AIBU why do women have more than 2 children

[Gin96]

2 children, Now we have the benifit cap? I see so many women struggling after having baby number 3 after the cut off date in 2017. I don’t agree with the cap but it is what it is. Men should pay towards their children but i’m afraid a lot don’t and it’s left on the shoulders of women. Why do women put themselves in this vulnerable position?

I also have four children. Have never claimed benefits. Planned on three and had a surprise. I was sterilized afterwards.
I have environmental impact guilt but I could never be without any of them and we can definitely afford them.

notnowmaybelater

out of curiosity, why do you think YOU get to chose what the point is?

and why do you think you get to decide what MY point and my original answer was about?

The only one stamping her foot is you here. Not sure why you seem so enraged about my post, is it so hard to realise not everybody shares your views?

Panicovereveryone
why out of date? The inheritance of the late duke of Westminster is not exactly ancient history, and that's only one of the most publicised ones.

To be fair, if my DH left me then I would probably be forced to claim some degree of benefits. He is a sahd and I don't think it would be possible for me to pay for wrap around childcare for five children. I'd no doubt be better off working part time and claiming top up benefits in such an instance if that would even be a possibility.

This constant cry of it not being fair. Life is not fair

indeed. Thankfully things are still changing though, slowly but they are. It looks like the majority agrees less and less with the ridiculous system we have. Some posters might not like it, but just look at the facts. You never know, we might even end up with a fairer system.

andpancakesforbreakfast because it's economically so short sighted in terms of cost to society long term and so completely amoral on a human level to put children into poverty all in order to enforce a neoliberal view of what's fair.

because the current system has been SO successful about promoting social mobility .. oh, wait..

I don't agree with the current system, so I am doing what little I can to try to change it, let's just hope the majority agrees with me 🤷

ODFOD you do know women can and do work right?

why out of date? Because you can’t do that now. Yes have done it before, but it doesn’t work that way now. That ship has sailed.

Why blame policies or government though? Surely the best thing for the children is to get their parents to step up and force that if necessary. It’s very sad we have to though rather than it being the expected norm.

Nobody has to have children in the UK. If you choose to do so then you need to ensure you can provide for them now and should a relationship status change etc.

If you choose to do so then you need to ensure you can provide for them now and should a relationship status change etc.

Yes, all you parents of disabled children you should have planned better, and well if one becomes ill or worse should have planned for that too.

All I can think is that some people live incredibly cushioned lives.

ODFOD you do know women can and do work right?

you're going tell me they can drive and vote next!

I guess I'm just going have to agree to disagree on this. Kids being in poverty will always be more important to me than some people taking the piss with benefits.
It saddens me a little to see the same hostility I saw as a kid towards people claiming benefits. I think we've actually gotten less understanding and empathetic as a country.
I hope no one ends up in a position where they need assistance, but if they do, it should be there no matter what.

@notnowmaybelater To answer your question...I receive CB for one son - my extremely wealthy ex receives it for the other. No working tax credit.

And what I am saying is this...I don't think it's right that some people (and absolutely by no means all) choose not to work and claim benefits and that these people should have more disposable income than a family in which there are people working ft.
We both work ft but cannot afford to take holidays abroad, I don't have haircuts, we don't really socialise much at all due to money restraints. We privately rent and by the time that's paid for a huge chunk of our income is of course gone. So yes, we go without what we see as luxuries in order to pay for the necessities.

Because they want to, we don't yet live under socialism and benefits are ideally a contingency plan not anyone's intended career path.

What a dumb post. Most women have 1/2/3/ 4 children and pay for them, either singly or as part of a couple, without ever claiming any benefits.

I have three children, soon to be four. I am in a happy relationship, receive no benefits whatsoever and we can easily afford our children.

However, if heaven forbid, my husband was to leave or pass away, I simply would not be able to afford to keep living as we do currently. Obviously I’d make lifestyle changes, would need to move house and need to work full time (I’m currently part time) but none of this would be instant. This is the unfortunate position some women/men find themselves in.

I think the benefit system is a huge blessing, however I do think it needs reform to become more of a tool to enable people back on their feet, than to get stuck in a rut of dependency.

andpancakesforbreakfast are you saying that forcing children into poverty will increase social mobility? Meeting children's basic needs through benefits if necessary was never about social mobility so much as about preventing things getting even worse. Free childcare for 2 year olds could be argued to be about social mobility but can't work if the children are cold, hungry, overcrowded or in insecure housing.

RainMinusBow child benefit is a benefit. As it's a means tested benefit in the UK your extremely wealthy ex must be committing benefit fraud? It's a bit rich to accept any benefits at all while simultaneously benefits bashing.

The fact is that the children of those in work will always have better prospects than those whose parents are on benefits, and nobody on benefits is living in luxury long term - there'll be debt and things bought on credit and returned if they appear to be. As an employed person paying into a pension you hopefully won't be asking your children for handouts in your old age.

Demanding innocent children suffer poverty for the sins of their parents is sour grapes and also on a long term whole society level, to mix metaphors, cutting off your nose to spite your face. It's petty and vindictive to insist that children go hungry because you can't afford a decent haircut.

my extremely wealthy ex receives it for the other

How does he manage that? If he earns over 60k he’s not eligible for it.

Unless she means wealth as in assets not income.

@Elbeagle He takes it to stop me getting it. I then assume he pays it back.

@notnowmaybelater First of all what I said was I go without luxuries like haircuts so I can put food of the table.

Secondly, ex is allowed to (according to HMRC, believe me I've complained) to recreive CB for one of our sons despite earning way in excess of £100k pa, providing he pays it back. Good way of preventing me (on income of around £13k pa) from receiving it.

Other ways he gets round things...

Courts went 50:50 so no maintenance due.

Lie about income as self employed so no spousal maintenance.

Tell Council Tax people unemployed gf still living with parents although she lives with him ft...

Sadly he can get away with all of these.

YABU, not everyone is on benefits. I do agree with the benefit cap though. If you can afford kids, great. If you can't without relying on handouts then don't. It's really quite simple. Most of us who have both of us working ft have to limit the number of DC we have based on what we can afford and the same should be applied to people on benefits.

Benefits, unfortunately, have become a way of life for some people.

For example the couple from Liverpool in their mid 20s, with 7 children. They used to receive £2100 a month or similar. Why not get a job to support your children?