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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s not polite to keep on and on offering food and drink after someone’s said no thanks

285 replies

micepies · 08/12/2019 14:07

At the moment, I am honestly feeling like it’s a battle when I visit certain people. I spend so much time fending off offers of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cake, sandwiches and biscuits.

It’s turning me anti social as I don’t want to visit.

AIBU and a grumpy sod or should people respect no thank you?

OP posts:

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 08/12/2019 18:12

Omg @ffswhatnext have you been a fly on the wall?!?! Exactly that.

Episcomama · 08/12/2019 18:19

And health reasons have no consideration. They should just lighten up and accept it?

OP doesn't have health issues. She's just a marry pain in the arse.

Episcomama · 08/12/2019 18:19

Marry? Marry.

Episcomama · 08/12/2019 18:19

Mardy, FFS.

ffswhatnext · 08/12/2019 18:24

Mardy for being forced to eat/drink something you don't want to?

@PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya Maybe we know the same pains in the arses.

OhTheRoses · 08/12/2019 18:25

My mother does it: Have a biscuit, oh piece of cake, cheese and biscuits, chocolate, and on and on and on. It's all about her controlling others. I am a recovered anorexic. "No thank you, I had lunch an hour ago, I don't want a biscuit". It's all about what they want and being controlling.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 08/12/2019 18:27

I wouldn't keep neighbours on the door step either, which seems to be common in the Scottish Borders

I expect they assume you'll have had your tea.

ffswhatnext · 08/12/2019 18:28

@Aridane each of the comments also includes a question before or after the comments. You sure you don't want a cuppa? You will like it if you try it. It's no bother, I can make you one if you want. Are you sure? Come on it's lovely. Can't I tempt you a little bit? And on and on it goes. Although sometimes they do change it up and make a couple of comments first then ask again. And if you are really unlucky this will be quickly followed by another question.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 08/12/2019 18:34

My mother does this. It will start out as a general "Do you want something to eat?" and then she'll question everything available, separately. I have pointed out that if I was hungry I'd say yes to the first question, and continuing to offer me the individual contents of her cupboards after I've said no just winds me up and makes me feel like she's not listening to me. It doesn't stop her though.

needsomehelptoday · 08/12/2019 18:38

I'm Scottish and my husband is Iranian - you'd hate it here

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 08/12/2019 18:41

My mother in law does this. I think it’s rude. Once she would not stop asking me if I wanted a drink, I said “actually I would love a coffee”

Next times "Oh, a small glass of Bolly would be lovely! Thanks!"

Mawi · 08/12/2019 18:44

I am Irish and live in rural Ireland and am sick of this bloody attitude. If I say yes I want it, if I say no I don't, it's as simple as that. My aunts are forever trying to force me to eat things which either I don't want or am actually allergic to but sure a wee bit won't hurt.

I find it so rude that my opinion is not listened to as I am still a child (41) in their eyes and need to be fed constantly (size 16). Unlike a lot of my relatives, I don't give a fuck what people think, if they say no to me then I assume they mean no. We are all adults, stop playing stupid games. It is not polite to harass your guests.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/12/2019 18:49

My ex mil was from southern Ireland and was like that.It was a serious case of gwan gwan gwan.I loved her for it though.I miss her but not my ex h.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/12/2019 18:53

My Mum was like this this. I found it endearing actually and it was borne from growing up in poverty I think. She would offer everything from a 3 course meal down to an apple, even if you were popping in for a quick chat and a cuppa. My paternal family are Irish...it's par for the course. I don't understand why anybody would be upset by it really. My schoolfriends still laugh about my Mum and her trying to feed you to death...were in our 50's now!

ItsChristmaaaaaaaaas · 08/12/2019 18:55

@ needsomehelptoday - I’m feeling you!

Butterisbest · 08/12/2019 19:04

There's a thread on how some people on MN totally ignore others experiences. This could be very true of this thread

Butterisbest · 08/12/2019 19:07

Episcomama
Do you have comprehension skills, can you read. Do you understand that not everyone feels the same as you?

wanderings · 08/12/2019 19:18

@redexpat Thanks. It's a recurring staple of British comedy, which I don't find funny: people being offered stuff they don't want, and being too polite to refuse, such as Hyacinth Bucket's pushover neighbour Elizabeth, who dares not refuse Hyacinth's frequent invitations to coffee. Also the vicar of Dibley being offered four Christmas lunches by different people, and she ends up eating them all.

And in another TV show, there is a painful scene between two trainee cabbies: Ted, a Jewish man who has just passed his test of the Knowledge of London, and Gordon, his ruffianly colleague:
Gordon: Congratulations on getting your green badge! Sod the tea, they're open.
Ted: Who are?
Gordon: What do you mean, "who are?" What's Jewish for champagne?
Ted: I don't drink.
Gordon: Of course you do, come on.
Ted: I don't drink! Look: gambling, yes; women, certainly. Drink: this much (finger width) at Christmas, tops.
Gordon: Come on, it's Christmas, cabby.

And soon after that scene, Ted is pulled over by the police on his moped for drink driving, and loses the cabby's licence he has only just acquired.

Babybel90 · 08/12/2019 19:18

So to those saying why not just take whatever they’re offering and not eat/drink it, these people won’t accept that. I’ve had people say to me why didn’t you drink your tea/eat your biscuit? When I’ve tried this and they’ve actually expected me to then drink the cold cup of tea. They will not accept that you don’t want it and you feel backed into a corner where you have to choose between hurting their feelings or eating/drinking things you don’t want.

beanaseireann · 08/12/2019 19:22

whyamidoingthis
Love your post at 17.41
So true.
Like Mrs Doyle

echt · 08/12/2019 19:24

This thread, more or less, came up this time last year.

StoneColdSaidSo · 08/12/2019 20:10

Listen, I’m Indian. You have nothing to complain about until you’ve lived through drinking your fourth cup of masala tea and having a samosa forcibly shoved in your mouth, whilst also being told you’ve put on weight. Love my nan but she does not take no for an answer

Ifonly86 · 08/12/2019 20:18

It annoys me too, the only time I eat at someone else’s house is at the family Christmas buffet so I don’t come across as anti social not because I want to.
I don’t eat much so being made to feel like I have to accept offers makes me uncomfortable and I find it rude to pressure someone after the first no.
I’m also a full time cleaner and I always get kind offers of tea/coffee but never accept, if I don’t know someone and their hygiene is slightly lacking it puts me off (sorry if it comes across rude)
I was brought up in a family where my parents didn’t even drink water at their own parents house so guess it rubbed off.

ItsChristmaaaaaaaaas · 08/12/2019 20:18

My mum was from the NE and lived in terror if someone leaving her front door not stuffed to the gills with a care package of cake - and sometimes a leg of lamb from the freezer!

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 08/12/2019 20:23

trying to force me to eat things which either I don't want or am actually allergic to but sure a wee bit won't hurt.

Like Nana on the Royle family, urging the vegetarian eat ham "it's wafer thin".

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