DS DH sick of it.

[PiggyInTheMiddle19]

To be fed up with all the shit between ds and dh.

Ds is 13 nr 14. Typical 13 Yr old as in a bit lazy. Likes his xbox time etc. But he does generally do what's required of him. Don't get calls from school or anything ( used to but no longer)

Dh gets wound up by his x box usage which yes sometimes is too much but as long as his homework etc is done then I don't always see an issue. And despite the fact he's generally on there when he gets in from work.. He doesn't see that ds has spent time with sibling or helping me do stuff or whatever.

Ds has to make his bed each morning. That's the one thing that's expected and drying up after tea. . Other things is upon request.. Like. Hoover room as needed.
Each time bed not made its always a threat to ban x box. Etc
This morning 2yr old was in ds room and sat on bed playing.
It came for ds to leave for school and dd was still there. So he didn't make bed
I would leave it till after school and he knows to do it then.

By 830 I'm having calls from ds saying why am I grounded or banned from xbox.. I knew nothing until then basically DH had sent a pic message of the unmade bed saying this is what no xbox looks like!

I give up. The thing is dh actually doesn't do much in regards to around house. Unless asked..which hell then do things but never off his own back. Will occasionally make bed but hasn't in a while as He gets out of bed at 8am and leaves 8.15 so I've got up and dealt/dealing with everything already and then continue whilst he's at work. Today he made the bed but that no doubt was to make a point.

Is it all men that only see as far as their noses..?
A small example this morning. I emptied bin and put out on porchway to go in wheelie bin. I wasn't dressed so didn't take it as normally would . Dh walked straight past it and past bin to get in his car.. Yet if that was ds he's be called lazy.

If I point it out it's like I'm being petty. But I'm stating a point.

I'm so close to just going to find somewhere to stay. And just come back each day to sort kids and leave after bed as I really can't deal with it anymore.

Is dh being UR. or DS

Yanbu = dh
Yabu = ds

[JasonPollack]

Your son, incidentally, sounds great.

[pointythings]

Your H has proved that he can't be a decent parent to your DS. So you take his parenting rights away. He doesn't get to discipline your DS any more, that's between the two of you. That means you get full control of the X-box.

That's what you tell him. Alongside telling him to pull his weight around the house.

[YouretheChristmasCarcass]

LockJessMonster is right on:

^Step fathers should be allowed to discipline their step children. Otherwise it will lead to resentment.

However the punishment needs to be discussed and decided by both of you. If your DH had come to you about this, you could have explain about dd being on his bed etc, mentioned that he is just being a typical teenage, and that this punishment is a bit ott.

You need to tell you DH that in the future you must discuss and agree on punishments together.^

Try this first. If DH won't agree to it or if he agrees but then doesn't abide by it, then you need to seriously reconsider your marriage.

BTW, when my two sons were teens they spent the lion's share of time upstairs and only came down for food. So did I at that age. It's perfectly normal teen behaviour. Life isn't like the Brady Bunch.

[frazzledasarock]

I knew he was ds’s dad without the later drip feed.

Your H is bullying a child. He’s an utterly crap human being, and a shit father and husband.

He does nothing around the house, you are running around serving him hand and foot and sorting out children and house and he feels he gets to lord it over you all and bully your poor ds.

My DP is not my older DC’s bio dad but he’d never dream of treating my older dc the way your shitH does your son. I discipline he backs me up and tends to have a friendly relationship with my DC. That’s why they listen to him if asks them to do anything as he has their love and respect because they see and experience the fact he loves them and cares about their wellbeing.

This situation is going to get worse the older your DS gets. I wouldn’t have given DP the time of day had he mistreated my dc. And your son is being mistreated.

[frazzledasarock]

Wasn’t

[sandragreen]

I totally agree with pointythings

You are a mother. You have to prioritise DS over the fuckwomble you have married. I feel really sorry for your DS

[MostlyHappyMummy]

So sad to read yet another thread about a woman putting a man before her kids.
How desperate some women are to have a man in their lives

[WWlOOlWW]

Unless this man has been your sons step dad for 10+ years I'd tell him to butt out. If he didn't, I'd leave him.

[LemonPrism]

Your teenage years are the only ones you get to lol about playing video games or watching Tv. He's been at school all day let him choose how he spends his time off wi him reason... adults get to. For example your husband spends nearly an hour having a shower/shit probably wank when he gets home.

I used to read books constantly at that age because that's what I liked doing... he likes video games. Plus they now have social and strategic aspects.

[LagunaBubbles]

Has your DHs bullying attitude towards your DS ajways been there or only since you got pregnant?

[hoxtonbabe]

I feel for your DS. As others have pointed out, your husband is picking on your son and its going to cause more problems down the line when your son can see he is treated so much more unfairly than his siblings, and in turn he will end up having a strained relationship with you for allowing it.

Your DS really doesn’t sound bad, mine need prodding to do things as well, but they are good eggs that I am proud of and I certainly wouldn’t be punishing any of them in such a way over bed making.

[billy1966]

Oh OP, you sound very tired.
8 months pregnant!
Lazy husband.
Bullying step father.

Your son sounds like he's doing his bit.
It's such a sad age to feel bullied at home.

I know you are tired and worn out.

But you have to get the strength from somewhere.

You are his Mum.

Your husband is a lazy, bullying twat. Lording it over his house, and your child.

It was so clear that it wasn't his son.

Your son needs you.

Please protect him.

Don't be that parent who ignores what's going on right in front of them.

If you are fed up.

How do you think that 13 year old feels.

Really wishing you the strength to do the right thing.

Like others, I'd choose to be a shite wife any day of the week, than be a neglectful mother!

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

So he is rewarded for being kind to his little sister and not turfing her out of his private space by being punished.

That’ll help with family harmony in the future.....

[RandomMess]

Your DS sounds on the better side of "normal" more helpful than many, tests the boundaries a little bit and is doing is school work.

Get it sorted with your DH he is so far out of order it really is awful.

[TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince]

Well, it worked for us each to discipline our own, with no resentment.

They are now, 33, 29 and 26, and boomerang back and forth all they time.

[PrettyPurse]

So.... he also has another DD....your DSD. What is he like with her?

[isadoradancing123]

He sounds like a good kid and i think if your dh was his biological dad he would be different, he is picking on him and being totally unfair