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AIBU?

DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

271 replies

username0294 · 13/12/2019 06:52

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

OP posts:

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BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 11:03

Really sorry OP.

Look to your own needs and interest. Put yourself first and do not allow him to try and undermine that position.

What you choose to do in putting yourself first is your choice. Just don’t meet any priorities except your own. That will mean you take the kids needs into account, but not your DH’s, not his family’s.

Find strength and toughness in your anger and your moral Hugh ground.

Wishing you strength.

BrokenWing · 13/12/2019 11:06

He still wants me to go on his family weekend to show face and not let them down.

Letting family down with no good reason should be avoided where possible, it would be considerate if you text/email his parents and let them know you cant speak for their son, but you are sorry you and the kids won't be able to make it, you were all really looking forward to it and seeing everyone, but since your dh has let his own family down staying out all last night, visiting strip clubs and going by his phone history probably prostitutes, they will hopefully understand why you cant attend and play happy families.

Tell them you hope they have a great Xmas, but unfortunately their son has just destroyed your families this year and I need to get an appointment at the local STD clinic to make sure he hasn't impacted my health as well.

Do not be complicit in hiding his behavior from his family.

northernlittledonkey · 13/12/2019 11:09

Sod that, going away with him this weekend. I don't think so!

Sexnotgender · 13/12/2019 11:11

Oh what a dick.

I’m so sorry OP.

beachysandy81 · 13/12/2019 11:11

He sounds so seedy, if he has lived away from you I dread to think what he has been up to. I wouldn't go this weekend and let him go alone. So sorry you are going through this. I would leave but obviously things aren't always that simple.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/12/2019 11:16

I would tell him to go and take the kids with him, you need time to think

HopeItComesWithBatteries · 13/12/2019 11:26

Your husband has behaved abominably OP, I’m so sorry for your troubles. 💐

I don’t think anybody has alluded yet to the fact that this was a WORKS do? So at least some of his colleagues know what a sleazy slime ball he is? For that lack of judgment and respect alone I’d be kicking him to the kerb.

The posters who are urging you to get your ducks in a row and protect your financial position are correct, that is your first priority. The best of luck my dear, stay strong.

purplelemonorange · 13/12/2019 11:26

If he travels I really doubt this is the first time something like this has happened. I'd say he has form. Get yourself checked out. And tell him to fuck off too.

SkySmiler · 13/12/2019 11:34

Ok so actively searching for available escorts... I'm so sorry you're going through this x

username0294 · 13/12/2019 11:48

Well it started as a works do, meal, onto a few bars/clubs. The story goes as his colleagues left one by one he got pally with a new group of lads, doesn't know who they are and it was all their idea to go home & get a stripper. It doesn't add up does it. He also said he chipped in £20 for the 'show'. So where's the other £80?
Where do I start with aligning my finances?

OP posts:

Strokethefurrywall · 13/12/2019 11:58

WTF? I was all ready to say in the context of a party, rolling in at 6am is not that bad. I've done it (did it last Christmas), but having the rest of your thread it is confirmed that he is in fact, a massive, massive bell end.

He's not even very good at lying. Jesus, what a prick.

EKGEMS · 13/12/2019 11:59

Where do you start? You withdraw enough cash to use as a retainer for a shit hot divorce attorney! Then you get all the passport,account numbers,pay slip info

HugeAckmansWife · 13/12/2019 12:04

Start by gathering copies of bankstatements, pension info, p60s. If you have joint funds, remove half to a separate account immediately. Get onto the net and check what benefits you can claim as a single parent. Just for interest, put his salary into the CMS calculator, assume 52-100 nights a year with him and see what the minimum maintenance would be. Wikivorce website has lots of v useful info.
Having said all that, take a breath and look after yourself. Eat, or drink sweet tea. Get real life help if you can to take the kids for a bit. Be prepared for him to be angry at having been caught out and eventually turn it on you.. Its very common. Take care x

yomommasmomma · 13/12/2019 12:08

Grown men who are husbands and fathers do not stay out until 6am in the mornings, it's pathetic and disrupting family life because of it is even more pathetic.

yomommasmomma · 13/12/2019 12:10

Sorry I should have read to the end. I am sorry he has behaved this way, strong conversations need to be had and plans made.

fedup21 · 13/12/2019 12:16

@username0294

Did you answer my question about whether or not you would go to see his family for the weekend? Apologies if I missed your reply.

Please don’t go.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 13/12/2019 12:18

He can pack his bags and go by himself.
His excuses are pathetic.

DumbFlagScum · 13/12/2019 12:28

Send him, pretend you're just annoyed with the late night.

While he's away do some proper rooting about

username0294 · 13/12/2019 12:30

No I'm not going and to be honest I'd also prefer that the children stay with me... being careful not to let them know about any of this.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 13/12/2019 12:31

It's funny how there are always such big plans when these men decide to go AWOL.

Crunchymum · 13/12/2019 12:32

I've just seen your updates.

username0294 · 13/12/2019 12:50

Crunchy.. what do you mean?

OP posts:

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cccameron · 13/12/2019 13:03

I'd start by getting an Sti test because you can bet your life this won't be the first time this has happened. Sorry this is happening to you OP

MurrayTheMonk · 13/12/2019 13:08

Do not go Nd pretend everything is fine. I've been there before and it was exhausting and made everything worse. He can go on his own-in fact insist he does. You need a bit of time to think about where yo go from here.
It's an awful feeling when you see a side of someone you didn't really think existed. Difficult to come to terms with.
I feel for you OP.

fedup21 · 13/12/2019 13:21

No I'm not going and to be honest I'd also prefer that the children stay with me... being careful not to let them know about any of this.

Good-I’m really pleased.

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