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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to visit PILs on Christmas Day?

191 replies

ProfShillyShally · 09/12/2019 11:09

DH and I (no DC yet)will be with my parents for Christmas Day morning and lunch.

DH wants us to leave my parents at about 5 or 6pm and go to his parents for the evening, and stay there overnight.

My mum has gently hinted that she thinks it is a little rude to leave your hosts after they have provided Christmas Day lunch, and I think I agree.

I would be more than happy to visit PIL on Boxing Day and stay there overnight then. The houses are about 30 mins away from each other.

So, AIBU to say I don’t want to visit PIL on Christmas Day?

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 09/12/2019 16:25

You need to compromise with your partner about Christmas Day. You should definitely take it in turns to have Xmas day at your parents one year dhs the next. And if they celebrate a different way so what? I love the idea of just the one secret Santa gift.

itsgettingweird · 09/12/2019 16:29

I'd go to PIL in morning for brunch if dinner isn't until 3 then go to parents at 2 and stay until later.

I think staying at parents all morning and then leaving at 6 is a lot for you both (I'd be ready to start winding down by then!) but don't see why you shouldn't do both.

RaininSummer · 09/12/2019 18:04

I dont think travelling just 30 minutes to another house counts as 'racing around'.

Countryescape · 09/12/2019 18:07

Yes I think it’s rude to rush off too. Why don’t you suggest year about?

CodenameVillanelle · 09/12/2019 18:10

If your DH is happy for you to spend every Christmas dinner with your DPs then consider yourself on a winner if you only have to go there for the evening!

FrancisCrawford · 09/12/2019 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gazelda · 09/12/2019 18:56

How does your DP feel about spending every Christmas Day with your family and not even 'popping on' to his?

cptartapp · 09/12/2019 20:42

But they're not 'rushing off'. Having lunch, then talk of leaving at five or six. That's hours later, even after clearing up etc. How can her DM think it's fair to commandeer her DD for several hours and leave the PIL with nothing. Says a lot about her.

NoSauce · 09/12/2019 20:44

Your DH is an idiot for going along with your mothers demanding ways every year. Can just imagine what your in-laws think of your mum!

Geschwister4 · 09/12/2019 21:05

I wouldn’t really like to do alternate Christmases; Christmas is a big thing for our family and we really push the boat out and have a great time, but his parents don’t really ‘do’ cooking, plus every adult only get one present as they do Secret Santa. So there’s not really that sense of occasion, which is a bit sad.

And here we have it. You don't want to spend time with them at all. YABVVVU!

MsRomanoff · 09/12/2019 21:13

Can just imagine what your in-laws think of your mum!

It certainly answers why mil doesnt text OP alot. Its clear what she thinks if them

TabbyMumz · 09/12/2019 21:27

"My mum has gently hinted that she thinks it is a little rude to leave your hosts after they have provided Christmas Day lunch, and I think I agree"
What, are you supposed to stay there forever!? What a silly thought. Even if you have lunch late afternoon there's still a few hours between then and 5 or 6 when you would be leaving. Lots and lots of people fit in a few visits on Christnas day.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 09/12/2019 21:44

Why does your mum serve so late? If she served at 1 or even 2 then that gives more time when she's relaxed after to spend with you. Really does sound like only popping to the in laws though, not splitting the day with them!
And just because they do Christmas differently to you doesn't mean it's worth any less, particularly to your dh.
You can always spend boxing day evening at your parents Hmm

Blondebakingmumma · 09/12/2019 21:52

So OP ideally you want to spend every Christmas with your own family? What about what your DP wants? Do you not think he will want to see his family too? You need to be fair. Either alternate every year or see both families each year. They are only 30 mins apart

Blitzen2 · 10/12/2019 00:55

We used to half the day OP. Saved Boxing Day just for us.

It would always be lunchtime till about 3 at in-laws then evening at my family’s. Evening was always at my DP’s because I have a bigger family who celebrate and can’t meet up before 3/4 due to other family members. PIL used to be in bed by 8.

Now PIL are 6 hrs away so we dont spend Xmas day with them anymore.

Wingedharpy · 10/12/2019 03:14

If your PIL" don't do cooking" OP, what do they eat?

Jokie · 10/12/2019 03:23

@wingedharpy: my in-laws regularly have Chinese for Christmas dinner Confused. I've visited friends for Christmas and there's been everything from a BBQ to shepherds pie. A real Christmas dinner seems to be getting rarer I've found

Stoople · 10/12/2019 03:40

As it's only half an hour away I would go. I'm not sure how you possibly think it's fair on your DH to never see his parents on Christmas day if you arent willing to do this, or to alternate- how selfish! Confused

WatchingTheMoon · 10/12/2019 03:46

You're kind of suggesting that your family Christmas is "better" or more special than his family's, which is just not true. Different families have different styles. The point is to be together, not to be the most Christmassy.

Your mum sounds like she wants to be the centre of everything. Not on once you're married really.

lyralalala · 10/12/2019 03:47

I think it’s rude to plan to leave at 5 when you know the lunch you’ve accepted the invitation to is at 3

It’s not rude to leave in the evening, but bolting the moment dinner is done would be rude imo

MiniGuinness · 10/12/2019 03:51

Your mum is the rude one really. Although without children why not just spend Xmas with your respective parents?

SarahNade · 10/12/2019 04:14

Why on earth is your mum having Christmas 'lunch' at 3pm?? That's a bit strange, that's like an early dinner. Maybe ask her to have it at 12, no later than 1pm? That way you can spend more time with her, and the PIL.

MiniGuinness · 10/12/2019 05:04

3 pm is not at all strange SarahNade Who eats Christmas lunch at 12? Aren’t most people still in their pajamas drinking champagne at 12?

MsRomanoff · 10/12/2019 05:15

I would guess the mim is doing it at 3pm because she thought that would mean they would stay there all day, since she thinks its rude to leave soon after the meal.

WatchingTheMoon · 10/12/2019 05:26

Who on earth eats Christmas dinner at 12??? 3 or 4 is the norm.

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