AIBU?
DS DH sick of it.
PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 17/12/2019 09:38
To be fed up with all the shit between ds and dh.
Ds is 13 nr 14. Typical 13 Yr old as in a bit lazy. Likes his xbox time etc. But he does generally do what's required of him. Don't get calls from school or anything ( used to but no longer)
Dh gets wound up by his x box usage which yes sometimes is too much but as long as his homework etc is done then I don't always see an issue. And despite the fact he's generally on there when he gets in from work.. He doesn't see that ds has spent time with sibling or helping me do stuff or whatever.
Ds has to make his bed each morning. That's the one thing that's expected and drying up after tea. . Other things is upon request.. Like. Hoover room as needed.
Each time bed not made its always a threat to ban x box. Etc
This morning 2yr old was in ds room and sat on bed playing.
It came for ds to leave for school and dd was still there. So he didn't make bed
I would leave it till after school and he knows to do it then.
By 830 I'm having calls from ds saying why am I grounded or banned from xbox.. I knew nothing until then basically DH had sent a pic message of the unmade bed saying this is what no xbox looks like!
I give up. The thing is dh actually doesn't do much in regards to around house. Unless asked..which hell then do things but never off his own back. Will occasionally make bed but hasn't in a while as He gets out of bed at 8am and leaves 8.15 so I've got up and dealt/dealing with everything already and then continue whilst he's at work. Today he made the bed but that no doubt was to make a point.
Is it all men that only see as far as their noses..?
A small example this morning. I emptied bin and put out on porchway to go in wheelie bin. I wasn't dressed so didn't take it as normally would . Dh walked straight past it and past bin to get in his car.. Yet if that was ds he's be called lazy.
If I point it out it's like I'm being petty. But I'm stating a point.
I'm so close to just going to find somewhere to stay. And just come back each day to sort kids and leave after bed as I really can't deal with it anymore.
Is dh being UR. or DS
Yanbu = dh
Yabu = ds
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 17/12/2019 10:03
I messaged dh and said I've totally had enough of it. As it's me that gets in neck.. Read and no reply.
Ds saying he's not coming home from school. Which I know he will. But he's of been to homework club done homework so would get in, shower and then no doubt be bored as let's face it it's pouring with rain.. A nr 14 Yr old don't play toys. So ill have to deal with the moaning for hours until dh gets in. Then I expect ds will Dissappear to his room
Im 8m pregnant and just can't be bothered with it all. I just want to run!
CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/12/2019 10:11
Tell your DH that last bit!"
That he is only alienating his DS by being unfair and overly harsh, and you, for being a lazy, judgemental gobshite. Send him a list of the things you do each morning before he rolls out of his bed and ask him why he couldn't have simply noticed and dealt the bin bag that need to go to the wheelie bin?
Maybe he really does think that all housework is wife work and that being The Enforcer is his only home role! In which case you have 2 choices - kill him or educate him!!
Winter2020 · 17/12/2019 10:16
Tell your husband if he would like to take his son out to do an activity (bowling/cinema/trampoline park etc) that would be great. If he would like to play board games with him, help him with his homework/learn his instrument etc also fine, even watch a movie with him. If he would like to come in from work and have time to himself then your son will be on the Xbox. End of.
PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 17/12/2019 10:19
Should of said its my son not his.. And I get that teens are a bit lazy.. Love consoles etc but it's a constant battle.
He wouldnt even have time to do all that. Gets in has dinner then a good 45min in shower / loo.
Sees dd before bed.
He fails to remember that ds has also been helping bath dd when required
AlternativePerspective · 17/12/2019 10:20
This is one situation where I would go against dh. Where is the x-box? Because if you know then I would give it back to him, and I would tell dh why.
Also, does dh have a hobby? Because if so I would text him every time he fails to do something and say “this is what no looks like.”
As an aside, is DH your DS’ dad? I ask only because you say you have a two year old and are pregnant and yet DS is thirteen?
PiggyInTheMiddle19 · 17/12/2019 10:21
And also doesn't realise. Dd wouldn't of been in ds room.. Therefore bed could of been made had for once he got up and taken dd downstairs.. Or entertained her..
She does like to wake up and go see her brother. ( and touch all. His stuff lol) but she would of gone downstairs.
I just enjoy that 20.min wake up time as I'm fat unomfy and shattered.
Beamur · 17/12/2019 10:24
Your DH is being a test basically. I think you've hit it spot on, he's lazy but is having a go at your son for his perceived laziness. Tbh it just sounds like he's looking for an excuse to have a go at him and I'd be really pissed off about that. The impending arrival of the new baby seems a particularly bad time to start pushing out the older child.
Rachelle1980 · 17/12/2019 10:24
Your DH is a hypocrite and his punishments don't reflect the severity of your ds supposed "crimes". Yet is happy to push all the fallout onto you when he, as a grown adult, can't manage his son.. your DH sounds like he's not really developed proper adult mechanisms to deal with him.
The whole family dynamic sounds ridiculous (e.g. DH saying he hasn't done enough yet hadn't been there to see son helping) and your DH needs to grow up.
Your son needs
a) consistency (no bickering between you and DH about what "enough" looks like)
b) clearer rules with no roping you in when DH can't handle it when you're out.
c) role models; your DH is failing on this one.
Is your DH from a military background by any chance?
GhostHoward · 17/12/2019 10:25
I was going to ask if he was his biological son...
Your husband sounds like he resents your son. It sounds like an incredibly damaging situation for your son to be in. He can't do right by your OH. He sounds like a completely normal teenager, who cares deeply for his little sister.
Your husband needs to leave him the fuck alone (and I say that as someone who's partner isn't my children's father). Usually I'd say house rules are final, and parenting should be done by the adults who live in the house, but he clearly can't be trusted to parent fairly, so shouldn't at all.
He needs to help do his fucking fair share around the house more...especially if he has a go at your son. And WHO gets up 15 minutes before they have to leave the house, when there are children to get ready, and a heavily pregnant wife?
Rachelle1980 · 17/12/2019 10:27
Should of said its my son not his
That makes your DH even more of a prick. Bullying your son near the imminent arrival of your baby is a cowardly timing.
And I say this as someone who was expected, and expects, quite a lot from DC in terms of responsibility and housework btw.
The problem isn't your DH attitude to expecting children to assist the house, it's the shit way he's doing it.
AlternativePerspective · 17/12/2019 10:27
Ah, it’s not even his son? Well then the answer is simple. You tel him that you are the one to discipline your child and that he can fuck right off if he thinks he holds any authority there. And that if he wants DS to completely reject him as a stepfather he’s heading the right way towards it.
And then cancel his sky sports subscription or throw away his season ticket dependent on whether the football is television or stadium based....
Nanny0gg · 17/12/2019 10:27
Hang on - he's not his father??
Whilst I appreciate he is playing a parental role he's going way too far.
And who texts the child in the morning that they're grounded, making sure it will upset them all day?
If you can't reach a compromise over discipline then you need to split. But you shouldn't be the one leaving.
Whattodoabout · 17/12/2019 10:30
Your ‘D’H is a twat.
An unmade bed really isn’t the end of the world, I don’t bother making mine most of the time and I’m a fully grown adult. If he has a pigsty bedroom then fair enough but an unmade bed? Who cares really, he’s only going to mess it up again a few hours later... Losing Xbox rights purely for that isn’t justified.
Beccaishere · 17/12/2019 10:30
I would sit everyone down tonight and set some new rules in place. Yes teenagers can be lazy and do have to learn but by the sounds of it you have a lazy husband who should know better, also should not be sending texts like that so son is in school thinking about it all day. Sounds like husband is on a power trip towards son?!
New rules needed op for everyone. Don’t get too stressed in your condition op 
lyralalala · 17/12/2019 10:31
Tell him to reactivate the xbox.
He's no right to punish your DS for your DD playing in his bed. Put it that bluntly to him.
He's punishing your DS for being a good brother and if you put up with this then one day your DS won't come home from school.
Also, why did you say you'll consider leaving and coming home each day to sort the kids? Whose house is it? How vulnerable is your position?
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