DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

[username0294]

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

No one else In background of stripper photo or during call.
I don't know what time the online search was. The safari pages were just left open on his phone so I screenshot them.
He said they were all looking for one but he didn't actually 'book her'. Hideous fucking term. I reminded him that she's somebody's daughter/wife/sister/mother. This is how explained the web search. There was no use of the term stripper on any of those three open browser pages.

If you're looking for a stripper you don't search for sex.

Then again if you're a married man with kids at home you don't go to a strangers house at 5am for a lap dance anyway.

Can you not check his phone records on his online bill? Should be able to see them there. Just call whichever number(s) have disappeared from his phone records and see who he called.

You know it's bullshit OP, don't let him run rings around you for the next few days when suddenly you'll wonder if you've over reacted and start second guessing yourself.

You know that at minimum he did something gross, hurtful and disrespectful. That's best case scenario.

I hate to say it but every man I've ever known to cheat on their wife has sworn on the lives of their children that they haven't. It doesn't mean anything. They always do.

I'm so sorry this dickhead has dropped an atomic bomb in your family, you poor poor love

OP

Deleting his call records will mean it's not on his phone, but can still be accessed via itemised billing...

I’m so sorry. It sounds like he withdrew £100 and took an Uber to a sex workers house. I think you would be perfectly reasonable to tell him to go and stay somewhere else for the weekend whilst you get your ducks in a row.

I'd be inclined to go to the address on the uber records. But that's me. In all honesty, he doesn't sound worth it. Any married man who looks online for local sex or spends family money to watch a naked woman isn't worth it. Shows an utter lack of respect for females, even worse that he has a daughter of his own.

OP, you sound like a lovely, intelligent and strong woman. Quite frankly, you sound way too good for this man, you're WAY out of his league. Whatever you do decide, I wish you happiness.

Forgot to add, like a PP mentioned, just because he's sworn on the children's lives is totally irrelevant. My boss did this to his wife despite being involved in TWO separate affairs. Trust your instincts ♥

Also Call records between midnight - 8am missing (only checked this tonight). Including the call to me - he doesn't know how this happened! Convenient.

He got caught out and couldn’t think of a good story so it’s just ‘I just don’t know HOW my call history managed to magically disappear”.

IF you wanted, you could retrieve the calls from his mobile network provider’s app under “current charges”, or wait for his bill. But what’s the point? He either paid for sex or didn’t, but the trust is still broken even if he “hasn’t touched another woman”. Let’s be honest, he definitely called the escort.

Sorry but if he didn’t cheat, how the fuck did he get “egged on” to this extent? Why does alcohol completely change his personality/morals? I don’t even think he was that drunk, he has the presence of mind to delete calls, possibly texts and photos and then even emailed half nude photos of her to himself.

No one who is telling the truth ever needs to swear on their children's lives or the bible or whatever to prove their innocence. Really.

He's lying through his teeth and you know it. Now you have to decide what you want to do.

I'm so sorry OP. The least he could do now is tell you the truth but he is just getting more and more tangled up in lies. Nothing he is saying makes sense. I'm not sure you can even 'book' a stripper in the middle of the night. I think you can book a prostitute though

Lying bastard

"Swear on children"s lives"= immediate red flag for lying

I'd be inclined to go to the address on the uber records.

Firstly, the possible escort shouldn’t be the target of your anger/threats/abuse. Secondly, you never who else is at the property so you’re placing yourself at risk of violence. You “confronting” her or wanting information can easily backfire as I doubt houses used for prostitution are particularly welcoming of partners of clients.

@halloumi2019

I wouldn't be going to confront the escort/stripper/sex worker. It wouldn't be her fault. No idea where you got that assumption from?

I didn't suggest the OP do this either. I said I'd (be inclined) to personally go. I'd do this for my own piece of mind to see who would be there. Would it be these "strangers" who could verify the husband's story, or a woman alone. Or would it be some house used for prostitution? I wouldn't even need a conversation, I'd just go to find out. That's me though.
Never once did I suggest that the OP go!!!! In fact, I told her not to bother as he doesn't sound worth the hassle, 12 years married or not.

I've thought about sitting outside in the car for a while, to gauge the traffic. But not tonight. I'm not there yet.

I'm not surprised lovely, this will take a long time to process. There's nothing anybody can say to make you feel better, but please remember his actions are no reflection on you
Sending so much love. I hope you have some people in real life who are able to support you. But we are all here for you too

I just wouldn’t believe him. Honest people don’t delete evidence and the evidence he couldn’t get rid of is damning.

I don't think he's being honest op. Sorry.
Might be a mix of lies and that he just can't remember clearly at best.

How do I get hold of call records? We're both with three. It's all in his name though.

Did he go to his parents?

If I were you I'd take this weekend to gather financial details etc. Copies of everything.

I'd have Christmas with him for sake of the children but he would be out by New Year.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Men give up so much for a quick thrill. I'll never understand it.

Do you get paper bills? They should show calls made and the numbers and date.
If not, I think you can get copies of bills on the three app.

Well at least you know you have masses of backing and support of Mumsnetters (and in my case a Gransnetter as well) everywhere. I really admire you for the way you are managing this. This is totally 100% his fault and you are being very brave in the way you’re managing this whilst trying to protect your children. Kudos to you and keep us posted.

He’s so obviously lying.

He arrived at a sex workers house via Uber at 5.05am, paid his £100 for whatever and then came home. He’s a revolting cretin.

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, I can’t imagine the hurt it’s causing you.