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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left 2 year old in car

194 replies

Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:28

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 13/12/2019 19:06

Yanbu, how could he do this! What parent does this???
Iby all means if you’re paying for petrol yes, but leaving them where you can’t see them for 30 minutes is disgraceful, it’s neglectful.
Child could have been injured, got sick, been injured or kidnapped ( very tiny risk).
If he was parked in a car park he’ll be lucky staff don’t report him Hmm

MrMeSeeks · 13/12/2019 19:07

Didn’t report* rather

Windygate · 13/12/2019 19:08

I'm sure that nowhere in the Koran does it say you should neglect your child to attend Friday prayers. I assume there is a whole backstory.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2019 19:11

Why did he have no choice? He could have prayed at home or in the car park for that matter. Angry

INeedNewShoes · 13/12/2019 19:11

I'm more relaxed than some (I leave DD in the car when I pay for petrol; I left her in the car while I voted yesterday - both situations I'd be gone less than 3 minutes and can hear and see the car). I sometimes leave DD for longer if she's asleep in the car on our driveway, but I check on her constantly.

You know this was wrong. Anything could have happened to endanger the child's safety. And aside from that, if someone had called the police you would almost certainly be facing SS assessments. And even aside from that, just the fact that your DD may have become distressed on realising she was abandoned in a strange place is a very compelling reason that he shouldn't have done this. Poor girl.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 13/12/2019 19:11

Well I'm glad you asked him to leave.

You need peace and calm to seriously consider what you want for your (and DD's) future.

lyingwanker · 13/12/2019 19:11

I'm fairly lax about leaving them in car at petrol station or even right outside the corner shop but what your husband did is totally, utterly ridiculous!

Dangerfloof · 13/12/2019 19:11

I too was expecting a petrol station 3 mins while I run to pay. But even as laid back as I am, 30 minutes (probably longer, minimising) is child endangerment.
A child cannot undo straps, until they can. Just thinking of a child so young left to cry when they woke up in a cold car alone, makes me want to cry. Utterly irresponsible. If you feel strongly enough, report him. If he wont listen to you or read this thread and agree or keeps minimising, tell social services and make sure he cannot do such a thing again.

Spitsandspots · 13/12/2019 19:12

I would have been cross if it had been 5 mins outside a shop .......but 30 minutes? He cannot seriously think that is acceptable? Shock

It’s a shame someone didn’t notice and phone the police, a stern talking to would have made him realise it is NOT okay. He isn’t fit to look after DC alone if this is his usual level of care. Totally idiotic.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/12/2019 19:15

This was not ok. Of course your DH had a choice. He picks up his DD and takes her with him, or he doesn’t go. 2 choices. So 2 more than the one he made. Both acceptable.

What he did was potentially a criminal offence. The law on this is quiet a grey area (I am a Family lawyer). Whilst leaving a child to go in and pay at the petrol station is almost certainly not a crime. And whilst leaving a young child overnight most definitely is, your DH’s neglect (and it was neglect) is probably on the border of criminality. But he needs to understand that this was a neglectful act, bordering on criminal. And he must never do it again.

Rubyroost · 13/12/2019 19:16

Well I thought this was going to be whilst he ran into the shop and was gonna say that's fine. But 30 mins! God I would have been so worried, dunno how he did it!

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2019 19:16

Had I seen your dd alone in the car and no parent around, I would have stood by the car presuming it was a person going into a&e, who couldn’t handle both the person they were bringing for urgent care and the 2 yo. Had they not returned after 10 mins, I would have called the police.

theemmadilemma · 13/12/2019 19:17

It's not ok.

Out of interest, does he always go to Friday prayers? Did you have an expectation he would not today?

Rachelle1980 · 13/12/2019 19:17

This is a terrible situation waiting to happen, I'm glad you're pushing him to see how unacceptable it was. He's lucky someone didn't spot him and report to police - I would if I knew someone was going to abandon their child in a cold locked car for 30min for a non emergency where he couldn't see her.

He should feel very, very ashamed of his poor judgement here, and thank your lucky stars something bad didn't happen during his neglect.

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 19:18

There is no backstory only what I have just said. I am in shock. Hospital grounds is where they pray. Some kind of quiet room/mosque.

He says he knows he made a mistake but yet somehow I am being attacked here.

Thank you everyone I know I need to trust myself more.

OP posts:
SweetAsSpice · 13/12/2019 19:18

He did have a choice.

He chose to neglect his daughter over his religion.

This won’t be the last time either.

So you now have a choice.

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 19:20

Yes he does go to Friday prayers he usually is working and goes from there. Today I had to go out and I didn’t remember about the Friday prayer thing. I would have assumed he wouldn’t go or would take her in I suppose. I wasn’t really thinking to be honest it’s been a bit of a topsy turvy week with illnesses etc.

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 13/12/2019 19:21

she can’t undo the strap yet. I hate to tell you but just because she hasn't done it yet doesn't mean she wouldn't be able to do if if she woke in the car children develop very quickly at this age without you realising it.
What he did was very dangerousm

Poppinjay · 13/12/2019 19:22

She wouldn’t be able to get out of the seat or press buttons, she can’t undo the strap yet.

What if today was the day she learned to do it for the first time?

He had a choice. He made a decision to leave your child at significant risk of harm. You should not leave him in this man's care unsupervised again until he understands what an unacceptable risk he took.

carly2803 · 13/12/2019 19:22

very not ok!!

i dont even leave mine while i go pay for petrol! Anything can go wrong in seconds

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 13/12/2019 19:23

Nope. Not acceptable. Children can get removed from parent's care for things like this. Surely a grown man who's able to breed knows this is not okay?

EKGEMS · 13/12/2019 19:24

I live in the USA so I know you can't really compare statistics but I cannot tell you how often I hear of cars being stolen and inadvertently a small child in the back taken along for the ride! Besides a crime how about the car being hit by accident by an elderly,sick person driving to the hospital or a worried family member in a hurry to reach a loved one?! What if she vomited or had a seizure alone?

HuntingCuns · 13/12/2019 19:24

Your husband was completely and absolutely wrong on every conceivable level to do this. Please don't let your own concerns about your mental health make you think he is anything other than negligent.

AppleJane · 13/12/2019 19:24

I don't even allow my dog to be left outside a shop.
This is shocking.
30 bloody minutes?!

RainRainGoAwayComeAgain · 13/12/2019 19:25

He had no choice? Why exactly? How stupid must he be to leave a 2 year old in the car? I think he needs to get his priorities straight, if he’s got no childcare he’ll have to miss it.

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