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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people use 'partner' to describe their 'OH'?

290 replies

ScreamingLadySutch · 08/12/2019 13:54

IF HE IS YOUR DH, SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE!

People will twee-ly say 'partner' in describing a problem, then trickle truth much further down, that they are actually married.

or say 'other half' then trickle truth pages later, that they are unmarried.

It completely changes the situation advise wise, FFS!

AIBU

OP posts:
MrsAlexKarev · 09/12/2019 17:47

I wish this was all I had to worry about Hmm

Mary54 · 09/12/2019 17:54

It may be a generation thing. I am heading for 60. I always assume partner means unmarried cohabitee because that’s what it meant when people began using it in the 1980s. When it was much less common than it is now for couples to live together without being married.

SabinaK · 09/12/2019 17:57

Dont think it's got anything to do with anybody other than the two in a relationship with each other. Marriage doesn't make the relationship any more serious imho

midnightmisssuki · 09/12/2019 17:57

I would take anything over hubby. That god damn word makes my ears burn.

Blacksheepcat · 09/12/2019 17:59

My partner and I have been together for 25 years and have an adult child together. We’re not married..I would never refer to him as my boyfriend...he’s definitely no boy, we’re in our 50’s and is so much more than merely a boyfriend! Partner is the only reasonable term to use, he’s my ‘life-partner’.

Also, cannot stand ‘other half’ as I’m not half a person?

Lincolnfield · 09/12/2019 18:03

Oh goodness! Showing my age here. I say ‘my husband’, ‘my old man’ and even ‘my boy’. But then we’ve been married for nearly 48 years. He is my life partner, my soulmate and my best friend- so take your pick.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/12/2019 18:03

Bad day love?

PetiteMuffin · 09/12/2019 18:13

Personally I don’t like “partner” if you’re married. To me it should be...

DH if you’re married
Partner if you’re living together
Boyfriend if you’re not living together.

Lincolnfield · 09/12/2019 18:15

@notnowmaybelater - ‘ I think partner implies something very long term and established and find it eye rollingly daft when people refer to someone they don't live with, or even sillier their 15 year old child's boy or girlfriend, as their partner.’.

My partner is a person I set up a small business with. I don’t live with her. I’ve never lived with her. We are good friends and established our little business when we both retired from full time nursing careers. Sorry if we’re ‘eye rollingly daft’. I’ll point that out to our solicitor who drew up our ‘partnership’ contract.

ktp100 · 09/12/2019 18:16

I refuse to use the word fiance. It's annoying.

Nothing wrong with partner or other half, whether married or not.

browneyes77 · 09/12/2019 18:16

As others have said, Other Half doesn’t necessarily mean Husband.

I refer to my “fella” as my Partner or my Other Half. Because we’re not married. If we were I’d refer to him as my husband.

They’re the only two words I can use other than boyfriend. And I wouldn’t use that because were in our 40’s and boyfriend sounds a bit naff and teenagery for a 43 year old man to me Grin

PinkParentsSouthend · 09/12/2019 18:16

I agree with Sarah And Quack, I refer to my wife as my partner sometimes, depending on the conversation and with who, so as people don't assume I'm a man, as they will usually assume first, apologise later.

nuxe1984 · 09/12/2019 18:19

It only changes things in the legal sense …. it doesn't change the nature of the relationship.

notnowmaybelater · 09/12/2019 18:28

Lincolnfield that's a business partner - an entirely different use of the word partner and no more relevant to the subject of this thread than a dance partner or a sparring partner!

MB246 · 09/12/2019 18:31

If you use words of your own choosing then you own the relationship you are talking about. If you use a different word, for example to comply, then you are letting the relationship be attributed to the origins of that word.

Simply do you hold the relationship as being the property of the people in it, or is it incomplete or not fully valid without the Rubber Stamp of eg the church.

More simply, whose relationship is it?

'Partner' means someone who shares responsibility, goals and work with you

'Husband' is part a religious entitlement and also means to Look After, describes you as having a passive role.

MB246 · 09/12/2019 18:32

Yep, partner without any specific attachments means partner in all respects

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 09/12/2019 18:34

I use partner for my partner because he is my partner. We aren't married and after 29 years together I'm not going to call him my boyfriend.

Even if we were married I sure as hell wouldn't use the appallingly twee 'DH'. I use 'bidey in' a lot of the time in real life, but many posters here wouldn't be familiar with the term, so partner it is.

In most cases the fact that we aren't married would not make the blindest bit of difference to any advice offered so I don't get the fuss if others choose to call their husbands 'partner' too. It makes no odds to me.

BunsyGirl · 09/12/2019 18:41

I never use partner. It feels completely wrong. I am a lawyer and the partners refer to the other partners as “their partner”. I can’t get past that!

MajesticWhine · 09/12/2019 18:50

I am guilty, in the OP's eyes, of saying partner instead of husband sometimes. (We are married). I don't see it as materially misleading. He is my partner as well as my husband. I sometimes use partner as "husband" or "DH" makes me feel rather ancient and old fashioned (which I probably am)

lowlandLucky · 09/12/2019 18:51

I think it is even worse when Someone uses the term Partner for some they have been dating for a matter of weeks

hammeringinmyhead · 09/12/2019 19:23

But I don't think the OP is complaining about the word "partner", just that any advice given is likely to assume that for example a cheating partner's stuff can be chucked on the lawn, while a cheating husband - not so much, legally.

Prevegen4U · 09/12/2019 19:23

I use partner because I only got married for legal reasons. I don't think of myself as anybody's wife Yet you are and it's not a bad thing otherwise you would have stayed single.

Prevegen4U · 09/12/2019 19:27

I think it is even worse when Someone uses the term Partner for some they have been dating for a matter of weeks This makes me laugh as well. They are on their third date and call him their partner. Maybe it also means sex partner to some people. I always think of business partner when I hear the term.

Maybe people should go back to saying boyfriend, love interest, man friend or current lover for someone their dating.

CauliflowerBalti · 09/12/2019 19:39

'DH' is impossibly twee. 'Other half' is just as bad. I'm perfectly whole, thank you.

So I use 'partner' mostly, or occasionally 'husband' if I feel the need to underline his gender, so hardly ever.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/12/2019 19:42

Well any advice given to me when leaving my husband would have been the same as when I left my long term partner

Being married doesn't mean you necessarily have more money/a mortgage to negotiate

You could be in a ltr with joint finances/savings/mortgage etc

Advice has to be on an individual basis and the main issue isn't always your marital status imo

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