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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

271 replies

username0294 · 13/12/2019 06:52

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 13/12/2019 07:50

OP - have you lost the ability to drive or have you never learned?

Deckthehallswith · 13/12/2019 07:51

I understand how worrying it is when you think they'll be home earlier and you start wondering where they are and if they're ok. As it is just a once off, I would just tell him calmly later on that you were worried about him and would appreciate if he'd at least let you know he's ok if it happens again.

You should still plan to go ahead with the journey this evening, I'm sure he won't want to let you down.

BloodyCats · 13/12/2019 07:53

Depends where he was!
I’d be pissed off as it spoils plans, but if it’s nothing to do with cheating etc I could let it slide.

Keepmewarm · 13/12/2019 07:56

Why can’t you still go tonight

MrsFrostyTheSnowman · 13/12/2019 07:58

@Doggybiccys depending where you live there are loads of places to go till 6am on a Thursday-and not for sex. There loads of clubs and bars open till that time

LunasOrchid · 13/12/2019 07:59

YANBU, that would be unacceptable in our relationship for both DH and I. IMO there's only one reason why a man stays out all night, it's not a good one...

pelirocco123 · 13/12/2019 08:02

59LunasOrchid

YANBU, that would be unacceptable in our relationship for both DH and I. IMO there's only one reason why a man stays out all night, it's not a good one...

What a load of bollox

Letseatgrandma · 13/12/2019 08:02

I think this will be one of those threads which ends in you needing to learn to drive.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 13/12/2019 08:03

Feckin livid Angry

Vulpine · 13/12/2019 08:07

Thats annoying especially cos of the weekend away. However you need to learn to drive, assuming you can't. I try not to rely on anyone for anything.

TryingToBeBold · 13/12/2019 08:09

YANBU, that would be unacceptable in our relationship for both DH and I. IMO there's only one reason why a man stays out all night, it's not a good one

Ohh Lord. Hmm

Can't you drive tonight? It's a Christmas do. As shit as the lack of communication is,its hardly anything to be too concerned about.

Newtothis2017 · 13/12/2019 08:15

I couldn't get worked up about this. I have done it myself over the years. Why can't he just have been out having a good night. Doesn't mean he was doing anything he shouldn't have been. Just get on with your day and enjoy your weekend away

SarahH12 · 13/12/2019 08:19

I'd be annoyed but only because I'd be worried about him due to the lack of communication. Can't you drive tonight? Failing that I'm sure he'll have recovered a bit after sleeping all day.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 08:19

IMO there's only one reason why a man stays out all night, it's not a good one...

Casino?

INeedNewShoes · 13/12/2019 08:22

IMO there's only one reason why a man stays out all night, it's not a good one...

That’s bollocks.

I’ve stayed out into the early hours many a time with blokes after an official party has finished. Nothing untoward going on.

Sometimes if you’re having a really good time (and fuelled with alcohol) the hours just pass without you noticing.

Hopefully the OP’s DH was just really enjoying himself (which doesn’t have to be based on sex) and was with a group of people continuing the party.

It’s yet to be seen whether it really messes up the day’s plans.

champagneandfromage50 · 13/12/2019 08:23

My DH when he goes out with his close friend when he comes over ( lives abroad) always stay out late. Casino is a popular spot, club as they like to pretend there still 20, sometimes they go back to another friends and keep drinking. It happens once a year and I don’t mind at all. I can also go out with my friends and have got home at 5am and I can assure you all I haven’t been in bed with a bloke...... not everything is bloody sinister

BlueCornsihPixie · 13/12/2019 08:27

Round here there's loads of places open till 6

Clubs, bars, casinos

He might have gone back to a colleagues house with others. He might have been sat in mcdonalds/burger king. I used to stay out till 6 all the time.

There's many many things it could be that don't involve strippers or sex.

Can't your drive tonight? I don't really see how getting back at 6 or midnight really effects him driving tbh, if he's been at a Christmas do I wouldn't want him driving a long drive the next day regardless

greenlynx · 13/12/2019 08:30

Yes, I would, especially with your plans. DH would be the same with me. We usually agree roughly “the latest return time” mainly because the other one might be worried and also because of other responsibilities. A couple of time we “overdid” it but nothing so dramatic as 6 am, more like 1 am instead of midnight.

TryingToBeBold · 13/12/2019 08:30

It's a bit different to summer too.. then you know it's time to go home when the sun is rising Grin

partyhatsoff · 13/12/2019 08:31

Not as a one off for the Xmas party - there are pubs/clubs where I am that are open til 3-4am, throw in a bit of drunken faffing to get home, or a stop off in a late night burger place and I could easily roll in at 4.45am ( not that I do anymore as I'm too old!)

If he sleeps he'll be fine to drive later but why don't YOU just drive?

PhoneLock · 13/12/2019 08:41

Pubs arent open until 6am!!

Just because they aren't "open" doesn't mean that there aren't people still inside them enjoying themselves.

There are some very unworldly people on MN!

RiddleyW · 13/12/2019 08:45

Was the 4.45 wake up him calling you? That would have pissed me off.

misspiggy19 · 13/12/2019 08:45

Where was he and who was he with? He couldn’t even send a text?

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 08:48

It doesn't matter if it's acceptable to us, just that it's acceptable to you.

Most of my husband's friends do that pretty regularly, my husband is the one who comes home early by 2 at the latest.

It wouldn't bother me as a one off but I've been known to roll in at that time (not these days much).

Not in the UK though.

Osirus · 13/12/2019 08:50

Collaborate

OP - have you lost the ability to drive or have you never learned?

Why be so rude? There’s lots of reasons why others are unable to drive. You don’t need to be scathing about it.

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