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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 13/12/2019 21:28

It is possible to be a Tory and care about people. Deeply. It just might be that you actually work in the NHS and think that some things are systemic and need to be fixed by a root and branch reorganisation not just more money into the same system. You can have left wing ideals, care about people and society and still vote Tory because you see that you husband who works in the city is watching the economy being crippled by uncertainty. And has just seen a huge upswing in business confidence today.

You might just be a political unicorn.

The last thing the NHS needs is more reform, piled on the huge amount of reform and stealth privatisation it has be subjected to already. It needs proper funding.

And as for your fat cat husband in this scenario was he so worried about the crippling of the economy by the lack of regulation that brought about the 2008 crisis? I'm sure he was wringing his hands when huge amounts of taxpayers money was poured into the banks to protect his job.

Lellikelly26 · 13/12/2019 21:53

You should ask yourself why you can’t tolerate a different view to your own.

Bodyposiftw · 13/12/2019 21:55

But you tolerate things in others that you wouldn't tolerate in the person who shares your life.

artio0 · 13/12/2019 22:08

If this is a real post... I get you. I couldn't be with someone who seriously thinks Boris or any of those little shits is good for the country. Your husband has been reading billionaire owned propaganda and thinks he knows what he's talking about. It's been getting worse and worse the last years, how is the party that governed this shit show suddenly gonna make it much better? They won't.

tillytrotter1 · 13/12/2019 22:15

I could not be with a Tory voter. It’s not just about different political opinions, it’s about holding the same fundamental values in life.

Not this simple though, values and voting don't always go hand in hand. My late mother was an entrenched Labour voter, it was an area where a goat with a red ribbon could get in for Labour, but when we were talking about stuff I said to her You sound exactly like Mrs Thatcher! She was appalled but still voted for a party, Labour, with whom she largely disagreed

bellinisurge · 13/12/2019 22:22

Lots of people who are not Tories voted Tory to a) get to the next stage of Brexit and b) avoid a Corbyn PM. These priorities overrode all the others in the short term. They are not suddenly Tories.
You need to recognise and respect that even if you disagree with it.

LittleSweet · 13/12/2019 22:26

For me, I need my dh to have the same political values as me and the same taste in music. Fortunately while dh was being interviewed by me for the position of husband he passed the test. 😳😆

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 13/12/2019 22:31

Voting is a personal choice!

Snuffkindle · 13/12/2019 22:42

I'm in the same boat. We muddle through. There have been a few flash points over the last few years but generally it all settles down. I don't think Torys are all evil, selfish feckers or thick. Mine isn't. He's a good person. He has just lived in a safe Tory seat all his life and is entrenched in the view that conservatives are safest with the economy.

VanGoghsDog · 13/12/2019 23:07

Voting is a personal choice!

Lucky no-one is suggesting it isn't then.

Not wanting to be married to someone with a different political persuasion is not the same as saying they don't have choice who to vote for.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/12/2019 05:45

I just came back to say I had one of those posts pop up on my newsfeed yesterday saying "if you voted Conservative we are incompatible so please remove yourself from my friends list".
I deleted the idiot but it seems people really do feel this strongly.

Wolfiewolf · 14/12/2019 12:06

I hope so for his sake.

ForalltheSaints · 14/12/2019 12:17

I am surprised that long ago you did not have any conversation that indicated his political leanings given this is so important for you.

DameFanny · 14/12/2019 13:56

I think this guy puts it succinctly

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?
TheProdigalKittensReturn · 14/12/2019 14:20

How did you not know what his political views were until now? I've never not known how my DH would vote, or vice versa, because before any election we'll have been discussing it for months.

WorkingAsHardAsICan · 14/12/2019 14:22

A lot of people voted Conservative this time not because they think the conservatives are great, but because of what the opposition stood for.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 14/12/2019 14:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BlueMoon1103 · 14/12/2019 14:27

I hate this shit. No, he’s allowed a different opinion, grow up and accept your way of thinking is not the only one.

dottiedodah · 14/12/2019 14:50

Well I voted Jo Swinson, and DH voted JC .Our friend /Lodger, Green, Son JC ,DD NO one! Should I stop speaking to All /Some of them then? I was under the impression we live in a democracy here ,and we could vote for who we feel will do the best job surely? As in the Brexit vote families were not speaking to one another /holding a grudge .Does everyone like watching Football (no just DH and DS) ! East Enders Me /DD and so on .Just have to suck it up really .Has he changed to Tory ,or always voted for them do you think?Need to respect others decisions here!

woodchuck99 · 14/12/2019 15:06

I hate this shit. No, he’s allowed a different opinion, grow up and accept your way of thinking is not the only one.

I hate all the "he's allowed to have a different opinion" shit and think those who keep spouting it should grow up and realise that it is not on a par with an opinion on something trivial and when translated into votes has the potential to have a huge negative impact on lives. Of course he is allowed a different opinion but OP is allowed to not want to be in a relationship with him as a result. Sometimes it reflects a huge difference in values and morals which may make one person no longer wish to remain in a relationship with the other.

Merename · 14/12/2019 15:08

I would seriously struggle to accept this, especially since you’ve felt you’ve always had similar politics. I feel that way about my DH and if I found out he’d voted Tory, I’d feel I didn’t know who he was, that he didn’t have the values that I thought. That does affect a relationship. I don’t think you’re being controlling to be concerned - it’s about the person you share their life with and what is important to them, compared with what’s important to you.

ThisMumisaMan · 14/12/2019 15:22

Maybe if you can't accept him having different opinions to you, it's not him who has or is the problem?

woodchuck99 · 14/12/2019 15:22

Yes, food banks and poverty has increased but that was because 13 years of Labour left everyone dependent on the welfare state and the country bankrupt

Lol. The financial crisis was thanks to the banks and was global so not sure how you hold Labour responsible. Anyway, we weren't all bankrupt and dependent on the welfare state. Regardless, the Tories have been in power for a good few years now so at what point do you start blaming their policies for poverty rather than Labour? Will you still be blaming Labour in 20 years even if the Tories have been in government during the entire time?

woodchuck99 · 14/12/2019 15:43

Maybe if you can't accept him having different opinions to you, it's not him who has or is the problem?

You make it sound as if it is similar to having a difference opinion in where to go on holiday or what have for tea that night. It might be for you but some people are a bit less trivial.

VanGoghsDog · 14/12/2019 16:06

Well I voted Jo Swinson, and DH voted JC

Gosh, one of you lives in Scotland and one in Islington, what a terribly modern marriage.