AIBU why do women have more than 2 children

[Gin96]

2 children, Now we have the benifit cap? I see so many women struggling after having baby number 3 after the cut off date in 2017. I don’t agree with the cap but it is what it is. Men should pay towards their children but i’m afraid a lot don’t and it’s left on the shoulders of women. Why do women put themselves in this vulnerable position?

You are being unreasonable with the title you have used - if a woman (or couple) can afford to have 10 children and not rely on benefits to bring them up then that is their choice.
A better title might be Why do people choose to have more children than they can afford?

I don't claim any benefits, and wouldn't need to even if DH and I were to separate. Therefore it's no one else's business how many children I have.

Hope this helps.

Now we have the benifit cap?

you do realise that the benefit cap makes absolutely 0 difference for a lot of mothers?

I can't tell you about other women, but I can tell you why I only had 4, because I couldn't afford to have more. So I stopped at 4.

HTH

The most vulnerable position is that of the children.
Never mind the benefit cap, the science on the climate has been clear since 2017 (and obviously before); it is clear that having fewer children is likely the most impactful thing one can do for the environment. And it is increasingly evident that the planet faces climate and ecological breakdown, unfolding at a more alarming rate that previously predicted. Knowing this, why would you want to?

I honestly can’t say I thought about any benefits I would receive before I got pregnant. Blimey we just wanted a baby to love, I’m pregnant again and again did not think about any benefits we would get.
I’m not having any more kids after baby 2, because I don’t want to go through pregnancy again. Also I want to have enough time for my kids and I feel for me personally two will be demanding enough for me, with the animals and the house/garden to deal with as well.
Not thought about the money side of it, but having a third would not be affordable for us and lower our families quality of life dramatically.
Also most houses are designed for a family of four, my kids won’t have to share a room. There’s a lot to think about really when considering a third.
But we are not.

Nobody can rely on someone staying with you, anyone can end up on benefits.

By that logic, it doesn't make sense to have any children.

We have 4, we don’t get child benefits for any of them anyway due to income so that’s totally irrelevant to our life choices.

I don't care how many children woman have, surly it's up to them.

But I do agree with the benefits cut. It's a way of population control, or at least make some people think about the immediate impact- even if it's just about their income.
And let's face it, the national average is still 2. something children/ family. So what is the actual problem?

Nobody can rely on someone staying with you,
Children should be able to rely on both parents even if they split up.

Not every person who has more than 3 children rely on benefits. In fact it’s quite the opposite. I only have 2 and don’t want anymore but some ladies have more and that’s their choice.

Also. It’s easy to judge a family who lives in benefits. Quite often people could work when they don’t but also thousands if people generally rely on benefits because they’ve fallen in hard times. I have been on benefits for about 3 years as a single parent (several years ago now) as I had no choice. Yet now I am financially independent and own my own home.

Not every child has a dad that provides for them. Myself included. My own dad wasn’t around fortunately my partner is a great dad.

Life isn’t perfect for everyone.

I have 3 children - I work to support them and do not get any benefits. I don't feel I'm in vulnerable position at all.

My DD was born into a loving relationship. When she was 22 months old, the dad walked. We had even tried for a second. I'm glad number 2 never happened. I've never had any more because I cant afford it.

If I was to have another, I'd want to be married first. Atleast have some protection. Although I'm 36 now so it's unlikely that'll happen.

Because we have babies for reasons that do not include benefits.

Duh.

Want the honest reason why I had a third child?

DH and I got pissed last Christmas and forgot the condom.
That’s why.
But now she’s here, she’s the best little “Christmas oops” ever

Boris, is that you?

Irresponsible men

Only men are irresponsible the woman isn't present? It's a sad fact of life that women often bear the brunt of child rearing so, knowing that, maybe they too should bear some responsibility.

So ALL women must be either supported by men or relying on benefits?

Women do bear responsibility for their children. Where irresponsible men are involved, women bear all the responsibility.

Because they are bonkers, tbh. grin THIS

My neighbour is currently pregnant with child no3. Both her and her husband have good careers. They can afford it, are good parents and want another child so it’s right for them.

Because not every family claims benefits?

most single parent families become single parents because their dp/dh leave them - -many of these women are pregnant before they need help or their dh/dp become redundant etc - & as others state it takes two. Although its the right time of year there aren't that many virgin births around & no method of birth control is 100%

There are a lot of reasons for not having a third child - the environment, another career break impacting career prospects and pension, the risk of a child with extra needs or a medical condition and whether this possibility would impact the pre-existing children, the big increase in expense going from a standard "average" sized family of four for whom everything is packaged these days (from packaged food to medium sized cars to "family" hotel rooms - have you ever searched for a family room for a family of five?) to the risk of creating a middle child dynamic and not having time over the next 18 years for three individuals who all have completely separate needs, interests, worries, hopes, dreams, ambitions, friends, talents and deserve to be treated as unique people not a herd of kids who all have to do things together to make their parents' lives easier.

All those are things to consider. I know as we have 3. Sleep was the biggest issue in the first few years, and time as the children get older and reach teens and pre teens and are no longer a delightful little litter of puppy like delightful tinnies but completely separate human beings each one of whom deserves as much individual attention as an only child.

The benefits cap? Not so relevant (and wouldn't have been even if we lived in the UK )

Where I live now you get slightly more child benefit for the third child, and it's an uncapped universal benefit and more than in the UK. It still comes nowhere near covering the cost of a third child though and certainly isn't the reason to have another child!

Because they have twins/triplets?

Because not all pregnancies are the result of consent from the woman?

Because not everyone is on benefits?

Because some couples want 3 kids?

Because many 3 children families have both parents living with them?

Because you can't guarantee that the father of your baby won't die/have an affair/be unable to work/become an addict etc?

& when we had dc didn't think about child allowance we just wanted all our dc (the reason I chose the number we had was because of the number of car seats in the back of the car

My SIL was a lone parent with three children. But then on the other hand, I don't think she realised her husband would die of cancer when their youngest was only a baby.