SIL constantly wanting me to step in for child care, on nightshifts!

[Niki93]

So, my sister in law recently got offered a job in our local hospital in the A&E department, which was great, but obviously meant difficult long days that could involve nightshift. Which she knew. She and my brother have two kids (4&6). My brother works away offshore so she needs childcare during her shifts after school time.

I work full time, 9-5 (sometimes hours outside of this, in a role thats slightly emotionally draining) im also 18 weeks pregnant with my first. I offered to watch the kids 2x a week maximum between 6pm-9pm depending on when her shifts finished etc. As i felt this was the most i could do as im struggling with migraines often from the pregnancy.

She asked me the other week if i could babysit the kids 3 nights in a row on a monday tuesday and Wednesday NIGHT(to sleep over) when im at work in the mornings, whilst she does nightshifts. She suggested she would pick them up in the morning before i start work, however shes renowed poor time keeping. Meaning i could be late for work if the kids arent picked up in time when she finishes nightshift.

I personally found this abit cheeky. Its alot of commitment off me when i have my own things going on. As a family (me, my mam and sister) we all told her she knew what she was going into when she accepted her nursing job in A&E, and that doing night shifts with two young kids and a partner who works away was never going to be manageable. She ignored our points because she wanted the job, and has took it upon herself to think that me and my mother will constantly be at her disposal for when she needs a sitter.

I politely declined, and stuck to my agreement of 2 nights a week for a couple hours. Shes not happy with this and now reluctantly replying to me for anything, probably in a huff. AIBU?

(Both her parents dont work and havnt for 20 years, but they wont support as much because they’re ‘in their late 60’s and find it hard’)

I feel sorry for her children, she treats them as if they are someone else's problem, that's a bad message for them to be given

Your sil is being totally unfair. She wants the income from working but does not want to arrange proper childcare and to pay for it. You can't expect family member's to put their lives on hold to save you money. I know some couples where once they had kids they changed jobs, went part time ect because of child care or to be around for the kids school holidays. Even with good childcare in place family members or parents would have to mind the kids on occasion.
I know nurses in the past who did the long hours and nights but once they had kids they tried hard to get more family friendly posts and in many cases they did further training in a speclist area to get these post's.
You need to stand up to your sil and tell her you can't mind her children and she needs to sort out proper childcare if she wants to stay working in a and e.
I would also tell your brother what she is asking you to do and that you not in a position to do this. Let him and his wife sort out their child care issues now.

I once remember a friend of mine telling me that her younger sister was very put out that she wouldn't mind her baby for free when she was returning to work after Mat leave.
My friend had children in school and apparently had plenty of free time to oblige her sister. Her sister felt regular childcare was very expensive!! Hilarious!

My friend didn't get the least upset. She laughed at sister and wouldn't even discuss it.

She really is having difficulty adjusting to the fact that she needs to think of someone other than herself, isn't she? Namely, her children. Their father is away, she is the parent in charge, she is the parent responsible for ensuring their welfare, and making provision for their supervision and wellbeing.

That comes well before her work wants. If she can sort that in such a way that she can also indulge her work wants, well and good. If she can't, then she's going to have to accept that wanting in this case will not be the same as getting.

While she might want family to provide childcare for free, she's been told this isn't going to happen. So now she's got to decide what she's going to do. And do it. But first and foremost, are her responsibilities to her children. Time to put her mummy pants on.