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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU why do women have more than 2 children

300 replies

Gin96 · 09/12/2019 12:45

2 children, Now we have the benifit cap? I see so many women struggling after having baby number 3 after the cut off date in 2017. I don’t agree with the cap but it is what it is. Men should pay towards their children but i’m afraid a lot don’t and it’s left on the shoulders of women. Why do women put themselves in this vulnerable position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gin96 · 09/12/2019 20:04

@baguetteanoutit well you live in a bubble, there are so many people struggling to pay there rent. UC takes 6 weeks before you receive any money.

OP posts:
notnowmaybelater · 09/12/2019 20:05

Gin96 where do you live or what circles do you move in that you know a lot of women pregnant with a fourth child which they can't afford to raise?

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 09/12/2019 20:10

I had three because we could afford them and things were fine. That was until my ex became violent towards them. I now work ft but do get some tax credits to top up my wages. He's walked off Scot free shame I didn't have a crystal ball at?

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 09/12/2019 20:10

Ay not at

Empra123 · 09/12/2019 20:10

Because my second pregnancy was twins. What was i supposed to do? Send one back?

HotSince82 · 09/12/2019 20:13

Most families that I know petsonally have three children on average.
Only on mumsnet have I come across the attitude that two is the acceptable number, nobody appears to voice this opinion in real life.
I the MN obsession with other women's reproductive choices odd to say the least.

titnomatani · 09/12/2019 20:13

People think of their benefit entitlement before they have a baby?! That's disgusting- the responsibility of bringing up children falls on parents, not the state. I have never been on benefits and am not entitled to any while I stay at home and raise my children. That does not mean I resent or regret having them!

midsummabreak · 09/12/2019 20:15

Boris, is that you Brefugee
Smile

titnomatani · 09/12/2019 20:15

Also this with bells on:

Stay out of other peoples uteri. It's not your business.

Elbeagle · 09/12/2019 20:15

People think of their benefit entitlement before they have a baby?!

Do they? Who says?

Baguetteaboutit · 09/12/2019 20:16

I live in a bubble because I don't know a household with four children who cannot afford their rent? I am quite anti-social I suppose so it's no beyond the realms of reason.

Original poster
Gin96 · 09/12/2019 20:21

@baguette you said you don’t know anyone that is struggling to pay there rent, well there are millions of people struggling to pay there rent, especially in the south east

OP posts:
Baguetteaboutit · 09/12/2019 20:22

No, try reading it again.

HotSince82 · 09/12/2019 20:35

I had five because there wasn't any reason not to.

Babybel90 · 09/12/2019 20:40

Nobody can rely on someone staying with you, anyone can end up on benefits. I know a lot of single mums who have met a new partner, decided to have another baby, relationship doesn’t last and now the poor Mum has another child she doesn’t get any support for.

I don’t think it can happen to anyone though, if any of my friends left their family and didn’t support their children they’d be ostracised by their friends and family, and the women would support themselves through working not just rely on handouts.

Macca84 · 09/12/2019 20:44

Huh? Do some people believe that every mother claims benefits?? I've only had the one, BUT I've never claimed benefits Confused Odd post.

Macca84 · 09/12/2019 20:44

Oh and I'm a single parent too. No menz to rely on.

Jenpop234 · 09/12/2019 20:50

Hmm. Agree and disagree. I personally wouldn't have more than 2 children due to environmental impact and overpopulation worries but I don't care if others do. On one hand I agree with you because there definitely are people who had more kids than they could afford because then they don't have to look for work (I know someone who works in the job centre who says this is definitely the case) and that's just wrong. However, some women might have previously been married but have then split up from their partner and I don't think you can live your life planning for the worse. An interesting discussion point.

makingmammaries · 09/12/2019 20:58

Because I can support them on my salary...

neonglow · 09/12/2019 21:01

But single mums ‘working to support themselves’ would often need a lot of free childcare in order to do so. I know I certainly would if my husband decided to leave.

Original poster
Gin96 · 09/12/2019 21:14

@neonglow yes especially if you have to pay for 3 or more children in childcare. Yes men should share the responsibility as the other responsible parent but in reality this doesn’t happen.

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 09/12/2019 21:14

I don't think most people plan their lives around what benefits they can get. Some women can afford their children even gasp without a man.

Original poster
Gin96 · 09/12/2019 21:16

There are a lot of single mums struggling. The more children you have the harder it is. Yes men should step up for their children but in reality this doesn’t happen.

OP posts:
Alyic · 09/12/2019 21:19

I would have loved three children but could only manage to have one. I dare say we would have struggled but it's not forever

PhoenixIsFlying · 09/12/2019 21:30

Considering over population is one of the biggest threats to our planet, I think 'everyone' should think seriously about having a large family and the consequences of that.