Husband left 2 year old in car

[Chickpearocker]

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

Antigonads do you really think as many people would be asking if a Christian dad would do the same to a son?

A lucky escape that your DD didn’t wake up whilst your dh was absent. Being near an A&E means ambulances and sirens that could easily have woken her up seconds after he left and she could have been left crying for 20-30 mins and drawn attention. The police/social services could have been called by a worried onlooker and she would not be with you currently whilst they investigate.

Fortunately that didn’t happen.

Hopefully you’ve both slept on it and calmed down and you can explain to him that whilst he might have thought she was safe in the car, he took a risk and fortunate it didn’t bear out. He has to evaluate his process of risk assessment. My husband once left my then 5 year old in the car whilst he walked our 3 year old into nursery. 5 year old apparently had said he wanted to wait in the car and dh locked the doors. After a minute my 5 year old started to panic and when husband returned he was crying and really developed car claustrophobia when he was young from those few minutes (he’s much older now and is fine). It was an error of judgment and my husband never did it again, he was also transparent about what had happened and usually very cautious. If fundamentally your dh is not cautious or lacks judgment, you’ll have to avoid leaving your dd alone with him whilst you figure out long term what you want to do. Ultimately though, maintain some perspective, no harm was done, you just need to work out a plan forward.

Well for a start it’s illegal so that’s a pretty good reason not to do it!! FFS I’d be livid!!

Yanbu he is an idiot.
Brought to mind that man who was supposed to drop his two children at nursery but went straight to work leaving them for eight hours in thirty degrees.both children died.he didn't remember them until he got in the car after work and found them.he has been charged with numerous offences but is pleading not guilty.not in the UK btw.he had spoken to his wife about the children during the day but it still had not registered in his mind.very very sad for those poor children.they should never be left alone in a car.

He left a baby in the car just to go to prayers! So it wasn't anything urgent? How ironic he went to 'prayer' when he wasn't doing the right thing as a father! Now I've heard it all! Leaving a baby to go to something so trivial as prayer. You can pray at home, it wasn't even necessary, it was an indulgence to go. This would be a deal-breaker for me. Any man who puts some silly religion (I am agnostic, so include all religions in this) before his own child would be receiving divorce papers. Full stop. Immediately. You cannot rationalise with a fundamentalist who considers his/her religion to come before you and his own child. That type of person is not marriageable. Or at least needs to marry a fundy like themselves. A normal marriage with them is not possible.

I am concerned though that you were worried about abduction, and not the most important thing of all. You haven't mentioned ventilation/air. Were all the windows wound up? Were any down a bit so she could breathe? Admittedly where I am it is summer and temperatures can get up to 42 degrees celsius so we are constantly made aware that cars are death traps and kill in the summer. A car left for 5 mins can get to 30 degs c. If it's closed up, no one can breathe. Only just 2 weeks ago, not far from me, a woman has been charged with murder. Her 2 young daughters died in her locked car she left them in. It was near 50degs (that is celsius, Fahrenheit it would have been 122) inside when they were found. They were already dead. She has been denied bail and will spend Christmas behind bars. You can bake a roast in a closed up car. (I read someone once tried to do so, left a baking tray with meat on it, and it actually started cooking! rather like the fry an egg on the concrete example) Even in winter, they can suffocate and die from lack of air, before anyone even has the chance to abduct them. So someone abducting your daughter is the least of your worries. Being able to breathe is the main concern. It's lucky she is still alive! She could have suffocated.

Him screaming at you in Arabic is a worry. It seems he cares more about the 'show' of turning up for prayers, than actually being a good person of faith and therefore being a good husband and father. It seems his religion comes first, you and his own daughter come last. I would honestly recommend splitting and filing for divorce. Not just because of his religious fundamentalism but because he puts prayers (which, going to church/mosque/synagogue is not necessary it is an indulgence) before his own daughter's wellbeing. When someone, Christian or otherwise, is so fundamentalist that they are not willing to compromise on something as trivial and self-indulgent as going to prayer, there really is no changing them.

Surely you discussed religion with him before marrying him, though? Didn't you work out if you were on the same page?

"A lucky escape that your DD didn’t wake up whilst your dh was absent"

Yes, in some ways it's a shame that he wasn't confronted by police/ss demanded to know why he'd been so irresponsible.

That might have had some chance of registering with him!

Not ok!
Why are men not clued up!

Op you have already had a lot of answers and I can see you've taken appropriate action. I won't comment on your relationship because although there are definitely some red flags from what you've mentioned already you haven't asked for advice on that.

I wanted to say though that I know 100% that should anyone else have found your child alone in that. At that your husband would have been in a lot of trouble with police. It would be considered child neglect, and would have prompted a social services investigation. 30 minutes left unattended is dangerous and the law says that is a criminal offence. Whatever else you do, it is essential your husband knows that this action could have had devastating consequences either by public authority action or something worse.

Rainbowdrops19
Not ok!
Why are men not clued up!

It's not that men are not clued up, I know my brother or DH or friends would not do what this neglectful excuse for a father has done.
I'm sorry that no one reported him.

We don't know that the child didn't wake up, she may have done.

Apart from all the things that could have happened to her, what if he'd been knocked down. No one is going to think oh let's check his car in case he's left his child there because it's more important to go to prayer than it is to look after the life of a young child you've been blessed with.

OP

is this even legal?

If anyone had seen they would probably have smashed the window and then called the police. Your husband also could have been charged with neglect. I think this is a very important lesson for him and a lucky escape for everyone.

So dangerous and not acceptable! My dad did this 38ish years ago just for a few minutes to run an errand and i got out of my chair and started playing with the car cigarette lighter, still got a scar on my hand now where i pressed it down on myself, luckily that was all!

Please do not try to smash a window unless it is literally a matter of life or death. You potentially could end up hurting the child with flying glass or at the very least really scaring them. Wait by the car for a few minutes and call emergency services if no one returns.

Jesus that is awful parenting.

Then to turn on you and shout is unforgivable.

Earlier I said no harm was done but he’s broken your trust and confidence. That’s tough to overcome. I think the only way you’ll know if you can move on from this is how he handles your concerns but you need to be able to discuss it calmly with him. He didn’t intend to put your child at risk. It was an error in judgment but a reckless one. As someone also said he seems more focused on the appearance of performing his religion. He could have done his Friday prayers at home but he sounds insecure and concerned about being judged by others. My worry here would be that he’s conflicted and that could lead to more poor decision making. A lot to unpick here OP and if you’re able to understand why he had to go to Friday prayers rather than do the prayers at home, it might help you understand his thought processes and his priorities.

@PatricksRum yes I'm serious.
I am religious and pray to God.
I dont believe God wants us to neglect our children.
If that means we cant pray, God would understand. I think God is loving and forgiving and cares about children.

Good example- last night I drove to the supermarket after work with my 2 year old. He hadn’t napped during the day and of course by the time we got into the car park he was snoring away. Did it occur to me to leave him in the car and go and do the shopping? Of course not! I got him out, he woke up and we went and did the food shopping with the promise of cheese to cheer him up. Did I want to wake him up and make him grumpy? Not really but that was the only option! I’m the parent it’s my job to keep him safe not always on his exact terms! Just can’t fathom someone leaving a child like that. 😮

@Chickpearocker, you don't need any more posts laying out in ghoulish detail what could have happened.
You've been through all that in your own mind. That's why you posted.
Telling the Imam's wife is the best thing you could do in this situation , and you've done it. Good thinking.

If anyone had seen they would probably have smashed the window and then called the police.'

I hope they wouldn't be so silly as to smash the window. It's completely unnecessary unless the child is in imminent danger and the glass could hurt him or her.