To be annoyed at husband regarding cleaning

[User40465]

My husband works away 4-6 weeks at a time and around a week before he comes home he sends me lists of everything in the house he wants cleaned. He basically wants the house to look like a show house.

Just to point out i am clean but just not as squeaky OCD clean as he is. I work and have 2 children under 5 so think it’s abit unfair for him to expect it when he could help me when he comes home?

Aibu?

Get out of this.

While you get everything in order look into a personal concierge service.

I like in a city where people work away a LOT (Aberdeen, offshore world) and personal concierge services exist. They will arrange cleaners, laundry, picking up packages and dry cleaning,. Basically you forward his list to them, they source the services to do it,do it, and then charge him for that.

Thinking about you OP, hope you're feeling strong and coping with everything ok.

If you can, try to let us know how you are. Don't forget, we're here if you need support or a sounding board so you don't get sucked back in. XX

Hoping your Xmas and New Year hasn't been traumatic, and that he'll be away to work soon. x

Sorry for taking so long to respond, he went away back to work yesterday and a weight has been lifted.

While at home in the first week or 2 he did apologise and seemed genuinely sorry for things he has said and his controlling behaviour. Unfortunately towards the end of his time at home it started again.

If I had a spare 15 minutes and was having a sit down he would tell me A, B & C needed doing.

Our communication is also not very good which I have tried to speak to him about but he sees this as my problem and not his. I feel we can both say things with maybe not enough detail and we think the other person is speaking about something else and end up getting confused. He has told me I’m doing this on purpose to wind him up and that he will be “tracking” all of our conversations from now on

He has told me I’m doing this on purpose to wind him up and that he will be “tracking” all of our conversations from now on

He has big, big, problems OP - & it's not you.

The pattern of apologising, then slipping back (see Lundy Bancroft) is already in place. Now he is escalating - note how he puts any communication difficulty down to you, note his bizarre & threatening speech patterns in his weird "tracking" comment ...

Next time he tells you A B or C needs doing, try him with "Oh well done for noticing, when are you going to tackle it?" & see what his response is.

OP I have already commented a lot on this thread last year so don't want to harangue you with more suggestions now. I hope you are focused on what YOU want & what longterm outcome will be best for YOU, & slowly putting in place what you need around that.

Please make the most of him being away to start the process of separating from him, he makes your life miserable!!

"Tracking" your conversations sounds sinister! How is he going to do that?

WTF????? He's treating you like some sort of live-in housekeeper!! What a dick. Tell him to shove his feather duster up his arse!

OP you poor thing. This isn't a healthy relationship. @messolini9 has made some excellent posts on here and summed things up very well so I don't need to elaborate. Don't hesitate to get the help you need, and we MNetters are here as a sounding board whenever you need to vent. Good luck OP

Hi OP.I hope you are doing Ok and have time to think and relax a bit now he has gone back to work. People here have given you some very good advice and over time I hope you will be able to find your self again and leave this awful controlling man. Nothing about his behaviour is in any way normal.
You sound like a lovely person and a great mum and I wish you all the best, you deserve much better.
Sending you 💐💐💐💐 and a hug.

Erm, I'd be telling him to get to the last fuckity of fucks. He wants it done,he pays a cleaning service.
I did laugh at the "hovering ". Tell him you "hovered" by standing above and looking at it.
On a serious note, I had an ex like this. It's one of the reasons he is my ex!

Ugh he’s sinister - I hope you lock him out for good

And your last post is bringing up huge red flags. "Tracking " conversations and twisting stuff and making it YOUR fault is classic bullying behaviour. Again this was my ex.
Please get out of this as fast as you can. I also thought I had protected my young children from this ( I hadn't, they remember).
I hadn't even realised how abnormal this was until I had left. Expected me to Hoover by 10am, but I was " allowed " to miss it if I was Ill .
Happily married now to a messy husband.

I think you should move this to relationships.

But I definitely think you should talk to someone in RL. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? On your own that is. Just so you can really start to talk about it all.
Abuse thrives on silence/being hidden/fear and shame

Honestly he's horrible. Good grief woman! You have born his children. 'No' is a complete sentence.

Wow. Just wow OP.

He’s a controlling, grade A Arsehole.

I can’t believe he makes you send pictures, gives you the silent treatment and even had the audacity to send ‘the list’

He doesn’t love you at all and he needs to either dramatically change his behaviour / arrange and pay for a cleaner or...

He loses his wife and children becuase he is a essentially a narcissist with an OCD condition.

None of which are your fault. Nor your remit to fix!

You deserve much better and above all you deserve to be happy. And this ‘man’ is trying his utmost to make you unhappy and control you x

I hope you find a way forward and are happier in the future

This exact scenario is on Corrie tonight with the abuser using cleaning to torture his wife.

Well if he "tracks" your conversations he will realise he is a tw@t @User40465