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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left 2 year old in car

194 replies

Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:28

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

OP posts:
handbagsatdawn33 · 13/12/2019 19:27

Report his stupidity/negligence to the Imam.

CactusAndCacti · 13/12/2019 19:27

I too am another who is/was fairly relaxed about leaving them in the car, my rule of thumb though was that the car was in line of sight from where I was.

This was really unacceptable.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/12/2019 19:28

My DD learnt to undo her straps on the A1. That was nerve racking.

MidnightMystery · 13/12/2019 19:29

That's neglect

ChaiNashta · 13/12/2019 19:30

Eh? Is this for real? People bring toddlers and kids to Friday prayers all the time. Why would he leave him in a cold car outside?!!

BeatriceTheBeast · 13/12/2019 19:31

Really, really shit parenting. I would have torn him a new one.

Londongirl86 · 13/12/2019 19:31

Stupid thing to do and he would of been in alot of trouble if police etc saw. I couldn't ever leave my kids in a carpark or street in their seats.

luckygreeneyes · 13/12/2019 19:33

I actually left DC1s dad because he did this, although he left her to go into a betting shop which was part of a bigger issue but she was only 1. It’s the 1 thing I haven’t been able to forgive him for despite an otherwise amicable relationship

Branster · 13/12/2019 19:34

Anything can happen. What if the child wakes up and gets scared, cries uncontrollably, hyperventilates, presses buttons, gets tangled up in the car seat/clothes, suffocates. Another car could crash into the parked car. Someone could break into the car. Tell him this, because he probably never thought about these type of scenarios.

Mammyloveswine · 13/12/2019 19:35

Jesus I'd be livid!!!
Fair enough nipping to cash machine but 30
Mins in a locked car whilst husband couldn't hear or say and was inside a building?? What if she'd woken up??

Bluerussian · 13/12/2019 19:36

That was very wrong.

Mella91 · 13/12/2019 19:36

So stupid.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/12/2019 19:37

Neglect.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/12/2019 19:39

It's not you it's him

Don't let him make you feel you are over reacting because you aren't

CorBlimeyGovenor · 13/12/2019 19:40

Wholly unacceptable!

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 19:41

He said as soon as he started telling the story I immediately jumped on him and that he wouldn’t tell me the real story as I don’t trust him.

He then said it was probably 20 minutes and he knows it was wrong but he was in a bad predicament. I said Friday prayer is not compulsory he said it is for me and started shouting at me in Arabic.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 13/12/2019 19:41

Bloody hell I'm the mist relaxed person I know about this sort of thing but even i'd be upset at that!

TowerRavenSeven · 13/12/2019 19:44

Somewhere in the nine months of pregnancy my dh and I managed to talk about such things! Don’t spouses talk about such things or if you have any idea they might do stupid things you would bring them up? I just don’t get it.

Arthritica · 13/12/2019 19:45

OP, believe in yourself.

Your partner was completely out of order and possibly criminally neglectful. I suspect he's lashing out at you because he's defensive and knows he's in the wrong.

My (under-2yo) child discovered how to escape the 5-part harness of the pushchair on a day the older children had dumped their bags and coats on the hood of the pushchair (obscuring my view of her) and a teacher stopped me to talk about a school voluteering event for a couple of minutes. I happily chatted to my children and baby all the way home, walked to the front of the pushchair to lift her out and nearly had a heart attack. Retraced my steps at warp speed while ringing everyone I knew at school. She was found in the school grounds rolling a ball back and forth with Reception children, laughing her head off.
That was 6 minutes tops.
I dread to think what 30 minutes could have involved.

koshkat · 13/12/2019 19:49

Sorry that your husband is such a massive dick OP. He neglects his cild and shouts at you? What a catch. Confused

TowerRavenSeven · 13/12/2019 19:49

Sorry pressed post too soon - OP I’m in no way saying you are to blame at all, this is on him100%.

koshkat · 13/12/2019 19:49

child

Lindy2 · 13/12/2019 19:50

That's a lot worse than what I imagined it would be when I clicked on your post.

That's too long for your 2 year old to be alone and he was too far away.

In answer to his somewhat bizarre question of what could I do, he had a number of option.

1, wake his child and take him with him.
2, miss prayers or go later so his child can continue to sleep.

  1. Ask another responsible adult to look after his son whilst he goes to prayers.

What he doesn't do is risk his child's safety when he has parental responsibility for him.

FenellaMaxwell · 13/12/2019 19:51

I work in a hospital. If we found a toddler unattended in the car in our hospital car park it would be an incredibly serious matter involving both the police and social services.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 13/12/2019 19:52

He said as soon as he started telling the story I immediately jumped on him

This is what any sane mother who prioritises their child's welfare would do. He's wrong and he knows it. He let you and your child down and is bloody fucking lucky nobody reported him or something bad didn't happen.

Do yourself a favour and trust your instincts. Or do something more drastic and bury the fucker under your patio (half joking here). But please do NOT let this man undermine your gut feeling that what he did was wrong. He neglected your child today and is now trying to turn it on you making out you're having an over reaction. Wonder what his God would think of his behaviour today?