DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

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Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

Get him out of the house. All the time he's there, he's wearing down your defences.

Tell him that if he wants a chance to keep the family together, he'll go away for a few days, to give you space to think.

Personally, I wouldn't have any intention of taking him back, but you need to get him out.

I lied to my ex and told him that it was just a temporary separation, then once he was out, I told him I'd thought about things and decided it was better to make it permanent.

Thinks we're stronger than this.

Easy for him to say.
He wasn't stronger than his own sleazy desires.
I love how they start the begging and persuading. And excuses.
It shows they think they are worthy of being taken back.
More convincing would be "I am so sorry, there is no excuse and I have betrayed you. I have ruined what we had , you don't deserve this, how can I make this easier for you while you work out what to do?"

He’s just minimising trying to make the best of it.

He’s behaved abhorrently. In a cruel way I hope he has an STI, and it will show and then you’ll have the proof you need.

But the reality is you don’t need “proof”. You know what happened.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

Oh no, what a selfish individual he is.
I agree with pp saying he is minimising etc. Stay strong OP xx

It was mistake, he's sorry It was a choice, he is sorry he is now getting it in the neck from you.

He wants us to be the way we used to be You cannot unknown what he is capable of, there is no going back.

Thinks we're stronger than this He wants YOU to do the heavy lifting here and just get over it already. He will soon try to be out of the spare room and back in your bed, HASN'T HE BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH, THINK OF THE KIDS!

You need him out of the house today, you need time and distance from him to really process what has happened and no matter what your decision your marriage will never be the same again, and don't count on his family supporting you both equally, when it comes down to the wire he is their son, you just married in.

I think most of us have done similar at some point or another. Just make sure he never does it again.probably went to an after party at someone's house.

Christ almighty I would be LTB and sure as hell not going to see his family
He clearly has no respect for you.

Lemon Prism I suggest you RTFT!

Oh bless you OP. Nothing to add but sending love and strength. Why oh why must people behave this way? I'll never fully understand it I don't think....

Trust your instincts.

Apparently he just saw a stripper with “the lads” - but look at his behaviour since the incident. If he just saw a stripper with the boys, it’s not that serious, it’s akin to stag night behaviour. Distasteful but not the end of the world so he could have been honest from the start, but instead he lied until you snooped. He hasn’t been honest with you at all, look how much his version of events have changed as you question the conflicting details of his story. As you say, he’ll only admit to what you have evidence for. That’s manipulative and disrespectful in itself.

Sorry but you’re supposed to believe that he only had a strip tease? The facts are that he was desperate to see an escort, evidenced by his actions: that he rung you at 4am for your pin; immediately withdrew cash; got an Uber and immediately went to see the escort & gave her £100 for services unknown. You have a photo of her practically naked and none of these “lads” are present in the photo at all, not even a leg/foot in the background. Were the lads even audible during the 4am phone call? Then after this mere public strip tease, he felt it was necessary to delete things on his phone & cover his tracks?

Apparently £100 is the price charged for full sex services, according to google and an old MN thread. If sex generally costs £100, why would a mere strip tease cost the same?

It's awful not getting the full story.

Like others have said going to a strip bar for a stag ok you kind of assume that will happen.

He had lots of chances to back out of this.

He could have searched and left it there. BUT he phoned you for your pin. Hearing your voice did not stop him. He then got the cash out. Still not thing this is a bad idea. Then he got the taxi. Then he got out and went inside!!

Why take a photo too? Who's house was this in if she had to check all was clear before going down stairs? Who did she expect to see?

Well done for finding all this out though I wouldn't know where to start.

I absolutely hate liars.

OP you poor thing. I don’t think you can come back from this - you will never trust him and that will just eat away at you. He has lied to you, tried to cover his tracks and is still not being honest with you. Maybe if he had come straight home, confessed and shown remorse then perhaps you could forgive but my concern would be that if you forgive him now then he will see it as liberty to do it again.
I think you are right to take some time and focus on Christmas, give yourself time to think and then make a plan for the future. Good luck

And another damning factor is that he caught an Uber to a sex worker's HOUSE! If he just wanted to leer at some boobs he could have gone to a strip club and paid just a £20 door fee. But no, he went to her house and paid her £100! You know what for.

£100 of family money. On sex. With a stranger, a woman who is not his wife, whilst said wife was at home looking after their children, trusting her husband.

I think moving on without complete honesty and transparency from him about what actually happened is actually not possible. This lie will just eat away at your relationship. And it is one hell of a big lie. I would not be communicating with him further until he gives the full truth.

I'm sorry op.
It's natural for you to want to believe the best. But deep down you must know what he did and how little care he showed you and your children.
Tbh I'd be worried this isn't the first time.

he thinks other men were there

How can he not remember if there were other men there or not? 🙄 come on, he wasn’t that drunk!

It’s a major difference. A 1-1 strip tease/lap dance is completely different to a group strip tease with stripper. One to one is more intimate/sexual - and I would be very shocked if that was all that happened... However as a group, it’s different. It’s more funny/embarrassing. I would imagine a group of mates taking or posting photos/videos as banter, eg of their mate being the target of the stripper’s attention. Find it weird that a group of strangers would book a “stripper” together and go to an escorts house on a whim, especially as there was an actual strip club nearby.

If he took the nude photo on an iPhone, is it a Live Photo? If so, you can force press on the phone to hear audio and see a brief before/after. But I doubt you’ll hear/see other men because he’s lying lol

I think you should book a session with a counsellor and get him to explain exactly what happened in front of them because noone else would believe any of these lies so he would be more likely to tell the truth.

That's quite the drip feed OP. Send him off to his parents tonight... on his own!

Sorry got confused with the days 🙈. Realise this has massively moved on

It sounds like he is really minimising his actions, and the fact that he’s not being honest is so unfair.

I honestly would leave him