If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

There you go... most people equate your volunteering 20 minutes (I bet it’s not!) with £2.50. Yeah, I’d rather pay the price for a cup of coffee than do set up.

The op attitude is why I never took part in this type of thing. I attend home ed groups and help out as much as I can but just getting to a group is stressful enough for me and at some places I'm rooted to the spot with a smile on and I stay in one place as I can't cope but made myself be there for my kids.

I attended a playgroup twice with my older daughter then gave up as could not cope. My younger daughter never went to any playgroup and I never went to any mother and baby groups with both of them.

You do not know what others are dealing with and yes there may be a small group of people who could easily help but don't. Buy loads more people are barely surviving mentally and physically and are just getting through the day.

I don't understand why you are even mentioning it, as if you want to help then help and if you don't then don't. Why does it matter what others do, surely you would still get involved either way.

Also I think it depends on the wider community. I've definitely been to groups in large cities before where it's run by a church group or community group, they all know each other, and there are never any requests for joining a committee or committing to anything. Sometimes they would ask if anyone wanted to contribute cake.
I simply turned up and helped tidy up the toys at the end, so I was perhaps just taking, not giving, there.

Where I am now is a small town where most mums know each other and there is an option to become a 'regular member' kind of thing and be on the volunteer rota. It has a different feel from the other groups and I think that's due to the town it's in.

@asdapryce not everyone is as amazing as you I guess! Is that the right answer?

Honestly, toddlers don’t play with each other. They play next to each other at that age. So the only benefit to attending is maybe getting out of the house for the parent and possibly socialising with other parent. Why is it so difficult to understand that if it’s forced or guilted it’s not really voluntary, is it? If I’m going to be made to clean up and make coffee for others then I may as well stay bloody home and at least have a good cup of coffee instead of the awful stuff at playgroups. Which are usually overrun with childminders catching up with one another and letting their charges run about.

Maybe it's the whole "committee" fear of high commitment thing that's worrying people. Could you devise more a bite sized rota type set up so people don't feel shackled?

Frankly, some people will never volunteer. In our village, it seems to be the same families who have the mindset to volunteer and will get involved. Not sure what anyone can do about it.

If I’m going to be made to clean up and make coffee for others then I may as well stay bloody home

but it's ok for other parents to clean up and make YOU coffee is it?

CF indeed...

YABU I think, annoying but it isn't everyone's skill set

It's a playgroup. It isn't The War Effort.

You have to be really clear OP.

After weeks of the same two of us volunteering to open up we’d had enough. So we simply didn’t, and left a notice on the door saying “club closed today due to lack of volunteers”.

I don’t think, despite asking every week for assistance, people actually clock that volunteers keep the club running.

The following weeks we had a lot of volunteers and ended up on a great 10 week schedule.

If you need volunteers to stay open, then you need to specify that when people join! So, fee is £2.50/week however you'll be required to volunteer every eight weeks, and on that week you won't have to pay.

I have come to realise there are two types of people - the volunteers and the non volunteers. Neither are better than the other but are very different. One group think all should step up and help, the others think it is someone elses responsibility and not down to them.

To some I may come across as the non group as I won't volunteer for school PTA but I spend a lot of my time volunteering for another organisation they are unware of and have done for many years. I will help when needed but will not sign up to the committee.

I have just spent the last year trying to recruit more volunteers and could counteract most excuses given as to why they can't do it as most of the time I'm in the same situation but its not going to necessarily change their perception of them being able to do it.

I do think it is a mindset thing - those that will do it and those that won't.

I used to run the village playgroup.

Peope are entitled, OP.

I gave it up after 2 years, my patience had long run out with the excuses we used to get. They were happier to leave us running under numbers than they were to get involved and spend a morning per term helping their kids.

This happened to a group I had started to attend shortly after I had my second child. I’d only been going for a few months but it had been running for years before that. A couple of people took it over after the people who had run it for years decided to give it up, but the new people got fed up after about 2 months. They asked for people to take over it but no one else who went wanted to be tied to it. I certainly didn’t, I had a 3 month old and 20 month old at the time. I didn’t always make it to the actual group never mind manage to organise the snacks, activities etc etc. I think it’s great if you want to volunteer but not everyone wants to commit to a weekly thing, I certainly didn’t.

Let it go to the wire - once it actually looks in danger of folding will be the point where people actually start to step up to the plate. At the moment it's functioning ok, so people assume it's not the problem you say it is, and there's the "somebody else will do it" mindset kicking in.

Or explore other areas within the community who may enjoy the chance to come get involved - there were a group of church ladies who used to help at one of the groups I went to occasionally (the expectation was that all the parents chipped in with the tidying up and didn't sit there letting others do it) who did it because they got the chance to grab baby cuddles etc basically.

I'm usually one who does everything I can do in terms of chipping in and helping with anything I can - sometimes I can't do, and sometimes I have to actively avoid it as DD1 in particular can be more challenging if I'm there - so in those cases I try to help out in other ways (I used to help gluing work into books in her school rather than hearing readers as I could hide out of the way and not send her wappy then and the like).

I'd also be making it much clearer that the session cost is only covering hall hire, snack, tea and coffee to nip that misconception in the bud. It's MN though - the trend on here is to sneer and complain about the PTA and the like. The year our PTA didn't have enough volunteers to run our big annual event and had to cancel it though - hell broke loose in terms of the usual "hate all the PTA events" complainers kicking off it wasn't going ahead - but blimey volunteers were flocking the following year (wasn't PTA nastiness or anything - just a patch where one group who'd kept it going had left the school and transition planning hadn't really worked out colliding with some people having tough times in their personal lives)!

I'd break it down into some more specific and small tasks though - make tidying and setting up an expectation of coming (the group I used to go to had the kids "help" tidy up and then singing time while anyone free whipped around and redid the tidying up properly), and then break up the opening and closing tasks etc. Tends to be quite age-dependent what you can commit to at any particular period - I could do more when mine were still at the age they'd stay vaguely where you put them than the point where they'd go off in two separate directions at any second (I don't have multiples but have an under 1 year age gap)- so I think you're always going to find helpers come and go in terms of activity with that kind of thing.

I run a group. I am the only woman in the group who has a job as well as a child (add on the fact I am disabled, which they know). They leave me and my toddler to sort out a whole room set up and put away. I could have cried at our Christmas party as everyone made a mess and left without a second thought. It took me 2 hours to clean up alone. I never get any praise, only complaints if the group isnt open for a week as it's so important to everyone to get out and meet up Running a group is a thankless job and as soon as my son is in school I'm stopping! YANBU

Honestly, toddlers don’t play with each other. They play next to each other at that age. So the only benefit to attending is maybe getting out of the house for the parent and possibly socialising with other parent. Why is it so difficult to understand that if it’s forced or guilted it’s not really voluntary, is it? If I’m going to be made to clean up and make coffee for others then I may as well stay bloody home and at least have a good cup of coffee instead of the awful stuff at playgroups. Which are usually overrun with childminders catching up with one another and letting their charges run about.

This is a completely different situation though isn’t it? It’s specifically for parents of multiples, it won’t be overrun with childminders. No one is forcing them to go - they’re going off their own back. They’re just being asked to help out a little to the group they rely on running.

I had this shit off someone once, I was told that the reason I didn't sign up to the PTA was because I didn't want to put the effort in and saying I didn't have time was an excuse.

I worked full time (she was a sahm)
I also ran a full time business sorting emails, phone calls, ordering before work, in lunch and after work. Weekends doing the books/admin. (Now so big I have given up the day job)
I was (am) chronically ill.
I also had to find time to be a mum. Not as a volunteer somewhere but solid, actual time with my children.
I had to run a house too, cook, clean, shop, do home admin.

If people want to volunteer that is great, but you have no bloody idea why others don't want to, her pushing her view on me was the end of the friendship.

I got a load of stick from one of the other nct mums at the playgroup I went to with my first because I wouldn't volunteer. She had no fucking idea how much I had in my plate right then. So I told her and she said she'd pray for me. Oh do fuck off.

OP I think you have your answers. A warm welcome to the wonderful world of excuses, believe me you will meet the same people in the pta, the after school football club, the summer fair, brownies, rainbows,scouts, guides... Wherever in fact kind people give up their time and effort for their own and other peoples children's benefit.

They are probably the same people who think the PTA committees kids get the parts in the school play, get chosen for sports teams, get the best seat on the school bus, get given the sharpest pencils, higher level reading books, always have first choice of whatever is going...... They spend the energy they could be using on helping others on sneaking about, gossiping about things not being "fair" and checking out the size of everyone else's piece of the cake of life like greedy kids at a party.

There are givers and takers in the world. On the whole the givers are far nicer people.

Now, if you will excuse me I think I need to batten down the hatches before I have righteous excuses written in green ink lobbed at me wrapped around bricks.

Hi OP. I attend a weekly group with 2 × 20 month olds and a 3 year old.

No way could I help to run the group as well! I just couldn't supervise the children and keep them safe.

I am deeply grateful to those who run it but honestly? I just couldn't.

Social responsibility, many people lack it. They expect someone else to do it be it helping at play groups, potty training, picking up litter the list goes on. There are plenty of excuses , busy, mental health can't be bothered. Unless everyone does their bit play groups will close food banks will remain shut and the country side will become a tip.

Maybe they don't want to work with you because you are a pain

Because I volunteer running another group during the week. I don't have the time to run/help with another playgroup.

YANBU in the slightest. Having had the misfortune to be on a playgroup committee in the distant past, I sympathise totally with your predicament.

What you will ultimately find, is that the same people on this committee will crop up repeatedly on other committees, PTA, Brownies etc etc.

Some people are happy to volunteer, some people obviously can't due to circumstances, but as you've discovered, most people don't care and won't lift a finger unless it benefits them immediately and directly.