DH returning this morning after Christmas do, is that acceptable behaviour?

[username0294]

Would you be cross if your DH went out to his Christmas work do at 1815 last night and returned at 0610 this morning? Unexpectedly. He's never been on the lash this long before, just has a good night apparently. Woke me up at 4.45... I've been up ever since wondering where he is. Have to do school run and work all day...also supposed to be packing for weekend away/pet care before work. Plan was to drive 3 hours this eve - that's out the window as he won't be fit for it. Will have to go tomorrow morning instead. Not sure if I'm cross due to the nonchalance, disturbance of plans, lack of sleep or worse than that.

I've got to work all day and detest driving. He knows that. The weekend away is for his family.
Being over tired and over the limit on the road causes accidents. I'm anxious about road accidents anyway and avoid motorways when I drive (I appreciate that's irrational but is fact- anxiety isn't rational!). I don't see why I should put myself through it.
I smelt a rat when he came in all blasé. Fell asleep. InChecked his phone and his email, uber receipts and web browser. Damning stuff. I really don't care for the opinion that I shouldn't have snooped - he wasn't going to volunteer what I found. Photo of half naked woman, a stripper apparently. Went back to a house with a load of strangers (convenient) as no one can verify) after searching online for sex. Says he got carried away, egged on by the crowd and nothing happened other than stripper. I'm feeling a bit traumatised by pretending everything was fine and dandy with our children (primary age) wondering if their world is about to implode. He still wants me to go on his family weekend to show face and not let them down. Perhaps he should of thought about that. I don't know which way up I am right now so sorry this if is incoherent. He's worked abroad, preciously I've trusted him and I've never got cross on the odd occasion he's been to a proper strip club (the odd stag), I never stop him going out. This feels worse that that. He's never rolled home like that before to my knowledge and if it is true he put himself in danger and disrespected me, the woman etc. Kept the photo on email but deleted form camera roll at 06.06 just before he came in. Can't prove nothing happened. The 4.45 call was to ask for my bank details as he left his wallet at work and took my card. I asked where he was and he didn't answer but said he was coming home. Hence why I was unable to settle back expecting him to come in. It was after that apparently he went back to this house. I can see the separate uber trips, I know he took out a significant amount of cash after drinking until 4am. I don't know what to think.

Feckin hell. What an absolute cock

So much for the casino, lock in or a a friend's house ey

I'm sorry your husband is a prick OP

I’m sorry OP. Until your update I was going to suggest it could any number of innocent things.

I’m not sure I would be able to forgive this; and I sure as hell wouldn’t be going to his family thing and putting on smiles. Any way you can send him by himself to give you space to think?

He still wants me to go on his family weekend to show face and not let them down

He didn't seem bothered about letting his family down with his activities last night. Pop him off to his family weekend and you stay home and have a think about what you want now OP, I am so sorry this has happened.

Yeah my opinions changed and he's a massive bellend.
Don't go this weekend.
He's asking you not to let his family down when he's betrayed you like that? He can fuck himself.

Tell him to go away with his family and not come back.

So drunk that he got carried away but not too drunk to remember to delete the picture? Piece of shit.

username0294 oh dear that is truly shit. I wouldn’t be going this weekend either. Let him head off on his own and he can explain why to his family. I can’t even begin to imagine how your feeling but dont let him push you into doing something you don’t want to. What he has done is a huge betrayal and can impact on your future ..... stay strong and hugs from me

Wow. Update really changes things. Unlikely to be a stripper with the significant withdrawal I think. Especially if its not in a club- strippers for private events are prebooked, escorts are order in. Sorry OP. I would not be going, he can go on his own and explain to his family that he's a dirty fucking dog.

Blimey, well that changes things.

Do not under any circumstances go on this weekend away with his family. Tell him he is going alone and he can tell them he’s really upset you and that’s why you’re not coming.

Do not ‘show face’ in front of his family-you are not a doormat.

So sorry, what an arsehole, you must be reeling.

Obviously don’t go to visit his family, having to pretend everything is normal will be awful. How can he be more worried about letting them down. Would you let him go with the kids and you use the weekend at home to get your head together?

Strippers I could get over, but searching online for sex (and presumably having you pay for it?!) is unforgivable.

I was about to come on here and ask if he's interested in politics and suggest he might have been watching the election at someone else's house.. but then came your update.

What a knob.
I wouldn't be going on the weekend with his family so that he can "save face". He can go on his own. You can use the weekend to think about what you want to do about this.

Fuck him. What a twat.
He can take the kids to his family this weekend and practice for when you divorce him and he has EOW. (If I was you)
So sorry you’re going through this

Yeah update changes everything.

Go and do something fun tomorrow while he takes the kids to his family.

leave that idiot, men like this never change... unfortunately the more chances they are given the worse they get! Be strong, leave and look after yourself and your kids x

No way would I being spending time with his family this weekend, unless of course it’s something you want to do. I’d be doing exactly what you want to do this weekend, after all that’s what he did last night.

That's what I meant though , sleep at a friends house seems like a weird thing to do . Just a bit weird , are pubs open til 6 am on a Thursday night / Friday morning ?? I must be old !

Wow. Okay so that all changes things for me. Sounds like you might need to get behind the wheel yourself though in general.

i wouldn't be going to play happy families with his relatives. Tell him to go, you don't want him home this weekend and give you some space.
He rang you up for your f-ing bank details to pay a stripper?? What a twat.

With your update then yadnbu. If he’s been fucking around them the last thing you should be worrying about is who is going to drive to visit his family.

To pp’s who can’t think of any innocent reason you’d stay out all night - I’ve had quite a few nights out with work colleagues where we’ve all gone back to someone’s house and played mariokart, put the world to rights, played Cards Against Humanity or similar all night. I’ve never shagged anyone and afaik no one else was shagging while we were there either.

He woke you up - whilst you were looking after your family in his absence, knowing you also have work responsibilities today, then asked for your bank details to fund his shenanigans ? This is not someone who deserves your support this weekend ( or possibly into the future ) I hope you screen shot everything and sent the images and texts to yourself.

Half way through the thread I was planning to offer suggestions such as had he been watching the election........ but your update is awful, poor you.

Frankly, seeing as it's his family you're visiting and he's been a complete idiot (at best....), make him wait to he's not over the limit and sort out any flak with his family himself.

Fucking hell! He can knob off to his family and ask your permission to return home after the weekend!!! I hope you kept a copy of the photo and the texts!!!

@MrsFrostyTheSnowman ....I am aware of that hence my A and B on the list which are “bars” of a sort.

@username0294... sorry to hear your update - grim- and so close to Xmas. He’s acted like an absolute dick and potentially put himself in danger going off with randoms. Sending you strength to deal with this.

We were staying with my exs family when I found messages on his phone that confirmed an affair. Christ knows why but we stayed til the Sunday pretending everything was fine and having furious whispered rows when possible. Looking back I should have gathered up the kids, told his mum why and left him there. Send him alone, or even better, with the kids so you can have some headspace

Make him go this weekend. It will give you chance to get get copies of all financial documents. You need to get rid of him OP, if you let him off for this he’ll only do it again. What a scumbag he is!