If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I am totally confused

They pay to attended a group. So pay for a service, but you get shitty because they wont volunteer their other time, for the service they are paying for?"

I'm with you OP.

But can the getting toys out/putting away just be what attendees have to do? That worked at a group I went to.

And if people can't be arsed to help then it's their loss.

Given that you charge a fee for attending the playgroup, I don't think it's fair to say that people are just "take take take". They see themselves as paying for attendance - which is exactly how you advertise it! If you feel people should be obliged to help set up then make it obligatory. Don't make it an option and then get angry when people rightly regard it as optional!

Maybe they just don't want to.

Two things. 1) You never know what someone's life looks like and what responsibilities they have on. Most people put on a brave face. 2) They probably aren't that into the playgroups. They'll go if they're there but can find sth else to do if not. Sorry if that's harsh.

I didn’t feel I was reliable enough. As it was always an epic struggle to get a feral toddler and baby out of the door on time, to enable us to get there in time to help set up.

I also struggled to see how I could supervise said feral toddler while setting up / preparing snacks etc. I appreciate others are in the same boat, but genuinely didn’t feel I could manage.

Hats off to the parents of multiples who have supported your group and managed what I clearly couldn’t.

@Marleyisme at our playgroup the fee is to cover the cost of the hall, toys/craft materials and the fortnightly paid activity. The OP mentioned a minimal cost too. It doesn’t sound like the playgroup is being run at a profit. Why should all the work fall on one persons shoulders when everyone else is happy to come along?

I think the problem is that you think you are asking one question, but they think you are asking another.

You think you're saying, "would you like to be involved in this group, attend meetings and pitch in to help it run?".

They think you're asking, "would you like to attend this support group?".

As they are paying it's not hard to see why they are simply taking the service you've provided.

The money pays for toddler snack, parents’ tea & coffee and room hire. Not a maid service. Twice a year we replace broken toys. It is all perfectly doable with children in tow - it’s a group for parents of multiples so one of the most important things for us when finding a venue was that toddlers could roam freely without risk of escaping etc if their parents were busy with their other children.

Wow @Marleyisme - do you really think that £2.50 a week is paying for a service? I bet that doesn't even cover the cost of tea and coffee once the rent has been paid. Let alone replacing toys, cleaning equipment, etc etc

@asdapryce this is how it is. The comments above about people being too busy are consistent. Those that do volunteer probably do playgroup and scouts and church.... And work and do childcare......

This is an ongoing issue where ever volunteers are needed. I volunteer because someone has to and it's the right thing to do. ( I'm a school governor and the number of parents who think I work at the school is amazing! - yes we do communicate our role to parents but they still think I'm paid for my time. I wish!! )

I run a more 'community' minded group and honestly. Everyone gets the toys out and puts them away. There's always someone on hand to make the cuppas and someone else to make the toast. Apart from the physical opening of the doors then it's run by everyone together. Can you not do something similar at yours. If there's no one in the kitchen I just shout up 'is there anyone that can help in the kitchen please'

oh gosh, you have YEARS of that
with other parents being "too busy" to help out ever.

People are lazy, entitled and unwilling to get involved but very quick to take advantage and moan. Do things for your own children, do not do anything for other parents, you'll go nuts.

Last time I checked, we ALL had the same hours in a day, same bills, mortgage, jobs, responsibility, elderly relatives, kids.. Some of us manage to find a few hours here and there, others are too busy watching tv and doing shit That's life.

We all have busIER times when you can't help, but as a rule, the majority of people are CF.

Good luck, sadly it 's only the start.

When mine went to twins club I couldn't volunteer - I had to look after them!

The club was and still is run by those whose children have gone on into school and they don't work.

They pay to attended a group. So pay for a service, but you get shitty because they wont volunteer their other time, for the service they are paying for?"

see, just an example of entitled CF
because £2.50 gives you a service does it. Brilliant.

They don't want to. Simple as that.

Nothing wrong with that either.

You help out because you want to because youre able to,and you value it
It’s not obligatory to help out, and nor should it be.
Don’t second guess anyone else motives or actions,and don’t judge folk who don’t set up group
Some won’t help set up because those women will be masking sadness,illness,difficulties that You cannot see or guess. They’re appearing to hold it together,but probably feel v pressured.
And others simply won’t want to
⬆️⬆️ Both are adequate explanations for not setting up group

Different things have different costs to different people.

People often do things for me that I wouldn't be willing to do for them. I assume they wouldn't do them if it was costing them too much, and would be absolutely fine with them not bothering in the first place.

You don't create an obligation by doing things for people they haven't asked you to do. If it's not worth it to you, stop.

at our playgroup the fee is to cover the cost of the hall, toys/craft materials and the fortnightly paid activity. The OP mentioned a minimal cost too. It doesn’t sound like the playgroup is being run at a profit. Why should all the work fall on one persons shoulders when everyone else is happy to come along?

Because that person volunteered. Doesnt matter how cheap something is or wether it's running a profit. They pay to attend.

Volunteers, volunteer. Getting angry at people who dont volunteer means ita not really volunteering anymore.

I volunteer at one playgroup - there's a group of 4 core volunteers who do all the setting up/putting away. Other parents (mostly) tend to help out as and when with tidying washing up.

I go to a couple of other playgroups and just turn up, drink coffee and help a bit with tidying.

They don't want to. Simple as that.

I would happily close doors to things like that to people who refuse to help. Makes it fair for everybody. Don't help, don't benefit. It's only fair.

I used to run a toddler group, we had a lovely older lady volunteer (I think originally recruited before my time via a volunteer noticeboard) to help in the kitchen and one from the local church to help welcome and be a pair of hands.

Tidy up time was def part of the toddler session and happened to tidy up music while we set up for snack. Everyone including kids pitched in. Songs after.

Id be ancious being asked to open up or set up at a group I didn't know as huge fear of getting it wrong. Its much easier to ask people to help alongside what you're doing.

We also didnt have a committee... maybe scale down?

Cerrainly when mine were tiny Id not have had the mental space to do anything. I could only run a group once mine were fairly safe and happy to play themselves.

I helped run a playgroup at one time. The local volunteer bureau sent someone to do tea and coffees, so that helped. Myself and another lady unpacked and packed toys and did craft. It was hard work. My DD always used to cry at the end because she wanted lunch and a nap and I just strapped her in her pushchair. I hugely regret that aspect of it. When I moved house groups in my new area were either run by church people with no children or by paid employees and so were much more expensive but at that point in my life I could afford to pay, so was glad. I totally understand your stance on this but realistically think you need to look in different places for help.

because £2.50 gives you a service does it. Brilliant.

Of course it is. Doesnt matter if something is cheap. If the people paying to attend feel they are a paying customer they wont also volunteer.

This is what puts alot of people off. Judgy people who run these things.

It would be better to make it clear parents who attend are expected to help do these things, tight from the start. Rather than ask for volunteers and then get shitty if some dont. Thata not volunteering.

I remember being on the committee at playgroup. At Xmas, because I was the treasurer, I was allocated money to buy some extra Xmas good for the adults. I dragged my 2 on the bus to asda and back to get something. On the day I served the hot drinks and the treats I'd bought. One mum came up for her coffee, looked at the cakes and went "what, no stollen??", sniffily at me, took her coffee and walked away, no thanks. I was a volunteer mum like anyone else. I could have slapped her.
So I get what you mean op.

I think you are missing the point - these groups are run by volunteers. Its not the same as paying entry to a zoo or a museum. It’s pretty entitled to expect to attend and leave it all to one person (who also has young children to look after).