If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

And why not tidy up chairs at school play, even if it is only stacking your chair on a pile? Why is that different to small kind gestures of giving up a seat on the bus

I’ve explained extensively throughout thread
Time And inclination

How long does it take to stack a chair? So you quite happily walk away while someone else does it for you? Do you have a cleaner at home. Do you not like tidying up after yourself?

As I said I neither have the time or inclination, that’s an adequate explanation that really doesn’t require further elaboration

I have zero interest in changing an opinion or trying to put a compelling case

As I said I neither have the time or inclination, that’s an adequate explanation that really doesn’t require further elaboration

And yet here you are, post after post after post

Casting aspersions again @gamer,predictable but always welcome

gamer

It’s nice now there’s two of you, an inarticulate little crew 😃 each other posts

And me three :) you are still mildly entertaining Red

Doesn't mean I'm wrong. You claim not to be arsed but here you are, fighting the good fight and backing your corner come what may. It's quite fascinating really.

I can imagine the next playgroup or other volunteer run thing and you'll be a steely mouthed ball of determination to not let the bastards win and will walk out without helping. It'll ba glorious feeling for you.

Haha she’s behind you! the 3 of you all 😃 each other posts

I hear you OP. I actually set up a group and ran it for years. It survived only on other parents and me volunteering Our time. It was a lifeline and a way to get human connection during those early days, months and years with small children. We all had bad days where our kids played up or were needy, but we had enough volunteers for it to work every week.

Because it ran on volunteers we made a decent amount of money which we reinvested in toys and equipment. Volunteers baked. A few community members helped out but it was mostly parents.

There were regulars who did nothing, either formal help or informal tidy up. It drove us nuts. I have no idea how people can use A service but not bother to contribute. It’s life though - there are givers and Takers. Know which camp I’d rather be in.

For those struggling, we all struggled sometimes. Why are your struggles more important or impacting g anyone else’s? Sharing the load also means sharing time, problems and chats and can have a positive Impact on how you feel. Just opting out is selfish.

Of course you’re not wrong neither am I. we are not debating the peace corps
Quite simply you have the time and inclination to volunteer and I don’t

On a more serious note

OP you are doing something fabulous, to all those who help out, support each other, help to provide our communities with its life and soul...thank you to each and everyone of you for being awesome. It's hard and often thankless, not many can keep it up for those reasons - so I salute you.

To those who genuinely can't help out, people get that, it's not always possible, and not everyone wants to explain their life - it's ok

To those who won't because you don't see why you should, and will argue your "rights" to the hills - that's your choice, just don't expect people to think much of you.

Quite simply you have the time and inclination to volunteer and I don’t

So you keep saying. You must be getting something out of repeating yourself.

Fact is, if you're a regular somewhere. It's your right to take and walk and it's other people's right to have a low opinion of you for it, because they will.

Opinions are like that @gamerchick consistently held and oft repeated
Conversely your opinion hasn’t deviated on the thread,you’ve not changed your mind

In my next life I definitely want to be in the takers camp! Currently have the guilt about dds hockey club it’s fantastically run by volunteers she gets a lot out of it I do sod all but pay and take her

If they are ill they need to get someone to cover for them or pay their childminder etc to do it for them.

Omg, and watch the group disintegrate if you say this! No parent of small children, let alone multiples, is going to commit to the responsibility of finding cover if they or their kids are ill, or can't get out of the house on time for whatever reason. Not for a playgroup.

Well howdy,Taylor. I hope you are relieved of the burden of guilt,that you find a strategy to assuage your hockey mom guilt

Sadly red you will never find love in a channel 5 Christmas movie the heroine always volunteers and gets a hunky jumper wearing man in return

*The point is every other person is in the same boat as you at a multiples playgroup! Are you really happy to sit back and let one person do all the work

Twiceasnice I would imagine that the lassie, as she's said she suffered from anxiety and depression when her twins were young, would probably have felt bad about it but would still have struggled to help, and might have concluded that she wasn't welcome if she couldn't help out. Which I think would be a real shame because surely she's exactly the sort of person a multiples group is aiming to help?*

Exactly. sometimes if I made it out to a playgroup I would spend the whole time just trying desperately not to cry because my illness was getting the better of me but I couldn't stand another minute trapped in the house. Going out was too hard but staying in was too hard as well. Now that my twins are 3, I would have more capacity to help out. But being one of the ones that is always seem to take isn't necessarily a reflection of the help I would have liked to be able to offer, more than anything I would have loved to be able to help. I didnt choose to be ill but still in charge of two energetic babies/toddlers. I was just expressing surprise that the op being a mum who had multiples might not understand that other people's capacity for extra duties might not be as great as her own.

I think the volunteers on this thread would be much happier if the parents showed more appreciation and didn't complain as the volunteers are not salaried and have given up their time to give something back.

I used to go to toddler groups most days when the DC were small. Up to about 2 there was no way that DS1 would have let me volunteer in any capacity at all. He would have screamed the place down had he been more than a few steps away from me. But that was just him. I couldn't volunteer.

However, once he'd gone through that stage, I felt the need to start my own group, with the support of my church.

I ran it and did so for 8 years. It was 'staffed' by volunteers, mostly over 75. I never asked for mums to volunteer (other than packing up the toy boxes at the end, which just happened organically, and besides the toddlers liked doing that bit) because it was so difficult when my own were small. We ran it as an act of love for the community.... but it's a HUGE job, which a team of 6 volunteers, so I have great sympathy for OP who is struggling to get help.

As an aside, we had plenty of complaints over the years from people assuming the volunteers were paid at being asked to put the toys in the boxes ("why should we? You are paid to do it!"....err no! The helpers are unpaid volunteers over 75 with bad backs).

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal I’m sorry you have found things so hard. I have had a pretty hard time too: separated from my ex when my twins were 2 (have full care of my children so never have a break),have anxiety myself and have had health issues. Obviously if it was too much for you to help set up and pack up at your playgroup then I’m sure everyone would understand. I have multiples parents really understanding and caring.

I wouldn’t judge anyone at my playgroup, I have found it a lifeline and have met some lovely friends there and great support. My point was that if everyone says they can’t spend 10 minutes helping it becomes a huge job for one person. And most people can help out, they just don’t see it as a priority.

Again I’m sorry if my post came across as harsh to you, the early years are tough!

Quite simply you have the time and inclination to volunteer and I don’t

still not getting through to you that when you have time to attend, you have time to help?

Most people don't even need to be told to be considerate and helpful, but I guess there's always the few who leave crap behind for staff or volunteers to clean up for them. We've all seen the state of some airplanes, cinemas, cafes, playgroups.. Red is clearly one of them, and because it's anonymous, very proud of it. I bet you don't boast about that attitude in real life