To phone in sick tomorrow?

[Stressedoutaboutinlaws]

Currently at A&E with dp, he has a recurrent issue with severe stomach pains which usually result in a hospital stay.

Been seen by triage who confirmed he needs a needle in the arm to get anti sickness/pain medicine in without bringing it back up, but we might have a bit of a wait for a doctor/bed because the rooms are all full atm.

So likely going to be a long night, amd have a pretty poorly dp. Currently very weak and dehydrated as not been able to keep anything down for over 24 hours.

Issue with phoning in sick tomorrow is that myself and dp work for the same company. So if i also call in sick(as he will obviously be off) they are 2 people down.

I dunno i feel slightly guilty for leaving them short staffed, but at the same time, im already shattered, amd want to be with dp to make sure hes ok, attempting to drink fluids etc.

Wibu to phone in sick tomorrow as well as dp or should i force myself to go in?

The way you're treating him is like he's a child. Saying he 'doesn't like the taste of diarolyte'! Who does?
And 'insisting' on his mother coming! How old us this man child? I don't know if you've mentioned.
It's very unfortunate he's ill but instead of going back and forth to the hospital surely the GP would be a more sensible idea.

@zebra22, unsurprisingly OP no longer needs advice on whether to call in sick on 17th December.

The taste when he already feels so sick was making him vomit, defeating the purpose of having it in the first place.

Not babying him, hes been home alone the last couple of days while ive gone to work, all last night/evening hes been very unwell, and getting very weak, im worried that he might pass out and need help. His mum is in the house and doesnt work, so as much as he doesnt want to bother her, she would want to come round if she knew how bad he was.

OP with great respect I think you are babying him. It clear his symptoms are anxiety related yet he won’t do counselling. He just wants morphine which rightly they won’t give him because of the addiction

How one have you been together as much as you love him this relationship is bringing you down mentally and physically

I agree he needs therapy. And sounds quite rigid / shut down and yes, child like. Rightly it is very difficult to get morphine in this country. My Private pain management specialist (and professor) had to write a respectful request to the gp to prescribe me morphine on request. They wouldn’t give your dp morphine and rightly so as he’s an addict and it is addictive. So is codeine. But that is easier to prescribe and isn’t restricted in the same way.

Have you tried flat full sugar coke and something salty, maybe ready salted crisps? Or google how to make sole - a saturated salt drink that you dilute with water. Drinking salt and eating it is processed differently in the body and for hydration he is better to drink it.

So he should be home alone, he's an adult!
I'm finding it hard to believe a grown man can't sip diarolyte, I really am, but as a pp said perhaps a flat fizzy drink or even lucozade.
He does seem very rigid in his thinking, why hasn't he gone to the GP?

Last tike he went to the gp like this they called him an ambulance bacause he needes immediate medical attention. Because it just flares up, if he goes when hes fine, theres nothing they can do.

Maybe it is just me being over anxious. I really worry about him being so unwell.

If he's so unwell that it's not safe to leave him alone, he needs to be in hospital and should go back to a&E or be re admitted.

You can't fix that by staying off work, and to be honest you're being soft with him already. 'Doesn't like the taste of dioralyte' - how much does he like being in agonising pain? Not a lot I would guess! He needs to accept following the rules to be effectively treated for his condition, not pick and choose then expect you to pick up the pieces.

@Stressedoutaboutinlaws I’m so sorry. I don’t have much advice other than you have to look after yourself too. Sleep. Food. Being well enough to work yourself if you don’t absolutely need to be with him. One quick point: a very common and major side effect of both codiene and morphine is sickness and nausea. That will also be why hospital are reluctant to give it to someone who is already being sick unless no other pain alternative- as it can make things much worse and become a vicious cycle. They will be concerned about addiction but anyone with sickness opiates are not first painkillers of choice. I have been taken off them post major surgery (off morphine drip I needed less than 12 hrs after abdominal surgery ) because of the severity of my sickness was going to be more of a risk than dealing with pain. I also was told on discharge not to use codiene at home due to risk of starting off sickness again. I had previously used codiene without much sickness but it often makes me feel slightly sick especially in the first few days. The hospital need to be told he’s taking codiene form before so they are aware and can look at opiate sickness. I am sympathetic to people with addictions and using stuff to self medicate due to ACEs etc. But also realistic. Are you sure that after giving up the cannabis: DP did not start taking codiene at times? Do you have a way of knowing / checking if he won’t admit? Taking too much or stop / starting can cause a onset / offset sickness or exasperate existing sickness due to anxiety / cause IBS flare ups. It could be a contributory factor. If not the full cause of it being prolonged If he’s been randomly using the codiene for the pain. Also: that stuff is addictive. I think it’s something you might want to ask him and make hospital aware If he ends up back in hospital that whatever, he has resorted to it at home to deal with pain because Of the really very common side effect of being sick on it & then feeling sick if you stop it- and some people are more sensitive than others. Codiene is particularly nauseous making if you can’t eat as well. Good luck OP. I really hope they find a solution for him soon, that he can deal with any anxiety triggering it off and you are able to keep yourself afloat.

@coffeesonata thank you for the advise, yes the doctor at the hospital seemed reluctant to give the morphine due to causing sickness. The codeine that he has been taking since monday was given to him on discharge from hospital, and is the first time hes been taking it. They warned him that it could bung him up but didnt really mention sickness. Defo not been taking it or had access to it before then.

Hes at his mums just now,ive just got home from work. Hes sleeping atm so im going to try and get a bit of rest myself. Got lots of work to do in relation to todays work, and catch up on some stuff from yesterday that never got done, but going to get that sorted later and rest just now while i have the house to myself. Dps mum is used to dealing with this from historic flare ups, it apparently used to be a lot more frequent, so she is more laid back about it all, and is happy to have him there.

Do not only do you baby him, his mum does. Dear lord!
I hope you do get some rest -and bear in mind that this will be your life from now, if these 'flare ups' have happened before he certainly isn't going to stop smoking it.

*so you, sorry!

I agree that theres probably a thin line between supporting and babying, but i supported him until i needed to step back which i have, and his mum was happy to support him for now. Its maybe difficult to explain how completely debilitating this is leaving dp.

And yes im not naive to the fact that this might happen again. But ive weighed up the situation, and know that the last time he stopped was the longest he'd ever been off it, and that he wants to stop and be normal. So if theres another blip, we'll deal with that and get through it.

Are you going to try and get him to push to sort out the mental health side through counselling etc because that is a big part of it. His self medicating has caused this and he needs strategies and mechanisms to cope

I hope your husband gets well soon. It sounds like he is rather seriously ill.

But on the work side of things, based on DH's doctors opinion so far, you are choosing to skip work because someone else has themselves ill by taking illegal drugs. I'm sorry to put it so harshly but that's the stance your employer could reasonably take I think. Don't be surprised if they throw the book at you if they find out.

I dont believe that the reasons for someone being ill are irrelevant at the point of needing immediate medical care. The only times i have taken off work are when i was at the hospital with dp, where he was in so much pain he could barely speak. I was needed to talk to doctors/nurses etc about whats been happening.

In terms of tackling mental health, we've discussed starting mindfluness/meditation , when hes unwell, talking him through concentrating on breathing seems to help so i think this would be a good starting point and will hopefuly help him develop coping strategies. And if that goes well we can build from there. I agree that this would help massively but i cant force dp to do it, especially if therapy is something he has bad previous experience with, i think its something he associates as being part of his horrible childhood, and will take a while to break down those walls i think.

Sorry that should say i dont believe the reasons for someone being ill are relevant

Not at the point of needing immediate medical care no

Where it is clear that there are treatment options he is refusing it is relevant

Hes not refusing treatment, hes never been offered any sort of therapy or counciling as an adult so has not refused anything.

And as i said the only time off ive had is when weve literally been in hospital so dont think its something thats going to come back on me in terms of my employers.

Sorry but he sounds a bit of a prat. Doesn't like the taste of rehydration salts yet like smoking weed?

I agree that this would help massively but i cant force dp to do it

No, but by the same token you don't have to support him unconditionally and only in the way he wants. That's free choice at work for everyone. It might be worth thinking about your needs in relation to being in a long term relationship with him. You can ask for stuff too. What if a year from now he still isn't ready to see a counsellor, is still just always trying to get through the next flare up - with the constant support of you and his mum, of course - is still unable to make the break from either cannabis or morphine? Don't let what you will accept from him in this crisis period become a hardened pattern for the future.

hes never been offered any sort of therapy or counciling as an adult so has not refused anything

You don't get offered this things as adults without some kind of trigger. Most adults have to accept that they need help and then seek it out. He does seem to rely on other people to tell him that and enable it for him. I know he's in a bad way now but at some point he needs to take responsibility for his own life and improving his own health, physical and mental.

Trying to get mental health services is difficult so he needs to be proactive in it Im afraid. And he needs to want to try and get better as well

I do agree with the points that a lot of you are raising in terms of long term actions, and will be having a conversation with dp about these things once hes back to full health. Now is not the time to be pushing him on these issues.

In terms of me being able to ask for things to, i take that on board. This latest illness has floored me more than i expected, so was obviously too involved. Ive avoided letting dp know how much its affected me because that would add guilt to his current situation, but will speak to him about this as well when he is better.

At the core of it I do really really believe that he wants to kick the weed, so thats something i want to support as much as i am able. If i thought he was spinning me lines then i would be more wary but i do believe he wants to change.

Your whole life appears to revolve around managing the self inflicted ill health of this man

You will end up giving up work to be his carer. Was that part of your life plan ?

But as soon as you ask for morphine they treat you like a druggie He is a druggie. He has a physical addiction to cannabis and a psychological one to morphine (at least)

All these pretty words and promises he has made are ash Going off what you have said here he has no intention of helping himself. He won't even take dioraltye, like some recalcitrant 6yo, for fucks sake

Mark my words, you are wasting your time and energy here. You won't listen though.

You definitely need to not take any more time off, even if he is in hospital. You need a job and income.

Best way to support him right now is do your job and come home and look after yourself before worrying about him.

Fannying about with little bits of dioralyte in his juice, I mean really!