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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left 2 year old in car

194 replies

Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:28

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

OP posts:
Rosere · 13/12/2019 18:41

Near to A&E is neither here nor there. A parent leaving a child is not the responsibility of an Emergency Department or any hospital staff other than this is a child protection issue and if anyone saw an abandoned child left in a locked car they'd be reasonable to ring the police.
I don't blame you for being cross. That car could have been stolen, the child could have set off a handbrake, caught themselves in a seat belt or woken and been completely terrified.

WhoCaresWins01 · 13/12/2019 18:42

This is such a foolish thing to do. There is always a first time for undooing straps etc Just because it hasn't happened yet it doesn't mean it is safe!!!!

managedmis · 13/12/2019 18:43

Do you really have to ask?

UrsulaPandress · 13/12/2019 18:43

Sheesh I’m a pretty lax parent but that is shocking. And agree it would get cold very quickly.

Do mosques not have child friendly places?

ohwheniknow · 13/12/2019 18:44

It wouldn't exactly have been warm in the car either.

What's his proposal? That you do 100% of the caring and he does none? Or is he prepared to change his behaviour?

mediumbrownmug · 13/12/2019 18:44

God, OP. This isn’t ok at all. Your little one could have died in many different ways in this scenario, and if the police had seen her alone in the car your partner would’ve been charged. I’d be packing up my toddler and off to find somewhere else to stay. Permanently, given his attitude towards the situation.

puds11 · 13/12/2019 18:44

Why are you mentioning A and E. That doesn’t make it any better. It gets cold so quickly in a car. Shame he wasn’t reported to the police. How the fuck does he think this is ok?

ThisIsSanta · 13/12/2019 18:45

Our local mosque has a lovely crèche for Fridays. If yours doesn’t maybe he could help set one up.

crispysausagerolls · 13/12/2019 18:47

I realise this is my third post on the matter but honestly, if this were my husband and he couldn’t even see what he had done wrong; I wouldn’t leave him with my child again. This is absolutely shocking. as another pp said, there’s a first time for undoing straps etc too.

My son is 17 months and today managed to open the front door for the first time. They just do these things - if I hadn’t been there he could have wandered onto the bloody road. Same with your daughter.

MaryShelley1818 · 13/12/2019 18:48

That is neglect and warrants at least an initial assessment. Absolutely horrendous behaviour, if that was my DH he'd be out until he could prove he could be trusted with my child. However I work for Children's Services so would not risk a referral.

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:49

I was mentioning a and e to point out any lunatic could have seen her and taken her. Hospital grounds aren’t exactly safe.

Yes sorry I do have to ask, my mental health is shot to pieces and this is another battle now. I would like others opinions so that I don’t feel like an anxious nutcase and have some back up.

OP posts:
Horehound · 13/12/2019 18:49

What do you do? You never let him look after her again. Fucking hell he is a moron

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 13/12/2019 18:50

Not ok at all. A child that age should never be left.

ohwheniknow · 13/12/2019 18:51

Has he done other things like this?

AmericanLemonade · 13/12/2019 18:52

She wouldn’t be able to get out of the seat or press buttons, she can’t undo the strap yet.

She can't until she can, sorry.
Hope you're okay OP

puds11 · 13/12/2019 18:53

@Chickpearocker ah I see.

I’m pretty sure it’s classed as neglect and child endangerment. If the police had found him he’d be in the shit and SS would be right up your arse. This is not even a discussion. He is so so far wrong on this.

londonrach · 13/12/2019 18:55

Poor child. My dh would never do that as would none of my mum friends husbands. Is prayer that important he put his child below it.

Dontunderestimateme · 13/12/2019 18:56

Even if he could rationalise away all the more unlikely risks of kidnap/fire etc surely he must see that it is very likely that she would have woken up once the car stopped, and been scared and crying alone in the car for up to 30 minutes! I can't imagine how he could think this was OK. I hope you are OK OP, it sounds like there is more going on than just this.

londonrach · 13/12/2019 18:57

Also it is neglect and ss would take. Very dim view. He just lucky nothing happened this time..

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/12/2019 19:00

I opened this expecting it to be about petrol stations or popping into the house to get something... 30mins when the car was in a random car park and he was no where near? What thought process did he go through to even think that was ok?

I would have serious doubts about leaving him in charge of a house plant after that. I've just started leaving me 6&8 year olds in the car when I pop into the supermarket for 2 or 3 items and they are reasonably sensible.

Raphael34 · 13/12/2019 19:02

If that were me I’d have phoned the police, the police would have notified social services and he may have been prosecuted for child endangerment. Now how the fuck is that ok?

Raphael34 · 13/12/2019 19:04

And not being able to undo the straps or open the door is not necessarily a good thing. What in case of a fire? The poor thing would have been trapped

Original poster
Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 19:05

I’ve had to ask him to leave as he is now saying all sorts of shit, he keeps repeating he had no choice.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 13/12/2019 19:05

Why were they in hospital grounds?

Moominfan · 13/12/2019 19:05

opened this expecting it to be about petrol stations or popping into the house to get something.

^^ this I've run and nipped to loo or pay for petrol when he's been asleep. Such an anxious few minutes. Can't imagine how anyone in right mind could do this for 30

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