make signs or social media posts to advertise it? Does anyone clean the hall afterwards?

I am on a team running a toddler group so get where you are coming from. Having said that, I joined the team with DS in tow and it was really hard some weeks, but once he went to school (he's now in secondary and I still help), I started to actually enjoy helping! We have a mixture of current parents and those of us with older children (or adult children, or none). So could you asked parents of multiples who are now at school, particularly if they used to attend your group so know what a good thing it is?

Are you being really clear to parents about what is involved? Only in my experience of being on various committees over the years, most people don't want to be on a committee or commit to week in week out so it's more difficult to get committee members, but very few people aren't happy to help out occasionally. I also think the direct approach works - partly because it makes it harder for people to say no but also because many people think "I couldn't do that" so don't volunteer, but will say yes if asked as if you believe they can do it then it gives them confidence.

Also, our group has "tidy up time" which means all the parents and children are supposed to help bring the toys to the cupboards for the team to then tidy away (as if parents actually put them away, they end up in wrong places so not fitting in!), leaving us just to tidy away chairs/tables when they leave. It means less time needed to stay on at the end, and no prior commitment required. Having said that, it always amazes me that a few parents just sit there chatting whilst everyone tidies up around them before they eventually pick up one duplo brick into a box and declare they've done their bit. Also a good way to suss out who might be the right people to ask to join the team in future!

You need a rent-a-nanna. Our playgroup has 2 and they’re fab. One has little grandchildren who live in Australia, so she doesn’t see them much and volunteers at playgroup so she can keep up with them when she sees them, and the other is a retired primary school teacher who missed working with children. They keep our playgroup running beautifully and all the children love them. Have you thought about reaching out beyond the circle of parents and extending the opportunity to others in the community who might like to volunteer?

Thankyou to those people who do volunteer, genuinely, but please don’t presume to understand the reasons as to why others can’t/won’t do the same.

but why do you assume that the ones who DO volunteer, who do give their time haven't got just as much if not more on their plate? It's all about choices.

True, sometimes are busier, but it's usually the same people who are always too busy because they think they are too important and way above the rest.

Nobody has to volunteer to help. Where I live there used to be a toddler group and it had the same issues. No one to help run it so eventually it stopped running.

I couldn’t do it. I didn’t attend regularly enough to do it anyway but both Dc have additional needs so I would have found it hard.

Like I said. No one has to volunteer if they don’t want to.

I did lots of volunteering when my children were young - playgroups, PTA etc.

I was already experiencing PTSD and I realised after some years that the stresses of volunteering was making it worse.

Feeling anxious, having to do everything I did at home in terms of childcare while answer 15 different questions at once from other parents, overseeing other peoples' children while they sat there chatting.

I felt much better in myself when I stopped.

It’s the same everywhere. The same few volunteering week after week and many others just turning up. Not just playgroups, anything which requires volunteers to make it work. Everyone has good excuses why they can’t help but expect other people to do so.

Thankyou to those people who do volunteer, genuinely, but please don’t presume to understand the reasons as to why others can’t/won’t do the same

Absolutely. But please don’t presume to complain if the club can’t be on as there aren’t any volunteers.

Up the fee and pay people to do it? Obviously it's shit that nobody wants to volunteer, but I imagine they are busy, tired etc. I have volunteered with children a lot and yes, it did get a bit when parents would turn up, dump their kids, sometimes with their playdate , fuck off and not be seen again till pick up, but would never agree to help out. But at the same time, I VOLUNTEERED to help, because I wanted to. It's not the same if you force people.

The only time I felt pressured to volunteer was on a nursery committee and I hated it so much. Only did it because I felt I had to. My dc2 is going to start at the same nursery next year and I know I'm going to be asked to join the committee again and I'm dreading it as I probably will say yes!

We also didnt have a committee... maybe scale down?

This. A committee for a support group would terrify me.

On another note, I once volunteered for a tidy the village / gardening morning. The other volunteers were full of "oh it's always the same people every year, no-one-else-ever-bothers type complaints" yet the complainers all completely me - for actually turning up and volunteering.

Next year, I let them get on with it.

Only a minority of people are community minded. We know several families who do nothing ever to support playgroups school etc. Genuinely doesn’t occur to them to do so. They happily avail themselves of the benefits though.

My friend moved to Canada there if your child wants to take part in the sport you have to facilitate a fixed number of sessions or your child can’t take part.

I wouldn't have volunteered for toddler group. DS was hell to get ready and out of the house in the mornings. I didn't know he had ASD and sensory issues which was why attempting to get clothes on him was a hideous battle. Food allergies meant a badly timed bowel movement would require a lengthy trip to the bathroom and use of the washing machine to deal with the aftermath. I did continue to volunteer with Guiding in the evenings which was just a better, reliable timeslot for us. Anything before 10:30 was an unpredictable minefield. The number of times I intended on going to 10am playgroup then had to abort mission meant opening up at 9:40 really wasn't fair on anyone involved.

I agree that broadly speaking there are volunteers and non-volunteers. Volunteers are usually pretty good at knowing their boundaries so any given group probably won't know about the umpteen other commitments (I'm current in 4 different organisations and have strict boundaries about what I can give)

You need to be clear about what is expected. In my Scouting unit, we have a parent rota. Leaders allocate the parents then they are responsible for delegating/ swapping to cover their week.

A few years back we had an flurry of entitled arsehole parents in my Guiding unit. We did a section in the termly newsletter detailing the volunteers lives, our full time jobs, our young families. One or two persisted, but the others mellowed off when it was spelled out that this was not our jobs.

Communication is important. Parkruns pretty much weekly have their appeals for volunteers on their facebook pages, email and whatsapp groups as it is a flexible volunteer base. Most will have a core of known regulars that are frequently avaliable, then occasional people tend to cover the shortfall. People need to know what tasks involve, the time and level of commitment.

It would be worth seeing if the wider community could help. By their nature, young twin families are not condusive to reliable, enthusiastic volunteering.

If people are happy to volunteer then do it. If people are not happy because others also aren’t volunteering, then don’t do it.

People may not want to volunteer for a variety of reasons. It is their choice as it is your choice to volunteer. Alas, the argument ‘if I don’t do it then no one will’ if it bothers said volunteer that much, so be it and the group stops IMO.

Which are usually overrun with childminders catching up with one another and letting their charges run about
Wow, we got to page three without a bit of childminder bashing! In my town, it was the childminders that kept the ‘cheap, not for profit’ groups going for so long. Once we (as a group of childminders) got fed up of running them all, they have closed. There is one small one left in the church hall, run by church ladies, but the room is small, so the numbers are limited. the play groups were all between £1-£2. Now all there is are the profit run groups, which cost minimum of £5 per week. Great if you can afford it, but if you can’t, it’s a bit tough.

The childminders are fine, we run our own groups, just for childminders, which are actually really lovely and offer structure and activities to our day. And we take it in turns to wash the cups, sort the activities, bring the snacks etc.

We all appreciate that sometimes it is hard to get the energy to get out of the house, so maybe you don’t want to volunteer to set up. Honestly, that was fine for our groups. But when people huff and puff at you because they don’t want to have to move their used cup to the kitchen because they are watching their child, it tends to grate a bit and you wonder why you are bothering. OP, I get exactly where you are coming from!