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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2019 04:20

I have said yabu. I am with Watchingthemoon. My dh is foreign. I’d also not be ok with him voting bnp. Tory, I’d be pissed off. But it’s not as though his individual vote made the difference. As is, we tend to vote the same way but have disagreements in lots of other areas.

Stephminx · 13/12/2019 04:42

@MidnightCircus and @CharlottesPleb make some good points.

I have to wonder if the reason so many labour folk seem surprised by the result is that no one will admit to voting Tory due to the massive amount of hate that seems to get thrown their way by (perhaps a minority of) abusive labour supporters. Out of interest, is your DH throwing his toys out of the pram and threatening you as you dared to exercise your democratic rights to vote for labour ? Hmmmm... thought not.

People are entitled to vote for whomever they like... it’s called democracy folks. And they have the right to do so in private so that they are free from undue pressure to vote a certain way or discrimination / retaliation if they do.

The majority of folk have clearly voted Tory as they believe they are the best choice (well perhaps best of a bad bunch) to run the country.

As some PP have said - most folk have similar centralised views it’s more a disagreement on how to get there rather than fundamental disagreements in outcomes, I don’t think all Tory voters are evil, poor hating, baby eating loons as some labour supporters seem to suggest. They do not want others to be harmed. Most voters are ordinary folk trying to determine the best way forward for themselves and the country, and will
Vote accordingly.

OP. I’m assuming your question is light hearted and you consider your husband a good man ?

If not, please do divorce him so he has a chance at happiness with a normal, non-controlling grown up. Although if his political views are of such importance to you I’d find it hard to see how you’d marry someone with such different views to yourself in the first place.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/12/2019 04:44

Even though I’ve been on MN several years, the over the top, hysterical and frankly quite ridiculous comments/debates/opinions on this election have been an eye opener.
Grown women on here literally beside themselves in horror at a political party winning that they don’t like.
People on the verge of massive anxiety attacks.
People seriously wanting to divorce husbands.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, life goes on - it’s Christmas Jumper day and I’m out for dinner tonight with my lovely work colleagues.

Oldknees1 · 13/12/2019 04:49

You need help !

JolieOBrien · 13/12/2019 04:55

My husband voted conservative as did all my family. I am a member of the conservative party and I joined because I did not want Jeremy Corbyn to be PM. I am so happy the country has seen through this man and he will never be the leader of any party again.

lovesmarties · 13/12/2019 05:07

My husband voted conservative as did all my family. I am a member of the conservative party and I joined because I did not want Jeremy Corbyn to be PM. I am so happy the country has seen through this man and he will never be the leader of any party again.

Amen to that, sister.

BarbedBloom · 13/12/2019 05:10

I couldn't be with a Tory voter full stop. In fact my husband is furious with his mother for voting Tory as he has been told by his boss that Brexit will lose him his job as she will be moving the company. She still voted Tory.

PhilCornwall1 · 13/12/2019 05:15

I personally couldn't give a bugger how my wife voted. She is completely entitled to her own political view, it's none of my business.

SuzieBishop · 13/12/2019 05:18

Grow up OP for goodness sakes. My husband voted SNP who I detest but you don’t see me crying about it.

BeardedMum · 13/12/2019 05:25

I could not be with a Tory voter. It’s not just about different political opinions, it’s about holding the same fundamental values in life.

Frenchw1fe · 13/12/2019 05:27

My husband doesn't tell anyone how he votes. I never ask.
I'm pretty sure he didn't vote conservative though. And I feel sick about the results so I know how you must feel. I'd be pretty fed up if I thought I was married to a Tory.
Nothing to do with being a Corbyn supporter I've never voted Tory.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 05:31

"I could not be with a Tory voter. It’s not just about different political opinions, it’s about holding the same fundamental values in life."

I have similar values to my husband, yet he's voted right-wing (not Tory as he's not British, but the right-wing party in his country) and I'm a lifelong Labour supporter.

People have different ways of coming at things sometimes. It's a bit narrow-minded to just say 'Tory voters suck' and finish there.

Do you never talk to anyone outside your bubble? Loads of working class people vote Tory. Do you think they all hate the NHS and money in public schools?

Jim Murphy is basically talking about exactly this on the BBC right now. Labour don't listen to working class people.

SillyUnMurphy · 13/12/2019 05:32

Honestly, you sound pathetic and childish. You’d probably be doing your DH a massive favour by divorcing him.

People vote for parties and policies that will make their OWN lives easier. Rarely do we have the luxury of being able to consider everyone else in our society before voting for our own needs. For many Johnson was the lesser of two evils.

AnnaNimmity · 13/12/2019 05:35

I couldn't be with a Tory either. And it's not about being controlling.

I have no idea why working class, poor people would vote Tory. All this bollocks about them "lending their votes" to the Tories to Get Brexit Done. It's fucking depressing.

PhilCornwall1 · 13/12/2019 05:35

it’s about holding the same fundamental values in life.

On quite a few issues and values I differ from my wife. I was an individual with my own thoughts before we were married and so was she and long may it continue that way.

Fredy45 · 13/12/2019 05:48

I don't get this 'Fundamental difference in values stuff' like torys have horns and eat babies or that different political views mean the end of relationships.

My grandparents were both pretty outspoken and voted differently (south welsh valleys). My dad was a working class Tory who was highly socially responsible. My brother and I, spawn of said evil Tory grew up to be lefties. I never have and cannot ever seeing myself voting Tory but I think my husband probably did.

We talk about politics a lot in my family and always have. But we debate not dictate.

Mumof3dragons · 13/12/2019 05:48

Meanwhile, back in the real world, life goes on - it’s Christmas Jumper day and I’m out for dinner tonight with my lovely work colleagues.

Oh well, that's all right then. 🙄

Just because you don't seem to give a fuck about the state of the country, doesn't mean others don't. It's important, valid, necessary ...no CRUCIAL to be engaged and aware of healthcare, education, housing, the environment...you know, life.

But crack on with your lovely dinner.

BeardedMum · 13/12/2019 05:49

Having the same values does not mean you are not two individuals.

I see the Tories as standing for selfish policies which screw the poor and less privileged so it is fundamental to me not to be married to someone who supports them.

Child poverty will only get worse under this government. Just watch and see. It’s pretty desperate.

Oohaye · 13/12/2019 05:51

Ffs

B0bbin · 13/12/2019 05:51

Yanbu

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 13/12/2019 05:52

If my husband and I were not on the same page politically, I wouldn't have married him. I dumped one really lovely boyfriend when I realised how rabidly Tory he was, I knew I couldn't have lived with him happily, despite his being a good man at heart. So I understand where the OP is coming from, but not how she got this far into her marriage in the first place?

SillyUnMurphy · 13/12/2019 05:52

But crack on with your lovely dinner.

As I’m sure you will with yours over the weekend, or next week or whenever that happens to be. The point is life goes on.

PhilCornwall1 · 13/12/2019 05:54

@Mumof3dragons

It certainly does, most I've looked forward to so far this morning is a nice fresh coffee. Off out as well for a nice meal with my wife too.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/12/2019 06:04

@Mumof3dragons

I will thanks.

Oh by the way, I voted Labour.

HTH.

user1471510720 · 13/12/2019 06:06

Op sounds like an idiot, if I were your DH, I’d divorce you, we have relative poverty in the uk not absolute poverty. To many brain dead people within mumsnet understand that and bleat on about food banks. We do not have true poverty here.

Fortunately there are more smarter people within the UK outside this forum and glad if it.