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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left 2 year old in car

194 replies

Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:28

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

OP posts:
Sleepymum45 · 13/12/2019 20:36

I can not believe what I have read.
Does he care and love his DD ?? Does he have a brain ?
Sorry but under no circumstances would I trust him with your child again. If he has admitted to this , what hasn't he admitted too ? I'd be cautious of SS turning up now. I would have rung the police if I had seen this. What a cold hearted callous thing to do. Bet he tells you it's your fault as well . Absolutely horrendous. What have you actually said to him OP ??

Stinkycatbreath · 13/12/2019 20:37

Absolutely not relevant that it is near a A and E he left a child in a car that really beyond the pale.

diddl · 13/12/2019 20:37

What could he do & he never does anything right?

Well if this is just one example then no, he's not doing things right!

He had no choice??!!

Is he stupid, neglectful or just both?

GabsAlot · 13/12/2019 20:37

Why do men carry on when they have kids like life hasnt changed for them

Hes a twat i dont care about the religion

rhubarbcrumbles · 13/12/2019 20:43

Absolutely unacceptable. One day she will learn to undo the strap and you won't know about it in advance. Even if she couldn't, how would she feel waking up and nobody was there and she had no idea where they had gone?

She's his daughter too but that doesn't give him the right to behave like a dick.

BlankTimes · 13/12/2019 20:44

Go to the prayer venue.

Tell everyone in there what he did.

Ask whoever is in charge to instruct all the members to ask your husband where his children are every time he goes in there to pray.

Ask them if they have teachings on responsibility for small children and if so enrol him.

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 20:50

I’ve spoken to the imams wife and she was horrified. Her husband said he would speak to him. Not sure going to police/social services myself would really help.

He says this will never happen again and he knows he made a terrible mistake.

I have asked him to leave for now, it’s all too much for me.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 13/12/2019 20:50

He is so lucky that the police and social services weren't called. He fucked up big time OP, the fact that he then tried to play victim is not a good sign..

Somanysocks · 13/12/2019 20:52

Wow... just wow, I don't know what else to say it's too appalling.

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2019 20:55

Why didn't he leave her with you or someone else? He would have presumably known that he was going to Friday prayers and could have easily taken her with him, asleep or not. Mosques are welcoming places for children and it is understood that kids can't be silenced so some noise would be expected anyway. Lots of people take their kids to the mosque. Hopefully this is a one off and will not happen again now you have made clear it is unacceptable.

My dh once left my ds in the car whilst he dropped off a donation to the charity shop, he parked right outside. I went apeshit and it never happened again. I have seen plenty of people do this when they nip into a chemist or shop and it is daft as it only takes a split second for something to go wrong.

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2019 20:58

I would expect my dh to understand my feelings on the matter but wouldn't chuck him out unless there are other issues going on? That seems like quite an extreme reaction. We all make mistakes.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 13/12/2019 21:09

We all make mistakes

Not sure I'd class this as a 'mistake'! Hmm

saturnnc · 13/12/2019 21:16

Show him this thread. Don't feel embarrassed that you had to ask, just show him.

Don't mean to turn it into a religious debate but fucking nora!!!! Prayer over your baby?

Needs to give his head a wobble. I wouldn't be leaving dc with him unsupervised again.

JustDanceAddict · 13/12/2019 21:23

That’s awful.
Even if he had to go to prayers why couldn’t he have taken her in with him? We’ve all had DCs fall asleep on us in the car like that and felt bad waking them, but that’s life.
I can’t believe someone would leave a child in a car asleep in a car park on their own. Doesn’t compute.
I’m glad you’ve spoken to the Imam’s wife - I’m sure the Imam would agree with you too.

LolaDabestest · 13/12/2019 21:29

This is bad really bad...you could actually get in serious shit for this. ANYTHING could have happend you get arrested for leaving dogs in cars ffs.

Divebar · 13/12/2019 21:34

Do prayers only take 30 mins? Seems like it would be a bit longer than that.

snailywhaley · 13/12/2019 21:37

Did your DD stay asleep the whole time OP? (Not that it changes anything, I'm just curious)

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/12/2019 21:38

I’m afraid to say if I knew you, I would call social services immediately.

lostfrequencies · 13/12/2019 21:39

Totally selfish, awful parenting.

Bootstraps · 13/12/2019 21:40

Two things that occur to me:

  1. Was he definitely at Friday prayers, ie did the Imam see him?
  1. Has he never been in the position before or looking after one of your children during Friday prayers?
manicmij · 13/12/2019 21:51

He is stupid. Would he leave DC in her bed and go out for half an hour. Utter madness. A car park in such a public area, windows can be smashed and child taken. Driver and front window won't be darkened anyone can look in. I'm feeling panicked at the thought.

TheBucketResidence · 13/12/2019 21:57

This is really not OK.

When I was 8 my mum left me and my sister (who was 6 at the time) in the car in a supermarket car park. About 15 mins later a car crashed into the back of us and shunted us into the space in front. The driver drove off. We weren’t injured but it was bloody scary and just goes to show you never know what could happen.

Graphista · 13/12/2019 22:07

“The car park they use is in the hospital grounds so near to a and e.” That’s even worse! Loads of drunk/high/violent people about!

Also how cold was it where you are today? Because the cars heating system wouldn’t have kept the car warm all that time

What a fucking neglectful idiot!!

There’s not a religion in the world would advocate the harmful neglect of a young child.

So sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Rainbow1501 · 13/12/2019 22:09

Wow. You're keeping far calmer than I could be! I'd be all but done with him! May sound extreme on all cases but she could have died, been abducted or worse. Your poor baby. Are you okay? Is she okay? So sorry you're going through this, can't imagine how angry you are.

Bootstraps · 13/12/2019 22:09

Not just drunk/high/neglectful people but stressed people in an urgent hurry who may not be thinking straight.

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