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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
Chocaholic9 · 24/10/2021 10:12

@MrsToothyBitch

Glad for you, OP. Without sounding trite, I think it all worked out for the best and hope you get to build a wonderful life.

Perhaps his future holds bladder or kidney stones. I wish him a consultant who really advocates trying to pass them naturally... no pain killers allowed.

Lol. Love this!
Chatterboxy · 24/10/2021 12:42

I certainly wouldn’t even be thinking of having a child with this arrogant prick!

Sillawithans · 24/10/2021 12:59

Lay his eggs.

Wtf.

I feel sorry for you that you have sex with this critter.

vajingleberry · 24/10/2021 13:06

@Chatterboxy

I certainly wouldn’t even be thinking of having a child with this arrogant prick!
@Chatterboxy

Good job she didn't then.

Read the OPs updates.

Things have moved on in the last 2 years.

avocadotofu · 24/10/2021 13:08

What wonderful updates! I'm so happy for you :)!!!

HappyDays40 · 24/10/2021 13:21

Tell him you will be willing to have the conversation when he has grown a womb with a capacity to grow a baby.

Marvellousmadness · 24/10/2021 13:45

Omg yes op!!! You left him!!!good on you.
That was the absolute best outcome. He would have been a nightmare. His outdated (and other terms)views on birth... was just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine how he would have been when you actually had a child with him. No girl. You chose wisely ☆

Im impressed op! You go girl!🥰

vajingleberry · 24/10/2021 13:46

@HappyDays40

Why would she do that?
The marriage is over and they are in the process of divorcing.

Even if you couldn't be arsed to read the OPs updates by clicking the "see all" button, the two comments immediately above yours might have been a clue.

TurquoiseDragon · 24/10/2021 13:46

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

Yes. It took me 30 years to get away from my abuser, so good job in getting away from yours much, much sooner.

I'm glad it's all worked out, and joining others in wishing painful kidney or gallstones for him. Grin

SpookyPumpkinPants · 24/10/2021 13:53

Thank the actual fuck for that.
I'm so glad you saw sense in the end!

TheChiefJo · 24/10/2021 13:56

Please don't reproduce with him. He's weird, disrespectful and unpleasant.

TheChiefJo · 24/10/2021 14:00

Sorry, OP. Just seen the updates and realised the date on the original!

note to self: RTFT Jo!

Hope you are well and life is looking good for you.

soshnomore · 24/10/2021 14:15

Haha thanks to everyone who read the update, and even the people that didn't and just reconfirmed I definitely made the right decision.

Despite all the other stuff going on in the last 18 months, I really haven't been happier in a long time.

I have a TONNE of regrets, but being a soon to be divorcee and ex wife is DEFINITELY not one of them Grin

OP posts:
Chocaholic9 · 24/10/2021 14:23

@soshnomore

Haha thanks to everyone who read the update, and even the people that didn't and just reconfirmed I definitely made the right decision.

Despite all the other stuff going on in the last 18 months, I really haven't been happier in a long time.

I have a TONNE of regrets, but being a soon to be divorcee and ex wife is DEFINITELY not one of them Grin

Good for you! Wishing you a tonne of happiness in the future. x
Lottapianos · 24/10/2021 14:41

How fantastic. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. Wishing you a lifetime of peace and freedom x

SunscreenCentral · 24/10/2021 15:03

I'm sorry OP, I'm sure you married him with love and hope in your heart.
Well done on escaping from him and I wish you every happiness and peace in your life Flowers

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/10/2021 15:05

@Breathlessness

’He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby’

And you want to have children with him? Why?

Blimey, THIS! I can't believe the OP is still giving this twat house-room.
VickyEadieofThigh · 24/10/2021 15:06

Aaaand this is why I should (a) look at the date of an OP and (b) look at all their posts before sticking my snout in!

upthekyber · 24/10/2021 15:09

That's fine ifs the same for men the more pain the better they bind you get to repeatedly kick him in the balls through out labour.
Or alternatively don't have children with him, this so just the first of many issue you will have with pregnancy, child birth, bringing up children and it will get worse.

upthekyber · 24/10/2021 15:12

@soshnomore

I'm sure nobody is wondering what happened, but I enjoy seeing updates on reddit so thought I'd add a quick one.

I didn't get pregnant. I finally ended our marriage about 6 months after this post (this was the tip of a very large and emotionally abusive iceberg), and we'll hopefully be officially divorced next month.

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

So so happy for you. Here is to your next chapter
FadedRed · 24/10/2021 15:22

Well done, Soshnomore, best wishes for the rest of your life!

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 24/10/2021 15:29

I remember reading this thread at the time you posted it and I am so glad you've LTB.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 24/10/2021 15:30

Yes I have read the thread.

Just for the future, OP, I had a water birth and I’ve had another on ‘dry land.’ Water birth wins! Hope you get to have one with a lovely man one day.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 24/10/2021 15:37

Well done on getting out OP he sounds very dangerous.

Enjoy being free and I hope when you’re ready you find an awesome man who recognises you for the treasure you are!

Klinkerbell · 24/10/2021 15:46

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.
There is just nothing else to say other than this! Oh wait I thought of something... Walk the fuck away!!
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