Page 3 | It's not that hard to feed a baby

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 09:52

Urgh. How the fuck do I make him realise

In all honesty you probably can’t - he doesn’t sound like he particularly wants to know how to be better. You need to decide if you want to live like that if that is the case.

Apparently there is a breed of person who doesn’t care how incompetent/lazy/selfish they look if it means they get out of any of the hard work

Lulualla · 08/12/2019 09:56

You cant make him realise. He doesn't want to do it. He isn't going to do it. He clearly doesn't give a fuck and no amount of yelling at him will change it.

You need to stop fixing his mistakes. Watch him if you have too, but dont step in and fix it. Make him do it again and again. It still won't change anything but at least he doesn't get an easy life. Or leave. Life is too short to put up with useless men.

LightDrizzle · 08/12/2019 09:58

Ah! So he needs a fucktonne of practice before you go back to work? His actions are potentially harmful, so it’s best he take over the feeding while you are around for now, until you are both confident he can do it safely. Ask him to call you to check the bottle the first few feeds, until it becomes second nature.

What an arsehole over the breastfeeding!

MuisingCruising · 08/12/2019 09:59

This morning I asked him to get up with the baby at 0600 as I'd been up loads in the night. He's made a bottle. No fresh milk powder. Not a clean bottle. Just more water in a bottle that had some left in from the night

There is no way he thought this was ok. No way. What a horrible man child. Id be going apeshit if that was my partner, im angry reading this.

Do you have any other support OP? Id tell your family and his family what hes like, infront of him, embarress him into doing it properly and right!

Straycatstrut · 08/12/2019 10:02

I wouldn't put up with this. You & baby deserve better.

When you're making his meals, doing his washing etc - do a half arsed job, claim you're "tired".

InfiniteCurve · 08/12/2019 10:04

I'd show him exactly what he needs to do,how and why.And if he has never fed the baby in the daytime do it then so he is properly with it,and leave him to do a run of feeds so he can practice.

He should be able to work it out but to be charitable and assume there is an element of can't not just won't,I would make sure he knows.And hard though it is to believe if he has only experienced breastfeeding as a Dad he may not fully realise the risks of dirty bottles and having-stood-around milk.
I breastfed,and faced as a gran with a small baby needing a bottle feed prepared in the middle of the night there would be a learning curve...
(I have some common sense so would make sure I had worked it out before I fed the baby though!)

If he's being deliberately incompetent then none of that will work of course.

Stegosaurus1990 · 08/12/2019 10:09

What an arsehole!!

My baby was EBF and my DH couldn’t do anything in the night for over 6 months. I have to be honest I really resent it now!!

Absolutely nothing difficult about prepping a bottle and inexcusable to leave a baby wet and cold covered in milk.

Probably why ExW is an ex...

TheMustressMhor · 08/12/2019 10:11

It does sound like he is making a stand against your decision not to breast feed.

If this is the case, he is actually putting your baby at risk. Bottles made up incorrectly, not being cleaned/sterilised properly and leaving the baby soaking wet and cold are complete no-nos.

What are you going to do about it? I would be furious. And worried, if I was going back to work soon and leaving the unfortunate baby with him.

Pipstelle · 08/12/2019 10:14

Call the health visitor and ask her to come explain how much risk he's putting the baby in. It's bloody neglect putting a cold wet tiny baby in a cot. He's a complete arsehole or has special needs.

SunshineCake · 08/12/2019 10:14

@msflibble NOT typical male behaviour but typical YOURS and the OPs males behaviour. Why are you still with him? Why are you accepting him ruining your clothes never mind accepting it is because he sees you as inferior ?

OP make this your line in the sand or do you fancy explaining to hospital staff why you are with a man who is fine with making your baby ill to keep you in your place as he sees it.

Yetanotherwinter · 08/12/2019 10:15

Christ! Your baby is four months old and he doesn’t even know how to make a bottle. Has he done it before properly? He should be able to do it with his eyes shut by now. Are you actually giving him the opportunity to learn to be competent with the baby or stepping in all the time because he’s not doing it properly, ie your way. I’m not suggesting this is the case, just asking.

Beveren · 08/12/2019 10:16

Definitely deliberate incompetence. If he was shaking anything else up in a screw top jar to mix it - say, sauce, paint etc - and found it was leaking, he wouldn't think twice about unscrewing the top and putting it back on properly. Likewise a 10 year old child could work out that you don't leave a baby in cold, wet clothes that have been soaked in milk.

Tell him that strategic incompetence is not going to get him out of doing his fair share.

Original poster

ohfucksake · 08/12/2019 10:17

I've just put one of his cashmere jumpers in the wash with the tea towels at 90. I'm tired.

OP posts:

LucaFritz · 08/12/2019 10:19

And why did you have such low standards to have a baby with this incompetent man child in the first place he's trying it on so he can get out of having to raise the baby he created

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/12/2019 10:21

This morning I asked him to get up with the baby at 0600 as I'd been up loads in the night. He's made a bottle. No fresh milk powder. Not a clean bottle. Just more water in a bottle that had some left in from the night.

I had to read this a couple of times to make sure I understood because I was so shocked. Would he give an adult watered down, off milk? Because that's what he did - fed your baby off milk. Babies can end up in hospital from improperly prepared formula and I've never heard of anyone making it that improperly before.

Beveren · 08/12/2019 10:23

And why did you have such low standards to have a baby with this incompetent man child in the first place

ODFOD. Is OP supposed to have second sight?

YouSawThePlans · 08/12/2019 10:24

He's doing it deliberately. In front of him, tell everyone he can't make a bottle and ask for tips to help him. He won't want his friends and family to know he's incapable of making a bottle and so lazy and bloody-minded that he'd let baby get ill rather than pull his weight.

Original poster

ohfucksake · 08/12/2019 10:28

Prick. I've just told him not acceptable and he needs to step the fuck up. His response "well we will get a nanny or an au pair if I'm not good enough" que sulking face and a stroppy huff

OP posts:

WhatsNextMrsLandingham · 08/12/2019 10:31

Massive red flag from me with this statement! Do not fall for it! Your answer should be something along the lines of "ok, I'll start looking for a nanny, and a cleaner whilst we're at it because I refuse to mother you".

Original poster

ohfucksake · 08/12/2019 10:31

@LucaFritz because the sex is out of this world and he can make pastry from scratch. HTH

OP posts:

GertrudeCB · 08/12/2019 10:32

Try the following sentence.
" You put our child in danger of becoming seriously unwell you moron"

Beveren · 08/12/2019 10:33

He's sulking because his stratagem to get out of baby care isn't working.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/12/2019 10:34

Prick. I've just told him not acceptable and he needs to step the fuck up. His response "well we will get a nanny or an au pair if I'm not good enough" que sulking face and a stroppy huff

Leaving aside the dickish tone, this also makes it sound like it's still in question whether him failing to feed your child and then feeding them a bottle that could have put them in hospital is 'good enough'

WhatsNextMrsLandingham · 08/12/2019 10:39

Does he even acknowledge that using a dirty bottle was not a good thing to do? Does he get why you're angry? Does he even get that you're angry?

SimonJT · 08/12/2019 10:39

I recently looked after a friends baby for the night, at that point I had held a baby once in my entire life. If I could figure out how to make up a bottle then anyone can. Even so, if in doubt look on formula box, google etc all give very easy step by step instructions if you need an ‘idiots guide’. He just couldn’t be arsed.