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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

271 replies

username0294 · 13/12/2019 06:52

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 10:09

Ugh what a sleaze.

How dare he ask for your bank details!!! And anyway how could he have managed til then without his wallet? Where is the ‘significant’ amount of cash?

Sorry, I think once a man is going to ‘proper’ strip clubs he has no repeat for women, no respect for the woman he is married to and is part of a male culture that treats access to sex and looking at women as a right.

You won’t be able to keep up a pretence in front of family and there is no reason why you should have to.

He needs to understand the devastating nature of what he has done.

Original poster
username0294 · 13/12/2019 10:18

Apple Pay is how he managed until just before 5am when he withdrew £100.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 10:19

Did he have any money left when he got home?
If not it definitely wasn't a stripper for the group as he seems to be suggesting Hmm

Original poster
username0294 · 13/12/2019 10:22

No the cash is gone

OP posts:
fedup21 · 13/12/2019 10:22

OP-are you going to go away with his family this weekend?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 10:23

Sorry OP but I'm guessing she was a prostitute, not just a stripper.
And he withdrew that money from your account. He's disgusting.

Please don't go to his family this weekend.
Text them and let them know you're sorry you can't make it but you'll be busy getting an STI check and packing up your scumbag of a husbands belongings.

Butterflyflower1234 · 13/12/2019 10:24

Oh OP I'm so sorry. This must be awful for you. Your DH is a complete and utter dick. What a fool.

Please don't go this weekend to 'show face'. He needs to be the one to explain to his family how he's treated his DW. Could he still take the children and you have a bit of a break? I'd say tell him to go tomorrow morning when he's sober and he can explain whatever he likes to his family.

You need to spend some time on your own (or with friends/family) plotting your next move. Personally I couldn't forgive him for how he's acted so blasé about it all. Have you confronted him yet with what you've found?

Butterflyflower1234 · 13/12/2019 10:25

Sorry also to add he would not be allowed to take a picture of a stripper, strictly forbidden so @GiveHerHellFromUs is correct and she's likely an escort.

The fact he searched for escorts in the first place has me fuming. A bastard ex did this to me and blamed in on his friend (who also had a girlfriend!).

UnnecessarilyUpset · 13/12/2019 10:28

What a scumag. Don't go away to see his family this weekend. Don't even consider it.

You need to stay home and have a think about things. Have you a friend you can see?

Biddie191 · 13/12/2019 10:29

No real advice - just sending love and strength xxx
I'd be devastated, but mostly just incredibly angry

wanderwonderwanderwonder · 13/12/2019 10:32

Clubs and pubs in my City have licenses until 6am, not unusual :)

wanderwonderwanderwonder · 13/12/2019 10:33

oh okay just read the rest of the post... so sorry :(

Andysbestadventure · 13/12/2019 10:33

Many are open til that late/early here in town @AlwaysCheddar ... So are clubs and bars thurs-sun.

Andysbestadventure · 13/12/2019 10:35

Was she from Adultwork OP?

SunshineCake · 13/12/2019 10:42

I would refuse to go on the weekend. It's your biggest show of your strength tbh. Up to you if you allow him to take your daughter and you stay home alone.

It's your marriage so don't be swayed by strangers but you have options.

I'd make it clear he gets one chance to be honest and tell you everything as you will find out and if he's lied or kept quiet then he's out. Doesn't have to be over but he needs a sharp shock imo.

Don't forget to eat and drink.

lifeisgoodagain · 13/12/2019 10:45

If it's not a regular thing it wouldn't both me, though the lack of a text would

AryaStarkWolf · 13/12/2019 10:47

If it's not a regular thing it wouldn't both me, though the lack of a text would

You should probably read the OPs updates........

The fact that he even was searching for escorts even if he didn't follow through would make me want to kick him out OP. I certainly wouldn't be heading off with this weekend, that's for sure

TheStuffedPenguin · 13/12/2019 10:48

@lifeisgoodagain you haven't read the thread have you ?Confused

AtomicRabbit · 13/12/2019 10:49

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

fedup21 · 13/12/2019 10:49

If it's not a regular thing it wouldn't both me

Searching for online sex and meeting up with strippers wouldn’t bother you as long as it’s not a regular thing? As long as you got a text, @ lifeisgoodagain

Once would be enough for me.

JustASmallTownCurl · 13/12/2019 10:50

You won't be able to get back to any trust. I've been there with an ex. Lost all respect for him, he was suddenly this seedy, pathetic man who would actually pay to look at another woman naked and probably not just look. I feel like I could have a panic attack just now from writing this. I lived in panic attack state for months. Constantly picking at it. Constantly disgusted by him. Constantly feeling grossed out and rejected. Those searches are disgusting and he went through with taking out money. Ugh I'm well triggered so apologies but you can't come back from shit like this. Sorry Thanks

MinTheMinx · 13/12/2019 10:53

Where do you go until 6 in the morning or n a Thursday night?

I asked my 18 year old DD the same question this morning!

Normal behaviour at her age but I wouldn't be impressed if my partner did it without at least letting me know (because I'd be worried about him, not because I don't want him to have fun). Very inconsiderate of an adult to behave like this.

Original poster
username0294 · 13/12/2019 10:55

Vivastreet was one not the one suggested here

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 10:58

Needing to pay cash rather than ApplePay is surely either sex or drugs. Possibly gambling.
But the evidence in his phone suggests that his focus was sex.

justmyview · 13/12/2019 11:02

Went back to a house ............after searching online for sex

Sorry, OP, this is a horrible situation for you. Stay strong x

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