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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left 2 year old in car

194 replies

Chickpearocker · 13/12/2019 18:28

I feel a bit shaky writing this. Left husband in charge of 2 year old today, casually mentioned he went to Friday prayer, he then said toddler was left sleeping in the car for about 30 minutes. I told him this was unacceptable he said what could I do and that he never does anything right.

He was about 5 minutes away from the car and the back windows are tinted but still. Can someone sane tell me what I should do about this.

OP posts:
recycledbottle · 13/12/2019 22:13

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IndieTara · 13/12/2019 22:21

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Mushypeasandchipstogo · 13/12/2019 22:21

I can’t believe that anyone with half a brain would do this. I could never forgive my OH if he had done this it is neglect pure and simple. He is lucky that the police weren’t called.

ballsdeep · 13/12/2019 22:29

That's absolutely awful. If I'd seen a child in the car unattended for that length of time I. Would have called the police.
You're husband is putting his own needs in front of his child's and putting them in danger. Absolutely unacceptable

BlueSuffragette · 13/12/2019 22:31

Sorry but your DH is an idiot. Your DD was neglected. Anything could have happened to her. A parents job is to keep a child safe. He didn't. I'd be worried. It must be tough for you.

Equanimitas · 13/12/2019 22:33

Couldn't he have prayed at home?

ballsdeep · 13/12/2019 22:34

Friday prayers are compulsory????

So is looking after your child. Sorry but praying does not give him the right to neglect his child. What a cock

TrixieFranklin · 13/12/2019 22:45

Christ, I felt guilty running into the corner shop last week for milk and leaving mine in the car Shock

Oneborneverydecade · 13/12/2019 22:52

YADNBU

I'm. Not sure it's acceptable to describe people as lunatics in this day and age though

PatricksRum · 13/12/2019 22:55

Sorry but he wouldn't have left a male child in the car.

I knew this would quickly turn into racism.

This has nothing to do with the mosque/ religion and everything to do with neglect.

Piixxiiee · 13/12/2019 22:58

Oh no sorry op but what a terrible parent! Nothing should be put before your childs safety. I'd be worried about him looking after her again.

A parent at my DC school left their youngest (just coming up to 2) in the car in carpark across road from school by shops. The shop was robbed police arrived and child was noticed and taken into as custody for short time.... the mum was charged.

Flyingfish2019 · 13/12/2019 22:58

Thats not okay at all. In the Winter it gets very cold very quickly. In the Summer it gets even worse. A lot of kids die in overheated cars (cars can overheat even at normal temperatures in summer).

PatricksRum · 13/12/2019 22:59

Would he neglect a son in favour of religion I wonder? Or is it just because it's only a little girl.

Op is it because your child is a DD rather than a D*S?

Oh fgs. Mistake to mention Islam, OP. If I were you I'd ask for the thread to be removed. You know it's wrong now.

MissChananderlerbong · 13/12/2019 23:01

Any God that's worth praying to would never want a child to be neglected for it.
He's a dick. I feel for you Op. You are right to be up in arms about this.

PatricksRum · 13/12/2019 23:16

@MissChananderlerbong You're not serious?

JuneSpoon · 13/12/2019 23:27

I feel anxious and upset thinking about it and it's not my child so you must be distraught OP.
Though you've said that you don't want to get ss or police involved this is the kind of thing I'd want on record. I don't think I could stay with my DH if he did that and I wouldn't want him getting any custody as he can't be trusted.

Poor baby alone and cold in the carSad

k1233 · 13/12/2019 23:43

Hearing it from the imam may be exactly what he needs... It will make it clear that you are not overreacting and he needs to make better plans if he has care of a child at prayer time.

titnomatani · 14/12/2019 00:01

It's not his religion that's the problem, it's him. He sounds like a nasty, gaslighting douchebag.

Mumtotwo82 · 14/12/2019 00:10

Not good. Tell him he's lucky the police aren't banging on the door. My friend left her 5 year old just to get bread and a few basics. It was chucking it down and freezing and the child refused to come out (must of only been about 15 mins) but it was not a good idea. Police came to her house (I was there at the time). Someone reported it. Must of given her number plate they said it was a 2 year old (which was wrong) but still told her not to do it again even if the person made out the child was younger.

JingsMahBucket · 14/12/2019 00:12

People need to stop being islamophobic and asking the OP if her husband would have left a son in a car. That’s BS and racist. The OP even said he’s usually more careful with the children and just blanked his time.

@Chickpearocker if this is a one off incident, I’d sit with him and ask gently what his mental process was. It seems he was so stressed or singleminded that he had a momentary lapse of judgement. Talking to the imam is a good idea but also let your husband know that he’s not entirely a screw up. It was a one off and you can work together to role play some scenarios so this doesn’t happen again.

Floatyboat · 14/12/2019 00:18

I'd consider reporting that to social services tbh.

NearlyGranny · 14/12/2019 00:51

"I can't do anything right," is code for "You are being unreasonable and I've stopped listening."

YANBU, he is. He had a choice to be a responsible parent and take her in with him, on her legs if awake, in her pushchair if not. I'm certain she would have been welcome, even if she fussed. No place of worship rejects children; if they did no caring person should dream of going there.

The biggest danger here was a spontaneous car fire. Unseen wiring problems cause this every day somewhere! It happened to a friend who had just popped in to see her DH at his work (mechanic at a garage!) but luckily - responsibly - she had lifted her sleeping DD out when she left the car. I have had a car go up in smoke in a car park due to a wiring fault. Nobody in the car at the time, but I saw it, and the whole interior was opaque with smoke in just a few seconds.

The car could have been crashed into by another vehicle parking. Imagine the child's distress. She is not a parcel!

The car could have been stolen. It happens. Again, imagine the child's distress.

A passerby noticing the unattended child could - and should - have called police. Your DD would have been taken into temporary care at the least. Ask him to imagine returning to the car to find police waiting for him and his child gone. Ask him to imagine being arrested on the spot for neglect.

What kind of father does he want to be? What kind of image does he want to project to his community and the wider world?

Does he need a handbook of what a good father does? It seems so! I hope your Imam gives him a really hard time. What is the use of a father who cannot responsibly take care of his DD even for a day?!

frazzledasarock · 14/12/2019 06:49

Friday prayer takes about an hour.

Why didn’t he take your DD in with him? It’s not unusual for small children to be there.

AlwaysCheddar · 14/12/2019 07:47

He’s a liar but asking him to leave is the right thing. He clearly showed his priorities and your dd is not one, do deal breaker. It was not a mistake, it was a calculated decision. No need to tell social services etc but perhaps log it with them in case you want to divorce him. If he started shouting at you in Arabic I dread to think what he said but I’m sure it was not nice or respectful. He chose to risk your dds life. Simple as that. Not on.

Antigonads · 14/12/2019 07:52

Islamaphobic? How?