Women’s Aid, but I just feel like I would be wasting their time as my problems aren’t as big as some other women.
But, as no doubt WA would tell you if you ever DO wish to contact them, that's like saying you mustn't go to hospital with a broken wrist, because other women have a life-threatening condition.
Coercive control doesn't need to be ranked, just unpicked until the sufferer has some peace & autonomy once more.
Or at least I don’t feel like they are.
A very, very common response for those still trapped in the FOG of the abuse cycle. I hope that for you, OP, this doesn't feel as if I am looking to contradict or correct you. But once clear of the FOG, & in happier hindsight mode, the pattern & signposts of that abuse are so clear & obvious ...
www.bpdcentral.com/blog/?Fear-Obligation-and-Guilt-FOG-in-High-Conflict-Relationships-36
For example - I mean this to come over gently & kindly - before you married, did you feel an urge to clean that was so compelling that you found yourself almost apologising for it as it got in the way of other things you were meaning to do (forgive me, this is in reference to one of your update posts, where you mentioned something about not getting back here as you felt you couldnt stop the cleaning urge)?
That is certainly not to say that you should be on here rather than housekeeping or any other damn thing that you wish to do! - but I wonder, if you look back & think on this, if you will perceive a difference between how you handled your domestic chores pre-marriage, to how you feel you MUST complete them now?
I know how shocked I was when the revelation of the true dynamic of my own marriage finally came to me, & it took a fair bit of time to process it. Part of the hardship of doing so was shame (it took a while to appreciate that the victim does not own the shame, the perpetrator does), but also the memories surfacing of friends hinting that all was not well, or that I was putting up with a lot, & was I ok, & did I need a night away, etc ... that took a lot of hard self-assessment, & a lot of grieving for the person I had contorted my own thinking patterns for, in order to hold on a a thread of belief that he was still a loving husband.
You take your own time. I don't think MN is going anywhere, & there are some wise posters on your thread. I sincerely hope anything I have written to you comes over in the supportive spirit it is intended as, & that you may even find a spark of wisdom or insight from my past experience.
Have a peaceful evening OP :)