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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
Bumtum126 · 27/10/2021 07:18

What happens do people click on a thread with 600 replies , don't see the original date or the number of pages or look at the OPs posts , just read the first post and then add a reply?Confused

Lokdok · 27/10/2021 08:29

He’s disgusting. He has the last say on it? How YOU give birth!? The way you give birth may well not be down to a choice in the end anyway. If he’s trying to prescribe this to you, think of all the parenting choices HE will make. You need to leave.

vajingleberry · 27/10/2021 15:10

@Bumtum126

What happens do people click on a thread with 600 replies , don't see the original date or the number of pages or look at the OPs posts , just read the first post and then add a reply?Confused
Sadly, yes.

@RedHelenB You're seriously ttc with him?

No she isn't. This thread is from 2019

If you had bothered to even glance at the OPs updates you would have been able to see that she has left him and they are getting divorced.

@Lokdok Maybe stop frothing and take the time to read the updates (or even just the 2 comments above yours)

user9764577436 · 27/10/2021 15:52

As long as every time you have a contraction you also get to kick him in the bollocks to ensure he also has a chance to create a bond with the baby.

MarshmallowSwede · 27/10/2021 16:07

Honestly.. if this were me, once he said “women who have more pain bond with their babies etc” I would stop listening.

I would plan a water birth. Considering you’re the one birthing it’s for you to decide what kind of birthing experience you want.

Your husband needs to sit down and shut his mouth. Who cares what he wants with YOUR birth. When he pushes the baby out he can have a “land birth”.

Why can’t he just let you have a water birth?

MarshmallowSwede · 27/10/2021 16:08

Didn’t realise it was a zombie thread

Lokdok · 27/10/2021 16:24

@vajingleberry oh do piss off. Do you say people are frothing in real life? You realise you’re also taking the time to comment on a zombie thread… odd!

vajingleberry · 27/10/2021 16:38

Do you say people are frothing in real life?

Yes - if they are.

You realise you’re also taking the time to comment on a zombie thread… odd!

Just trying to save some people from wasting their time getting worked up over a situation that no longer exists.

What I do with my time is up to me.

sbhydrogen · 27/10/2021 16:41

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard 😂

sbhydrogen · 27/10/2021 16:43

I'm glad to have read your latest updates, OP. Good work!

TopCatsTopHat · 27/10/2021 16:45

Thank goodness you didn't have kids with him. Well done on your escape op! May you live well from now on.

GabriellaMontez · 27/10/2021 16:48

It's great to read a thread where the OP got away. Sounds like it's been tough. But you aren't tied to him forever (like I am). Soon it will all be in the past.

thehistorymum · 27/10/2021 16:53

Go you OP!!! The future is a much brighter place than the past.

I hope if its still what you want, when the time is right, you get your water birth

Snaketime · 27/10/2021 17:00

I am so glad that I RTFT and the update before commenting. I am glad you left him OP.

viques · 27/10/2021 17:06

Tell him you will respect his opinions about childbirth options the moment you watch him push a small honeydew melon out of his arse without pain relief.

viques · 27/10/2021 17:09

And now I have read the update............." Blush wishing you every happiness in your new life OP.

TwistMyOlive · 27/10/2021 17:18

Pain means you’ll bond better 😂😂😂😂😂 crock of shit. Safety first for you and baby. He’s a twat on this one.

Ladyraven0483 · 27/10/2021 17:19

I wouldn’t have a kid with this man seriously fucking run!

LadyJaye · 27/10/2021 17:35

This is genuinely one of the best updates on a thread I've EVER read.

Kudos to you, OP, and wishing you a lifetime of happiness!

Rainbowsew · 27/10/2021 22:49

Ditch him now he won't get any better with daft comment like that about pain/bonding!!

Rainbowsew · 27/10/2021 22:53

Late to the party obviously! Well done op glad you got out of that mess and wish you all the best for the future Flowers

Idony · 27/10/2021 22:54

He sounds like a fucking weirdo. At least he's shown his true colours now. Imagine his views on breastfeeding, sleeping, discipline and school choices. Controlling bellends never change. And anyone who says 'and that's final' can be shown the door.

Idony · 27/10/2021 22:55

Oh, oops, well very glad to see the update! Glad you're out of it.

They really do never change

LAgeDeRaisin · 27/10/2021 23:03

Delighted for you, OP! Congratulations and best of luck for your exciting newfound freedom Flowers

ANameChangeAgain · 27/10/2021 23:11

Really pleased to see the conclusion of this story @soshnomore. Congratulations and very well done.

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