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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

271 replies

username0294 · 13/12/2019 06:52

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

OP posts:
Wherearemycrayons · 13/12/2019 13:22

I can’t even believe that someone could do this to the family, at anytime of year but I mean just before Christmas, and putting the pressure on you to have to smile and wave through it, unbelievable

Wherearemycrayons · 13/12/2019 13:22

Posted too soon sorry, I really feel for you OP, good on you for staying at home, let him come up with why you haven’t come to his stupid family weekend

Cheeseandwin5 · 13/12/2019 13:37

I wouldn't have been to upset about him coming home late, it was his Christmas do and things to get out of hand.
I would though not like him seeing a stripper and paying for the privilege. Saying that sometimes being totally drunk makes us do things we normally wouldn't.

pooopypants · 13/12/2019 13:56

He wasn't that arsed about his family when he was out until 6am, was he

Fuck going away, fuck putting a brave face on it, and fuck him. Arsehole.

Wherearemycrayons · 13/12/2019 14:51

@Cheeseandwin5 what planet are you on? Being drunk isn’t an excuse for planning that, if you were that out of it you wouldn’t be able to do anything of the sort

spingly · 13/12/2019 15:34

@Cheeseandwin5 raise your standards bring totally drunk is no excuse.

halloumi2019 · 13/12/2019 16:27

I’m easy going as I have partied hard myself, however I would be fuming if I was you. Even if he didn’t cheat, he was so disrespectful.

He had the presence of mind to delete the photo and email himself a copy - come on, he knew exactly what he was doing. I wouldn’t take his word that “nothing” happened because he’s obviously trying to damage control; you can’t put it past him to lie and deceive you again.

To be honest, if all it takes is a random group of lads to make him take steps to fuck someone else etc, how can you trust him going forward? Drunk people always egg each other on and do silly things, it’s not an excuse; he will definitely come across lads like this in the future, so how will he be able to control himself?

I wouldn’t go to his family, he should go himself and give you space.

AlwaysThereForEveryoneElse · 13/12/2019 16:38

Send him away the weekend.
Draw as much cash as u can from Wherever.
Pack his bags..

OneDay10 · 13/12/2019 16:53

Dont go away but do let his family know why. Let him explain that one.
So just because a random group of guys told him to do something, he had no choice but to do it? Pathetic.
And you said he works away? I'm certain he does this regularly. If he could do that with you around imagine what happens when you arent.
Kick him out and get your finances in order. Sorry op what a horrible man

Shoxfordian · 13/12/2019 16:55

Don't go play happy families with him when he's been online searching for sex workers. He's disgusting.

Monr0e · 13/12/2019 17:02

OP I hope you're ok

I'd be tempted to forward the picture of the half naked woman to his family saying sorry I can't make it this weekend, DH went on his works Christmas do and spent all our money spending the night with this stripper. I'm sure you understand.

Pretty sure that's not the best approach though.

halloumi2019 · 13/12/2019 17:29

I’m not sure about telling his family/forwarding the photo as let’s be honest, they’ll probably take his side and make out that you’re overreacting/angry over “nothing” etc. Like I don’t think it would necessarily have the intended effect on them to make them bollock him/feel disappointed etc.

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 13/12/2019 17:35

I’m so sorry, what an absolute twat Angry

WaterOffADucksCrack · 13/12/2019 17:45

So sorry to hear this. When it happened to me we were due to go for sunday dinner at ex's mum's house. I text her and sent apologies for not going. Ds was only 3 weeks at the time. I sent something like "hi mil, really sorry it's short notice but me and ds are not coming today. Ex has been sleeping with someone else and I've just found out so it's all a bit much. Let me know a good day/time to visit or for you to visit here/meet somewhere".

Obviously it's up to you if you tell but I would. It depends what kind of people they are. He should be shamed. I still have a great relationship with ex's family.

Whattodoabout · 13/12/2019 17:46

He can go see his family, you need to stay home and get everything in order/try to clear your mind. What a scumbag.

SunshineCake · 13/12/2019 17:48

Don't tell his parents you need a STI check. Fucks sake.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 13/12/2019 17:51

So sorry OP Flowers I can't imagine how you're feeling. What a very selfish man. Strippers don't allow you to photograph them so I'm guessing this was not a stripper. Plus his lies don't add up -eg he paid £20 but withdrew £100, so where is the other £80?
He used your card with your baby's picture on. Just moved me so much that did. He's used your family money for this.
He wasn't drunk enough to attempt to cover his tracks by deleting the pic before emailing it to himself? I'm guessing this isn't a first for him.
Not only that, but as PP said, he would rather be persuaded by a "group of strangers" to hang out with and buy a woman for the night rather than return home to the woman and family he has. (I don't think I believe the strangers story, I believe he did this as an individual)...

I'm genuinely so so sorry for you and your DC. You deserve so much better and he's let you all down. I am sending lots of love and strength to you ♥

AlwaysThereForEveryoneElse · 13/12/2019 18:21

And I'd also tell his parents.
But only. You know how they'd take it.
If it was my in laws they'd flip at dh as they are very down to earth people and don't think their son is a blue eyed innocent boy

Original poster
username0294 · 13/12/2019 19:00

There's no evidence group of partying strangers exist - no photos, numbers, can't even tell me their names.
I know either their or stripper/escorts address fro uber records. No one known to vouch for his new 'friends' because colleagues left by this time.
Explanation for cash was that he needed to return to a colleague from which he borrowed earlier in the eve as had no cash - still managed to spend £200 on food/drink + £60 on 4 cabs via Apple Pay (I have copy of bank records between 1845-0600).
Although by 5.01 time of cash withdrawal he was alone with strangers - colleagues gone so how could he possibly have repaid them? How could he possibly of needed to spend £300 on food and drink in one night. Standard city and bars clubs nothing overtly fancy.
Arrived at random address via uber at 5.05 so straight after calling me and withdrawing cash. No cash at all made it home.
Also Call records between midnight - 8am missing (only checked this tonight). Including the call to me - he doesn't know how this happened! Convenient.
Not going to his family. He's begged me to this eve. Trying to make him go. He's sworn on the grave of his mother and the lives of our children that he's never touched another woman, including last night, in our 12 years together. I don't know what to think. My head feels like it might explode.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 19:08

He's such a lying bastard.

The £300 on food and drinks - he was probably playing billy big bollocks and buying shots for everyone or something. I can kind of accept that might be true.

But he also paid for the Uber - not the person whose house they were going to, or any of that group? They'd have been going there anyway? He wouldn't have needed to get the Uber.

Is there anyone in the background on the picture?
What time did he search for sex online?

Did he also arrange the 'stripper'? For a group of strangers he was 'going along' with?

He deleted his call records because he phoned her.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 19:09

Also, he can't remember deleting his phone records and was too drunk to remember anyone's name but still knows with absolute certainty he only watched a naked woman dancing and did absolutely nothing else? Bollocks - how could he possibly know for sure if he was THAT drunk?

Slingsanderrors · 13/12/2019 19:10

Sorry OP, he’s lying. That’s what they do. Idiots.
Flowers for you

EKGEMS · 13/12/2019 19:12

Username0294 Chumplady.com He's following the cheater's script line for line don't fall for it

Thestrangestthing · 13/12/2019 19:15

More likely colleagues went home and he has travelled to an escorts house, that's the reason for the large chunk of money missing.

TheNinkiestNonk · 13/12/2019 19:15

He woke you up at 4.45 am to ask for for your bank card details?? His bollocks would be made into earrings for just that never mind all the rest of his fuckwit behaviour

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