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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
RedWineIsFabulous · 13/12/2019 17:37

You need to get a grip.

We are all entitled to our opinion.

Whattodoabout · 13/12/2019 17:57

Don’t blame you, I’d run a mile if my DH turned Tory as well. Sickening.

TheGoogleMum · 13/12/2019 18:00

I know some married couples make political differences work. I couldn't be married to a Tory either though so I said YANBU

SmellMySmellbow · 13/12/2019 18:01

Of course we are all entitled to our own opinion, but I for one could never be married to someone right-wing. I just don't find it attractive. It's too much of a fundamental indicator of type. Just like I couldn't be married to someone who was incredibly bone-arse lazy, or someone who was deeply religious. It's a fairly big thing, to have a big opposing political world view. It goes deeper than people give it credit for, it's not just a different opinion like 'I like Corrie and he likes Eastenders'

Cloudyyy · 13/12/2019 18:02

If you can’t accept and respect that someone has a different opinion to you, perhaps talking politics isn’t for you. Grow up! Your husband’s vote is his own, as yours is your own. Get a grip.

SmellMySmellbow · 13/12/2019 18:08

You can accept that someone has a different opinion and respect that and at the same time say "Well you're just not my type." Although I will happily listen to and have discourse with anyone, my friendships (of vast range of ages, backgrounds and nationalities) are based on common interests, values, moral compass, sense of humour etc. That's what makes the initial relationships develop into a friendship. A marriage surely is that to the highest level plus added sexual attraction. I couldn't be a life companion of someone with whom I had a different belief system from, no matter how much either one of you are entitled to it.

SmellMySmellbow · 13/12/2019 18:09

(But I will say it wouldn't be something to take me by surprise once married, I'd have sussed this stuff out early doors when dating)

delineateddelinquent · 13/12/2019 18:10

Do him a favour and leave him. He’ll be better off without you controlling his political views.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 13/12/2019 18:11

I married a Tory OP . Very nice, kind, calm man . Though we divorced years ago he is always there to help me with money . Really evil ay .? I am no Tory myself but talk about labelling all with the same label .

I would leave your DH , life might be nicer for him .

FreedomfromPE · 13/12/2019 18:12

A shame he's used a reason that is demonstrably wrong, perhaps show him the figures?. But how do you get all the way to married without an inkling of his voting tendencies.

OrangeTwirl · 13/12/2019 18:15

Here... Have a grip! 🙄 《 In fact have another one 》 How old are you?

Bodyposiftw · 13/12/2019 18:17

I sympathise. I have been crying loads over this and I don't want to speak to the in- laws right now because they vote Tory. It's not just the Tory vote that upsets me, it's the idea that anyone could vote for the racist, sexist, lying sack of shit that is BoJo.
Though he has never voted Tory in his life , DH told me to let it go and that was enough to piss me off.
Having said that, I knew we had the same political views before marrying him.
How come you never discussed this before?

Cloudyyy · 13/12/2019 18:19

Stop peddling this idea that everyone who wen out yesterday and voted labour/ conservative are completely at odds morally or hold different fundamental values. People have voted for the party they believe will heal our country and resolve the huge issues we face as a nation. Generally, with few exceptions, people all seem to want the same thing: a fair, supportive and democratic system that helps as many people as we can without bankrupting ourselves and creating more issues for future generations. We’ve all voted for the party we think will do the best to help people. There is no absolute answer and no bunch of baddies and bunch of goodies. It’s just a large group of imperfect people trying to vote for the best solution to an overwhelming set of problems. It seems to me that in general, people are more alike than they are different.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 13/12/2019 18:21

DH and I voted differently for the first time. We both care about the disadvantaged, the NHS etc. We disagree on which party can actually improve lives. Labour's promises are not the same as delivery of those promises. Same for Tory.

Are you really so stuck in an echo chamber that you think Labour people care and Tory people don't? No! Most of all of us care but we differ on who we think will actually deliver a better life for people.

Maybe assume the best of people, including your DH, and find out why they think their vote was the best choice.

simonisnotme · 13/12/2019 18:22

Biscuit how do you think he feels being married to you
same as ^^cloudyyy 'grow up' everyone is entitled to their personal opinion
and its funny that people are asking how anyone could vote for BoJo look at the fucking results Tories have done better than ever
btw I didnt vote

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 18:24

It's not just the Tory vote that upsets me, it's the idea that anyone could vote for the racist, sexist, lying sack of shit that is BoJo.

But it's ok to vote for JC who is all those things, aswell?

JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 13/12/2019 18:25

It is possible to be a Tory and care about people. Deeply. It just might be that you actually work in the NHS and think that some things are systemic and need to be fixed by a root and branch reorganisation not just more money into the same system. You can have left wing ideals, care about people and society and still vote Tory because you see that you husband who works in the city is watching the economy being crippled by uncertainty. And has just seen a huge upswing in business confidence today.

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 18:26

Having said that, I knew we had the same political views before marrying him.
How come you never discussed this before?

Are you really that naive to think that political stances cant change? Surely people who dont change their vote and ignore the political climate, the world as whole, the state of the country and what each party is offering are the worst type of voters.

Sunflower20 · 13/12/2019 18:28

Well why don’t you divorce him then? Hmm

JeffreeStar · 13/12/2019 18:33

really? Your poor husband isn’t allowed his own personal views is he? If this was the other way around, people would be saying He is abusive. Get over yourself.

Bodyposiftw · 13/12/2019 18:36

Marleyism I don't believe Corbyn is anywhere near as awful as Johnson, nope.
Never said anything about voting for him though.
My point stands though.
I have never been overjoyed with the Tories and with the in-laws supporting them, but I have mostly shrugged it off.
This time, I am struggling.

Bodyposiftw · 13/12/2019 18:37

As for changing parties I can see that. I myself have voted Green, Lib Dem and Labour at different times and depending on the actual election.

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 18:41

Marleyism I don't believe Corbyn is anywhere near as awful as Johnson, nope.

I didnt judge who was worse. I am saying all the words you used are also applicable to JC. So you would be angry if they voted for him too, I assume? So only the person you voted for was acceptable?

And also if you didnt vote labour and voted for a party that had no chance, many people feel, about you, the way you feel about your in laws. They feel you wasted your vote and that labour were the only chance to get him out, you chose not to do that.

UnderHisEyeBall · 13/12/2019 18:45

Odd responses to this thread. I would refer some of the people on here to some of the threads about people having different religious opinion. It's practically a form of virtue signalling for some atheists to refuse to countenance even being friends with somebody with different beliefs to them, let along marrying somebody with them.

You are always entirely within your rights to end a relationship if you don't feel your values match. Particularly if you feel that has changed, surely?

Bodyposiftw · 13/12/2019 18:46

Agree with PP who mentioned religion, very similar situation. I have religious friends and respect their views, at times I think their faith is a lovely thing and I wish I had some myself.
But what you don't mind in friends can be a deal-breaker in a couple.
I personally don't think I could have children with someone who has such different views to mine. It is your life partner, not just someone you have a pint with every now and then.