OP I had to reply. I am currently divorcing a man like this. He wouldn't go as far as sending lists but fully expected the house to be immaculate when he came home. I came to know exactly what was expected of me and it just became easier to get the house done instead of facing his anger if things weren't perfect for his return.
He was away for weeks at a time, while I was home alone with three young (and naturally messy) kids. I would get unbelievably stressed when I knew he was coming back and tie myself in knots trying to get everything done. When he did come in I'd see him checking everything out and if something was out of place he'd criticise. He'd offer to get a cleaner but this was more in a veiled criticism that I wasn't doing my 'job' properly - he never actually arranged for one.
He also used to obsess over the whereabouts of various objects that he deemed important. Once a key went missing and he tore the house apart searching for it - despite having a spare key on his own keyring. Obviously this was my fault for not being organised.
One time we were arguing about this and I pointed out I always worked my arse off trying to make everything perfect - I said I'd been on my knees cleaning the skirting boards that morning. His reply? Well you should be doing that at least weekly anyway.
I organised EVERYTHING; Christmas, birthdays, parties, holidays, all household bills, shopping... you name it. He worked away, lived in an officers' mess where he had his meals made, his laundry done etc. He had NO idea how much it took to run a household and raise three kids alone. He thought that as he was the breadwinner this was all he had to do. Needless to say he didn't lift a finger to help when he was home. Just made more work for me.
I cannot tell you the relief of not having him in my life any more. I still like keeping things neat (ish) and clean but am much more realistic about what's normal and what's completely and utterly abnormal. He was a hateful, controlling, obsessive, patronising and frankly unkind man and I do not miss a SINGLE thing about him. The DC and I are such a tight little team and life is 100% better and relaxed. I've not been this happy in many years!
I can't believe I let him control my life to such an extent. It doesn't have to be that way OP. Contact Women's Aid, they are marvellous.