If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I think yabu. Not everyone will feel able to volunteer, others simply may not want to. If that means that the group has to fold, then so be it. It's a matter of personal choice.

I have volunteered in various capacities alongside my FT job for most of my adult life. I really don't like the self righteous attitude of some volunteers who are unable to understand that everyone's circumstances are different.

Do it if you want to, and let other people make their own decisions.

I sometimes help out with local groups and usually people decline to help because of the commitment of being there at a fixed time to set up (can clash with the school run or feeding etc after the school run) or because they cannot guarantee their own children will be agreeable to stay until the end and beyond, which means they wouldn’t be able to stay behind to put everything away. Others feel anxious about socialising and being forced to be cheerful whilst making endless cups of tea and two weren’t allowed to work with children, even in a voluntary setting!

I think most people like the flexibility of being able to go to a group as and when they want and they are willing to pay (I think you said £2.50) to not have any stress about it.

I totally agree with you OP. People want to benefit from a FREE service but can't /won't help?

End result is that your group will close.

It’s pretty entitled to expect to attend and leave it all to one person (who also has young children to look after).

Do you mean leaving it to person who volunteered?

At my daughter’s playgroup all parents were put on a rota. If neither parent (in 2 parent families) could do that day there was an option to pay for a member of staff. People swapped days to fit round their work. Grandparents could also cover. It worked out as 3 sessions a term. DH did 2, I did one, the kids adored having a male there. May be your playgroup needs to be more directive and explain that covering sessions is part of a child getting a place there.

Oh come on everyone. The parents attend anyway. All the OP is asking for is for people to arrive twenty minutes early and/or leave twenty minutes late! No-one's required to give up a 'day off', and do those of you with health or social problems really find twenty minute tackled on to a session impossible to manage?

The playgroup my kids went to operated like this. And it was made very clear when signing up, that parental help on the rota every six wks was a condition of attendance. No-one quibbled. No-one refused.

There are a hell of a lot of thin excuses on this thread.

Perhaps increase the fee to £5 and use the extra money to pay someone?

I mean, yeah its irritating. But they dont have too, and they probably dont want the commitment.

I think you sound quite judgey, and you have no idea what other parents have going on.

From a simple cost perspective, if this group is £2.50 a time, how much do you think a privately run group would be, with salaried staff?

A hell of a lot more, that's how much.

If you volunteer you keep costs low.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

If someone offer me a home-made biscuit, I'll eat it. I wouldn't care if they hadn't made and offered it, but if it's there and they're offering, well, I like biscuits.

If someone wanted me to make some biscuits, bearing in mind what I usually charge for working, i.e. spending time in way I wouldn't if I wasn't being paid, I wouldn't do it for less than a few hundred pounds. A few hundred pounds for a batch of biscuits is never going to be a good deal, but given how shit mine are likely to be, it's a particularly bad deal.

I think your problem is that other people place very different values on both outputs and inputs of the thing in question. For you it's an enterprise where the outputs justify the inputs, for them it isn't.

Because they're service users accessing a service.

Perhaps increase the fee to £5 and use the extra money to pay someone?

This, or change it to a parent run group. Stop calling people volunteers and make clear all attendees must help. If people dont like it they dont have to attend.

Yes I do, especially when she’s made it clear to her group that she wants help with setting up and packing up the toys that their children are playing with. If they don’t want to help, maybe they shouldn’t attend.

I guess if you advertise the group as a paid for activity parents see it as as exactly that.

I wouldn't expect to be roped into volunteering running a playgroup if I attended and paid for my child's attendance. It wouldn't even cross my mind.

If I wanted to run a playgroup I would start one up and it wouldn't be when my own children were still babies and toddlers and actually needed supervising during the group.

Of course while there I wouldn't mind putting toys away, making myself and anyone else a brew, and cleaning up any mess, but I wouldn't want to take on an official role of volunteering on specific days and times.

While on mat leave/being a SAHP I don't know my plans week to week. I go to various local activities, see friends and family, have relaxing days at home when we are tired and go for walks to the park etc. I wouldn't want to be tied down to volunteering.

Everyone has different priorities, workloads and social lives.

OP, as a suggestion, you could reach out to the aging community in your area - they can often be an untapped resource in these situations.

I attended playgroups
No I wont go on a rota or be compelled to help out
If someone else wants to be a helper by all means do,I don’t and I won’t
Nor will I be guilted out or made to feel I should do my bit

I don’t participate in PTA events and decline all their handwringing pleas for volunteers

I would sort out a parent rota. Had one at the playgroup I used to go to and the scout group DS now goes to. Still have to pay subs, but none of these groups would survive without volunteers.

Could you put an advert in local parish magazine/Facebook page asking for volunteers for the committee?

I know where you are coming from but some people are just like this and some genuinely unable. Either put the fee up and pay someone, or make it compulsory as part of attending, or sadly, let it close.

I volunteered at a playgroup for this exact reason

I ended up helping a playgroup for the next 6 1/2 years.

I benefited so much from it actually. I was new to community at time and it allowed me and my family to integrate so much easier

I think it's because the playgroup is just one of many things that form part of our society. I attend baby groups but don't volunteer, but I am a Parish Councillor. I don't spend my time wondering why the 200+ people in my village aren't Parish Councillors and yet still seem willing to sit on the benches we maintain, walk home under the streetlights we maintain/administrate the bills for, enjoy the green spaces we arrange to have mown and planted and insured etc etc.

Basically, I put in to society in my way, and you put in to society in your way. We both benefit. Yes, there'll be some freeloaders who could do more than they do, but mostly you'll never know who they are as you will never know who actually contributes where.

I wonder if it would be worth splitting into 2 different shifts? If they have to be there 20 minutes beforehand to set up, plus 1 or 2 hours of group time, plus 20 minutes at the end to close up, does that mean they have to commit to almost 3 hours? Just with small kids that can be a lot.
Could you have 1 person open and stay the first hour, and the other person do the 2nd hour and then close?

do those of you with health or social problems really find twenty minute tackled on to a session impossible to manage?

It’s attitudes like this, and the OP’s that make people who are already vulnerable in some way become completely alienated.

To the PP who posted this - yes, an extra 20mins added on with responsibility would have been too much for me. I could barely make it through a playgroup session and often had to leave early. I had severe PND and was so worried about attending a group because I thought everyone would judge me - luckily in my group people had the ability to empathise rather than judge.

Those of you who cannot understand why adding on 20mins is untenable for some - you are incredibly lucky never to have suffered to such an extent that you can’t understand this. Out of a handful of people I know, these are the issues they are facing:

• severe to the point of being suicidal
• severe anxiety
• being dragged through family law courts to prevent access to children by dangerous father
• trying to sort out dc’s life after they’ve been sexually abused repeatedly
• dealing with their own abusive adult relationships

None of these people in real life look like they are struggling. So think a few times before you judge someone for not giving more.

The group near me is run by retired ladies. I thought this was normal! Mums help clean up but don’t volunteer as they are there looking after their babies/ toddlers and directing craft activities.

Perhaps reach out to a volunteers organisation and get some help from retired volunteers?

Severe PND*

There's a world of difference between attending a group and volunteering. You can't expect everyone who attends to want to take on that role unless it was explicitly set up that way.