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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
Painedpleasure · 13/12/2019 01:36

Divorce him, shave your head, not your armpits and get 48 cats. You don't need a man in your life who is allowed his own opinion

Catsandchardonnay · 13/12/2019 01:38

There’s no way I could ever love a Tory. The difference in values would be too great.

Justwondering605 · 13/12/2019 01:39

I can't believe people are saying this would be fine. There's a world of difference between preferring a different flavour of ice cream and a different opinion on who should be treated like a person, who deserves healthcare, education, and a safe place to live. I absolutely do not regularly interact with anybody who enables or supports such parties, because I don't believe anybody who supports children literally being starved - so that the rich can keep more money than they can ever possibly spend locked away somewhere just because - is a decent person. Why would I want anything to do with anyone whose beliefs are rooted in my own (and others) oppression?

Creepster · 13/12/2019 01:42

I cannot imagine continuing a relationship with a person whose values and morals are that different from my own.
Conservatism:"There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.
There is nothing more or else to it, and there never has been, in any place or time."Wilhoit

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2019 01:47

But you have to show that his behaviour is unreasonable. It isn't.

It’s perfectly possible to separate first and then get divorced later, but I can’t see why you’re so focused on the technicalities. Surely the material point is that the relationship would have broken down due to fundamentally incompatible values.

I don’t see why people think this is controlling. I imagine that most of us have standards that we expect from our partners/red lines that we would not be willing to cross.

CharlottesPleb · 13/12/2019 01:47

YABU

If it bothers you that much don't get into it. It is controlling and abusive to stick your nose into who your husband or wife votes for and demand they answer to you for it. You're just another adult equal to them, not God.

Learn to deal with your spouse having personal agency or back off.

99victoria · 13/12/2019 01:53

I also believe that this speaks to the fundamental values and beliefs of a person and I know I could never be happy in a relationship with a Tory voter who put their own interests above those of the vulnerable in our society.

When I first met my husband nearly 10 years ago I asked him on our first date where his political alliances lay. If he had told me he was a Tory supporter then I absolutely would not have gone on a second date with him.

CharlottesPleb · 13/12/2019 01:55

I absolutely do not regularly interact with anybody who enables or supports such parties, because I don't believe anybody who supports children literally being starved

It shows that you dont interact with people who vote for other parties because of the fucking ludicrous infantile fairy tale villains you seem to think those people are. Get talking to people on a level and you will see this is just prejudice.

FilthyBiscuit · 13/12/2019 01:58

ExH said my reaction to his Brexit vote was one of the reasons we broke up. I'd agree with that.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 02:03

"I absolutely do not regularly interact with anybody who enables or supports such parties, because I don't believe anybody who supports children literally being starved"

So you live in a bubble then?

How democratic.

"a different opinion on who should be treated like a person, who deserves healthcare, education, and a safe place to live"

You know most Tories believe everyone deserves those things too, they just have a different way of getting to that point?

JFC, some of you honestly make me ashamed to vote for Labour.

And if we're going to play povvo Olympics, I've been homeless both as a child and an adult, registered disabled, unable to work for several years and used food banks.

And I can still see that you're being a twat.

Honestly, the state of some of you.

CrossingTheAlpsInOtley · 13/12/2019 02:12

I should think OP that he would be best advised to divorce you. You sound charmless, small thinking and abusive.

He is living with a controlling person who believes that he should think the same as her and not be allowed to vote any differently from her.

What next, a black eye for him if he joins the Conservative Party? Maybe close down his access to funds so he can't pay his subs.

He should get running and you should get help.

Creepster · 13/12/2019 02:17

I can only assume that some here are in relationships with people they have nothing in common with. I confess to being astonished.

VanGoghsDog · 13/12/2019 02:27

For some people politics is more important than it is for others. I come from a very political family, left wing.

I could not live with someone with vastly different politics. One of the reasons I left most recent ex was that he voted for Brexit, thought Trump was a good idea and was, basically, a Tory. This was not obvious when I met him though.

littlepaddypaws · 13/12/2019 02:27

talk about controlling, i wouldn't tolerate my spouse actting like you that's for sure.

perfectstorm · 13/12/2019 02:37

I have dear friends who vote in a completely opposite way to me, and that's fine. I value them, I value who they are, and we just disagree. But I think marriage is different. You need shared beliefs and a common value system - to be facing in the same direction, essentially. I would really struggle if DH and I held utterly different views on something fundamental in how we saw the world.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 02:41

"For some people politics is more important than it is for others. I come from a very political family, left wing."

I was a Labour party member for years. Campaigned for them even. Politics is massively important to me.

Can still accept that my husband might vote differently to me (he doesn't, generally but he's not British and culturally very different backgrounds.)

If he was voting BNP or something, of course that's something different. But voting centre-right? Yeah. Not that big a deal to me. I massively disagree with how the Tories do things, I would never vote for them, but I was never a fan of New Labour either and don't see them as so different to the Tories.

I see modern Labour as massively out of touch with the traditional working class voter base (of which I'm one) so I don't see a vote for them as anything like the sign of moral superiority that some of their supporters do.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 02:44

Beyond that, I know lots of people who are poor/from immigrant backgrounds who vote Tory.

The Labourites on here seem to ignore those people. Perhaps they get a pass because they are assumed to be too stupid to know what they're doing. That's how rabid Labour voters always come across to me and why Labour lose so many votes in Scotland/the North/Wales these days.

eaglejulesk · 13/12/2019 03:07

His is entitled to his opinion, and it doesn't have to be the same as yours. YABVU

Chocpear · 13/12/2019 03:17

I am sorry OP, definitely shouldn’t be leaving your husband over this, but I would try and read up more on the issue he is a worried about, namely economy. Economic growth here in the UK since the global crash has been sluggish and wages still lower than 2008. We have low investment and low productivity in this country. Also I read today an economic think tank calculated Osborne and Cameron’s decision to impose austerity rather than fiscal stimulus was the cause of our low economic growth and they estimate it cost £100 billion loss to our national coffers due to austerity.

Also the majority of economic institutions and think tanks estimate a hard Brexit will be the most damaging economically with projected figures of the national purse losing £79 billion a year by 2025. If he cared about the economy he should not have voted Conservatives.

Durgasarrow · 13/12/2019 03:18

My husband is handsome and he cooks me a beautiful dinner every damned day. But one year he voted for RALPH NADER and that let George Bush unleash the corrupt cesspool of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars into the world. I'm still mad. But dinner is delicious. So I'm fifty-fifty.

Durgasarrow · 13/12/2019 03:22

Anyway, you guys have no good options, do you, this election? Bad-hair Brexit man v. the anti-semite v. the sexes? what sexes? party. My condolences. (yeah, I know, I accept yours, too)

OneDay10 · 13/12/2019 03:43

fgs op he should be throwing you out for being such a badgering bore.

tillytrotter1 · 13/12/2019 04:00

Does he also want to divorce someone whose opinions he can't control? In the referendum, of all our circle of friends and family my OH voted Leave, the only one, and took a tremendous amount of flak from them I was so angry with them, everyone's entitled to their vote.

PatricksRum · 13/12/2019 04:10

YADNBU
I, for one, could not be with a tory voter

lovesmarties · 13/12/2019 04:13

It shows that you dont interact with people who vote for other parties because of the fucking ludicrous infantile fairy tale villains you seem to think those people are. Get talking to people on a level and you will see this is just prejudice.

This x100.

Fanatical Leftism does not go down well with the VAST MAJORITY of Brits. Just look at the election results. Moderation in all things.