It's not that hard to feed a baby

[ohfucksake]

Lol he can't actually make pastry

However he could if he wanted as he's very capable at any thing he wants to as he's methodical and patient. He's just fucking lazy at night. The old I don't hear the baby excuse or you do it so much quicker etc etc.

Yes he's made bottles. He is capable.

Is he like it generally? Does he pull his weight the rest of the time or is it a pattern that follows through to night feeds/changes etc?

The nanny/au pair comment sounds to me like he thinks he's above the menial tasks involved in being parent....Instead of doing it himself he'll get his 'staff' to do it.

He's having you on, of course he's capable but he knows you'll step in. Don't pander to him by buying ready made when you've got a machine that makes the bottle for you (he could still muck up the ready made by not doing the lid properly anyway). The way to deal with this is to let him sort out his own mistakes, he got the baby wet so he needs to do the changing and figure out how to get the baby back off to sleep!

I think he needs to practice a lot over the next few days. Every feed until he gets it perfect. Maybe your 6 yr old DD can be his coach

Typical male behaviour I'm afraid

Typical male selfish behaviour I'm afraid

Fixed that for you

Looks like he's either doing it so you don't ask him again or he's a complete idiot like you said

My dp was like this so here was my solution

I had nappy's and wipes and a change of clothing at the side of the bed for when baby woke up also a spare dummy and a dummy clip and a spare snug (comfort blanket) all incase baby was wet and it was all their so was no need to wake me

I had a fresh clean bottle next to the bed also with a READY MADE bottle to poor straight in so their was literally no excuse all he had to do was unscrew both lids. Poor the ready made bottle into the sterilised bottle and screw it back up then after the baby was fed and winded their was a clean nappy and wipes at the side of him and a change of clothing JUST INCASE!

Ino the ready made bottles aren't ideal to keep having to buy but I'd rather of spent a pound for a good nights sleep myself so it's fool proof for a man to take over !
Now both my kids sleep in but I'm due to have another soon so iv been having one lie in a week as that's the only break I ever get with my 2 and his other 4 kids under my feet
But to do this I make sure the house is clean the night before, clothes are all ironed and ready for the next day, bags and pack lunches are packed if needed, the towels are in the bathrooms with the toiletries out on show and then the cerial and the bowls are laid out on the breakfast bar

Pisses me off he can't manage any for himself but I'd rather do this an have a morning off then keep letting him get away with it ! X

Is he coming from the mindset of if I do a shit job she'll not ask me again? Pathetic whatever the reason was x

That was a shit response from him.

Sweetpeach, your post is exhausting, all that extra work for you to workaround and let your shitty DH/P off the hook.

@Loopytiles it is exhausting but by doing that I'm making sure he doesn't get off the hook I guess and I do actually get a break myself. Like just now he said did we all want to go the park. No you can take ALL the kids to the park
He did for 40 mins so 40mins better then none !! Xx

But you are still letting him off the hook. Facilitating him. Because for whatever reason he’s unwilling to improve as a parent and partner and you don’t want to address this directly.

Sweetpeach he doesn't seem to be capable of looking after his own 4 children and you are adding another one into the mix. Why?

He doesn't seem to be capable of looking after his own 4 children and you are adding another one into the mix. Why?

It’s a good question. Everyone’s quick to say what an arsehole this guy is - and I don’t for one second disagree, he sounds like an absolutely incompetent loser and waste of space. But choosing to have a baby with a waste of space makes the OP just as much of an arse imo - if you care about your potential future children you choose a better father for them than that. People can jump on me and say ‘how was she supposed to know before..’ but you don’t suddenly go from great partner and father to useless dad who can’t even be arsed to feed his child properly. This guy was a definitely an obvious waste of space from the get go. Men like that shouldn’t be having kids but for some reason plenty of women always seem keen to jump in bed and make babies with them... and then complain and call them names on MN.

@Pinkblueberry
Ok Bro

See I do agree with the “don’t hear baby at night thing”

I’m severely deaf, dh isn’t, yet I was still able to hear both babies at night when they cried and he often didn’t.

However, if it was hit then, I would give him a nudge and he would immediately get up, no whinging or whining.

As for the bottles though, every new parent who has never done a bottle before seems to pick it up ok. He’s just being useless

His turn** not hit then

Oh god, I knew saying "typical male behaviour" was going to get some feathers ruffled!
There are plenty of studies to show that this is a very gendered phenomenon. Women do the vast majority of domestic tasks and child-rearing while men sit back and pretend not to know how it's done, and that it can't possibly be learned. All of my friends have unfortunately experienced the same in some form or other, and statistically, it is typical male behaviour.
What I should have clarified is that I don't think, on any level, that OP should tolerate it. Her DP is going to have to sort himself out and do his bit! As you were.

@ineedaholidaynow @Pinkblueberry
I guess love comes into it somewhere? 🤔

He is useless when it comes to routine and helping in the everyday duty's but when it comes to it he is a good dad I can't fault him. He also pays out a lot more then I do as he is the main earner in the household
I have really bad ocd so I am always super organised and I can bite his head of at times for helping (he tried to pack my food shop the other day, I like to pack my bags in a certain order, he just got one look and moved back)
He is a twat at the same time also but that doesn't mean I'm giving my kids less or a bad future because their dad is lazy?. I just do a lot more then him but I'm organised he isn't, I have to eat at a set time etc he doesn't? It's the way I work but when I have my days to myself I like to know everything is in order so my kids are used to the same routine as when it's me doing it
my kids get everything and more and their well educated thanks.

Sweetpeach, you don't need to justify yourself to randoms on the internet who don't know anything about you or your relationship! People are so hyperbolic. I don't think that just because a man underperforms at various domestic duties it means he's an irredeemable waste of space who doesn't respect his spouse or women in general. It just means he's a man who has been subject to standard male socialisation and needs a bit of whipping into shape.
People on here are so quick to judge an entire relationship or person based on a few lines of text. Reality is more nuanced than that.

How can someone be a good dad if they can't even look after their own children? Do you really want to set the bar that low?

And yes you might do stuff because of love, but that should be a two way street. How is he showing love and care for you, with you running round like his servant whilst pregnant and looking after 4 children (some of which aren't even biologically yours).

I'm flabbergasted at how low your expectations are for men.

In a slight resolution I have the following update dear reader

He made every bottle and did every feed all day yesterday once I'd explained I'm not going to be picking up the slack for him when it comes to the baby

He also has explained the reusing the bottle in the night - when the baby went to bed on sat night DP took up the prep machine when I took the baby up. I said premature as may wake for a bottle before we go to bed. I then fell asleep on sofa promptly after. Apparently baby stirred and he took a bottle up with powder in but baby went back off with dummy and he didn't make the bottle but left the bottle with powder in, by the machine. So when he made the bottle at 6am he assumed that was the clean bottle wjth milk powder in (even though in between those times I had made 3 other feeds ) either way not acceptable and I've told him to step up. Fucking lazy arse

well, I would offer him dinner - half a sausage and mash so watery it runs off the plate.

When asked why, just tell him as he thought it was OK to give a baby no protein and water that is what he can eat.

and go out and leave him with the baby. The baby will be fine, even if grumpy for an hour or two.

Fucking lazy arse

I hope you used those words. Well done.

@Hugtheduggee when have I once said my expectations are low or made out they are ?? I like things done my way and as much as he doesn't help with things Even when he tries he doesn't do it the way I like.... i have OCD and have a very strict routine and way of doing things
I find it easier to do it myself and tell him jobs to do and he will do them if their is any. He tends to do the big jobs like the gardening an cleaning the garden and after the dogs etc.... I just do the general housework an keep ontop of the house and kids!
That's just the way I work an we seem to work but as for the kids. I do make it fool proof because ino it's easier for me to do it then it is for him to get on with it but that's my choice and I do it to get a break so I don't care. Aslong as I get my break and he sorts the kids
And it's 6 kids with one on the way....

Of course your expectations are low if you don't think he can manage the children. You actually say that it pisses you off thst he can't manage it. Yet you accept it and seem to do everything for him when it comes to the kids.

If he's capable of fathering 6 kids then he's certainly capable of making them breakfast, making a packed lunch etc.

When I have a lie in, my only instructions are to wake me up if there is a fire. I know you say it's easier for you to do it but you also say that he can't manage.