Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 08/12/2019 03:35

YABVU. Accidents happen, and this one can be attributed to the babysitter in charge, not your DH.

It’s a valuable lesson for your DD that if you hold things near a flame, they will get burnt. Just be relieved it was a toy and not her.

NameChangedNoImagination · 08/12/2019 03:36

Your DH didn't burn the bunny though.

ShippingNews · 08/12/2019 03:39

How is this DH's fault? Your DD burned the bunny .

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 03:46

Well he didn’t burn her soft toy, what he did do was leave a lit candle on a low surface where a child could get too close to it which I think is probably the main issue here. I’m a bit surprised the babysitter didn’t blow it out although maybe it happened immediately after you left and she hadn’t yet spotted it.

TBH it reads like maybe you regularly use scented candles to freshen the place up a bit in which case it might be an idea to agree these are only lit when dc have gone to bed. Unless he’s regularly thoughtless about safety I’d guess he forgot about it in the rush to get the place straight and get out. I don’t see any point in being furious about what might have happened, better for you both to consider this a lesson learned

rhubarbcrumbles · 08/12/2019 03:51

Your DH wasn't even in the house so YABVU to blame him.

The babysitter was the one who was supposed to be supervising your children but either way both you and your DH are being ridiculous to light candles to make the place nice for a babysitter when she's going to be supervising young children.

TotalRecall · 08/12/2019 03:58

Huh? I don’t even understand your title? Confused Your DH didn’t burn the bunny, your DD did. Your DH wasn’t even in the house! Hmm

You sound like hard work.

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2019 04:05

While the babysitter was in charge they probably didn’t think to go around the house looking for candles that the parents had lit and left down low in reach of the kids. Because most parents don’t do this. Just like babysitters would not go around the living areas checking for open boxes of rat sack parents had left lying around within easy reach of kids. Same thing. This one’s on your DH.

steff13 · 08/12/2019 04:05

Why did the babysitter let her get close enough to the candle to burn her bunny?

kateandme · 08/12/2019 04:08

perfect time to teach her about fire,candle,flame safety.
but no not your dh fault.

steff13 · 08/12/2019 04:10

It was an accident. They happen. The could wasn't hurt. We've probably all made mistakes that could have resulted in our children being hurt, if things had gone differently. But they didn't, and we are more careful next time. Apportioning blame isn't helpful.

ArchieStar · 08/12/2019 04:11

Another in the not DH camp, sorry.

puds11 · 08/12/2019 04:15

Not DHs fault. Where was the child minder I all this?

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 08/12/2019 04:17

The title of this, and your post, seem like distant cousins to what actually happened. This would be what the Daily Mail coverage of such an event would be like.

YABVU to be furious. It seems tremendously unfair to react so so strongly against your dh. You worked together as a team to still be able to go to an event and then there was an accident which was caused by momentary, rushed thoughtlessness, your daughter being left unattended and your daughter having no awareness of fire or to keep away. Out of those three factors the last thing that should happen is you go OTT on your dh because the end result is a singed soft toy. There are so many worse outcomes just from that scenario.

Anyone can make a mistake, some of them can be pretty scary, you talk about them, never repeat the mistake, and move on.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 08/12/2019 04:29

Agreed that your DH isn't in the wrong here. At all.

Your DD burned the bunny and the babysitter didn't stop her.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/12/2019 04:36

Leaving lit candles around small children strikes me as a bloody stupid idea.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 08/12/2019 04:38

It's not your DH's fault. Your babysitter should have been watching more closely imo.

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 04:42

It’s disproportionate to be so angry with your dh but I don’t think it’s particularly your babysitters fault either. Did they even realise a candle had been left lit?

Your dh should have been responsible for making sure it was extinguished but I do think it’s daft that apparently no one in your house has given any thought to keeping naked flames out of the reach of your dc?

Thank your lucky stars that only poor bunny got disfigured and reevaluate your risk assessment skills.

PapayaCoconut · 08/12/2019 04:45

DH didn't "burn DD's toy", but he did make the house unsafe. As a PP pointed out, the babysitter wouldn't have expected there to be lit candles in the house, at least not within reach of the DC. Very stupid thing to do.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/12/2019 04:46

I’d be furious with your idiot husband. Ffs leaving a candle alight on a coffee table. I wouldn’t even do that now and my dd is 11. I have a family member, who nearly died after an incident with candles. They were an adult btw.

Honeybee85 · 08/12/2019 04:54

It was an accident. Yes it was stupid what your DH did but it wasn’t malicious. I probably could have made the same silly mistake.

I can guarantee you that if he’s a decent parent (and I assume he is) he will feel v guilty over the bunny burning and he won’t make the same mistake again.

steff13 · 08/12/2019 04:59

Did they even realise a candle had been left lit?

Presumably she saw it when she was watching the child.

Prevegen4U · 08/12/2019 05:21

It's the OP's husbands fault because he left an open flame burning in a home with children. The child might have run in the other room and poked her bunny's face into the flame without the sitter even have time to know or to stop her before the bunny got singed.

Many years ago my house burned down because some idiot lit a candle without my knowledge. The flame set the curtains on fire. I lost everything I owned. Luckily no lives were lost.

LolaSmiles · 08/12/2019 05:23

The candle on a low surface was a silly thing to do, but I'm not sure you can argue he caused the damage. He didn't burn the soft toy and spinning it as such is unreasonable.

Using the same logic:
I'm furious at DP for ruining our rug because they left a cup of coffee on the coffee table when we went out, and when my parents were babysitting it got knocked off and has marked the rug.

Creepster · 08/12/2019 05:30

I am horrified he left a candle burning unattended.
He needs a course in household fire safety before he does more damage. There are a few good ones on Youtube he can watch.

PenelopeFlintstone · 08/12/2019 05:30

Yabu and I ticked the wrong box Blush

Swipe left for the next trending thread