Naked in a family changing room

[apple0pie]

Before I complain can i just check Im in the right?

We joined a gym that has a 3 changing rooms. Male/ female / family. I have older boys and little girl so we use the family room that had lovely big cubicles for changing.

We went for a swim this afternoon and a women was dressing after her shower next to the the lockers with her toddler. My 12 yr son and husband were both with Me and felt uncomfortable. I think I was so shocked I didn't say anything and now wish I had as she could of used the massive female changing room that is for women and children under 7.

Should I of said something or is this normal ?

How do the showers work in this unisex changing room? Presumably people get undressed to shower.

(Another vote in favour of the British being ridiculously uptight about nudity. Probably it's inappropriate in Sainsbury's - not in changing rooms!)

Why on earth can't a 12 year old change in a family changing room?
They're for families and full of cubicles.
They're not exclusively for toddlers and females!

Well the showers for my local pool's family changing village are poolside. Funnily enough nobody strips naked at the side of the swimming pool, they shower with swim stuff on.

But hey, it's only a bit of nudity so I'm going to start stripping naked now. I mean people don't have to look if they don't like it!

How do the showers work in this unisex changing room? Presumably people get undressed to shower
Don't know where you are, but in the UK the family and unisex changing villages have people all using the showers together.
Never seen anyone get undressed in them though, just not the done thing!
You get showered still in your swimming cossie or trunks. Then go to get undressed in the cubicles

BUT it is also a changing room with cubicles and this naked woman was standing by the lockers. So she wasn't in a changing room.

Now, to me @JinglingHellsBells, "changing room" refers to the whole area: the cubicles, the walkways between them, the area where the lockers are, the bit where the mirrors and hairdriers are etc. The cubicles are just that: cubicles, that some people prefer to use to change in.

There are not limitless cubicles. In every gym I have been in there are only a couple of cubicles in the changing/showering area. There are more cubicles in the areas when I have been to just a swimming pool. Presumably this may have something to do with people needing to get out of clothes into swimming gear whereas more people will arrive in gym clothes so not need to change. Also in just pools there is often a time limit on the swimming sessions so everyone is getting out at the same time. Again with a gym they are all finishing at different times. This lady was by the lockers not prancing around in the middle of the room at least 1 probably 2 of the cubicles were taken up by OP and her family.

The whole 'men hating' thing has really gone a bit far, to the extent where people are complaining about a 12 year old boy who is a child? Like, seriously? Have you heard yourselves?

It's a family changing space. With cubicles. For a family to change. So, you know, if you go swimming as a family you can get changed in close proximity and enter and leave together... as a family. No one is going to see OPs husband's bits, because I presume he used a lockable cubicle, just as he is fully entitled to do so.

I'd also like to remind everyone who dared criticise OP and her family for this, that while it may not be the case here, some children do have SN. Some may have invisible disabilities. Sometimes, it's necessary for two parents to be there for safety reasons. So, no, maybe OPs husband couldn't have gone and changed 500 miles away incase one female was affronted that a man with a penis was in the vicinity of her getting changed. What a load of shite.

Just because you are a woman, doesn't give you the right to just strip off in the middle of a fucking changing area outside of the cubicles provided. I literally don't care for the reasons. I do not want to see someone's tits hanging out when I take my child swimming with my partner. If there's no spaces, wait. But please, keep your body parts to yourself. I don't want to see anyone naked. Male or female.

Seriously missing the point here. A woman was changing in a changing room. Ok, not in a cubicle, but still in a changing room, not next to a pool or in a cafe. What's the crime? So the husband and the 12 old caught a glimpse of a pair of boobs and/or fanny. Are they both in therapy now? And yep, I'd say the same if the man was changing and my daughter would see him whilst passing by. Provided he's just changing, not deliberately parading and helicoptering or spreading and blow-drying his pubes.

I'm not British though, maybe that's why I fail to understand this issue with a normal nudity.

What to do? Well, if it's such an issue then report her, I guess?

lots of posters not being very sensitive to the fact that maybe the OPs husband and son don't feel comfortable changing in the mens' changing room because it is open plan. Neither my DH or two of my three sons would feel comfortable with that ( i blame MIL but that's another story) and at 12 would have chosen a cubicle, what with puberty etc. Boys are allowed to be a bit shy and sensitive too, they're don't all like strutting around in the skud flicking each other with towels!
The woman shouldn't have been naked in a mixed area though.

I've only seen people showering with their bathing costumes on or else, if they live near the pool, going home and having a more thorough do there.

On the beach one catches glimpses of bits of people but most try to be discreet about it and don't parade themselves naked. There's nothing wrong with nudity within a family up to a certain age but consideration for others is important.

If OP is meeting her DH, he could easily use male changing for him and DS12, OP and small DD in ladies or family.
I think OP is being entitled, family usually is pre school age kids who you’d have in a cubicle with you, not dads with near teen son 🙄

@wigglybeezer

Men aren't allowed to have opinions or preferences, though. Women can strip off anywhere in the changing 'area' but if a man did that he'd be kicked out for indecent exposure, especially in a family area where there's kids running around. Well, on Mumsnet anyway.

No child needs to see a stranger naked. It's gross. It's the fact that if this family area was designed for people to change in cubicles or outside of them, they'd clearly have little benches, hooks etc dotted around for people's belongings. Evidently, didn't have any of that in this place. So it's not for any Tom, Dick and Harry to get their kit off.

I honestly can't think of anything more repulsive than going into a changing area and seeing some random man or woman naked. I went there to swim, not see your bits. Vomit.

I wouldn't return to a swimming pool where people just changed anywhere, to be honest. I don't care who changes in the cubicles beside me, but I want a cubicle. You can't see me, I can't see you. Perfect.

“ But please, keep your body parts to yourself. I don't want to see anyone naked. Male or female.”

But why are your wants so important? Maybe the person was in a rush and doesn’t share your hang ups? Maybe she would think your hang ups ridiculous. So why should she pander to you?

I think it is normal for someone to be naked with a toddler in a family changing room.

I have run half naked through a family changing area after a toddler . You cant use cubicles as the little Houdini toddlers go under the stalls when you try and change. You can try to change under a towel but it is so difficult with a hyper toddler and easier to just quickly get naked and dry yourself and get dressed without faffing.

I don't understand why a mum and toddler should have to go in the women's room to make your 12 year old and husband comfortable in a family room?

lots of posters not being very sensitive to the fact that maybe the OPs husband and son don't feel comfortable changing in the mens' changing room because it is open plan.
That's their issue I'm afraid.
If someone does want to use the men's then gets awkward at unisex changing in a unisex area then they need to get over it or find somewhere with changing arrangements that suite their comfort level.

It's unreasonable to want access to a unisex changing area only to complain when unisex changing occurs.

@StreetwiseHercules

Well, let's be real. We could use your argument against everything every female on Mumsnet is arguing about. Mixed changing rooms as a perfect example.

Why are your wants so important? Maybe the trans person was in a rush to try on their jeans and doesn't share your hangups? Maybe the trans person thinks your hang ups are ridiculous? Why should they pander to you?

You can't give it out saying women's spaces in changing rooms only because you don't want some creepy, 'pervert' changing near you, yet tell me that because I don't want to see someone's bits on full display in the middle of the room that I'm not allowed to feel that way. Respect works both ways.

It's really not difficult to just change inside a cubicle. I'd rather not be repulsed when supposedly doing something for fun.

I'd also like to remind everyone who dared criticise OP and her family for this

Errr don't you think this comes over as rather heavy handed?

'Remind everyone who dared to criticise'?

This is an opinion section of this site.

Posters are allowed to post their opinions without having to agree with or be reprimanded by you, for their 'audacity'!

FGS,

Are there signs saying you have to use a cubicle because even in the family change room at one swimming pool I used to use people are free to change wherever

Also why doesn’t your 12 year old and Dh use the male changing room? He sounds at the age where that’s what would happen

I am gobsmacked by some of these replies! First off how do we know there are seperate, single sex changing rooms? There are not in my town. There is only mixed sex with cubicles, so EVERYBODY has to use them. I have never in ten years seen anybody of either sex standing by the lockers naked but I wouldn't be best impressed if I did. Not because I think its traumatising to children, just because I would think it very attention seeking and odd in a unisex area.
Anyway, my point is there is not always the choice of going in the mens/womens.

Just to clarify-I know the OP said she has access to 3 changing rooms, but people in general often don't, so this so called rule about no kids over whatever age in family changing rooms is absolutely not universal!

@JinglingHellsBells

I don't really care if it came across heavy handed. The amount of sheer sexist shite people talked on Mumsnet at the minute is embarrassing. I guarantee if it was a man getting changed in the middle of the room, regardless if he had a child with him, most of you would be affronted. But because it's a woman, it's fine. As usual.

A family changing room with cubicles means families can get changed together in a cublcle. No one, male or female, should be naked outside the cubicle. If no cubicle is available you wait until one becomes available. It is fine for 12 year olds to be changing with their families in a family cubicle. It is not fine for 12 year olds to be using wrong sex facilities where there are no cubicles. This isn't bloody rocket science.

That wasn’t the case for place I used to go to - re cubicle only

@IFNot that's my experience of unisex family changing rooms as well!
Last time I went swimming it was a family changing village only.
Men, women, children etc, everyone mixed together.
Layout of lockers, showers etc and lots of cubicles for everyone
Really wouldn't have been normal for someone to just shed clothes standing next to the lockers, would probably have got a few funny looks lol!
If the cubicles were all full, people usually wait until one becomes free.
Someone said MN is a parallel world upthread, I tend to agree!