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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
CactusAndCacti · 08/12/2019 09:24

I am not sure why the babysitter has any blame in this.

DH shouldn't have lit a candle there, so whilst a lot of blame for the situation occuring has to be placed at his feet, he didn't burn the soft toy. I would imagine though that candles around is quite usual so you both need to address that.

Other than that, be thankful it wasn't worse and move on.

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2019 09:26

Lighting candles for someone who has no idea they are lit isn’t making the house nice, it’s leaving them with a potential accident.

I agree with pp it’s not the babysitter to blame here.

corythatwas · 08/12/2019 09:27

I'm from a culture where candles are far more used than here, but I also find we are more cautious around candles. You light candles for a special moment of stillness when you are all watching them and watching any children around.
My parents still have real candles in their Christmas tree, but they would never ever walk away and leave a lit candle in the kitchen.
You need to either have that attitude or not use candles at all.

stophuggingme · 08/12/2019 09:40

I was thinking I would be reading a story about a controlling bullying husband who threw his daughter’s comforter in the fire or something.

If I was the babysitter I would think you were both very lax parents.

I have three small children and it wouldn’t even cross my my mind to put a lit candle on a fucking coffee table and then walk off.

Very careless and also incredibly lucky that far worse didn’t happen which it could easily have.

greathat · 08/12/2019 09:49

I wouldn't be furious about the bunny, but I would be about the unsupervised candle!

00100001 · 08/12/2019 09:56

children and bunny rabbits aside.

leaving a lit candle unattended is the issue here imo.

Wellmet · 08/12/2019 10:04

I must live on a different planet.

It's just a candle. Children should be taught how to behave safely around naked flames....my children are in scouting and are taught to make fires from the age of 5.

A soft toy was slightly burnt due to a miscommunication between adults. Your DD was not hurt and has certainly learnt a valuable lesson. This is a non-event.

Serin · 08/12/2019 10:05

Just dont have candles in your home around small kids. You wouldnt smoke around them so why pollute their air with all sorts of potential toxins.
If they are lit to mask a smell then you just need to clean more thoroughly.

Straycatstrut · 08/12/2019 10:06

A candle within reach of a small child?

When firefighters fitted our smoke alarms (they were attending a gas meter that was smoking next door, so came and fitted us some free ones) they told us the vaaaast majority of house fires start with candles.

I only ever have my candles on a pyrex tray ontop of the cooker now, no kids can reach. I usually only light when they're in bed too.

YouSawThePlans · 08/12/2019 10:11

I wouldn't be furious with DH at all. I'd expect a babysitter to notice a candle especially when a child is close enough to it to burn a toy. It's not good enough to say the babysitter might have been with the other child. Even if there hadn't been a candle, your DD could just as easily have fallen against the table or climbed on top of it in the time it took to burn the toy.

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 10:12

My parents still have real candles in their Christmas tree

Complete digression, but I bet that’s beautiful Xmas Smile

(Although I’d be in reaching distance of a fire extinguisher! Grin)

formerbabe · 08/12/2019 10:14

Candles are a really stupid idea when you have small children...

ChristmasCroissant · 08/12/2019 10:19

There must be some kind of epic backstory going on here for your DH to be solely blamed for something that three adults appear to have missed!

billy1966 · 08/12/2019 10:25

Leaving a candle lit and going out is the height of stupidity.

The bunny is collateral damage.
Be glad it wasn't the house.

Don't allow him near a candle again.🙄

dellacucina · 08/12/2019 10:25

OP, be honest: is this 'flame'?

Nomorepies · 08/12/2019 10:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

QueenOfTheFae · 08/12/2019 10:43

How is this DH's fault? Your DD burned the bunny

This

BestOption · 08/12/2019 10:46

It’s not the babysitters fault When the OP & her DH left she was supervising the children eating in the kitchen. So presumably she was still with the other child/cleaning up when the 3+ year old went into the lounge.

It’s a perfectly normal thing to do, to allow a 3+ year old to go into their lounge unsupervised.

No one in the right mind & with any sense lights a candle and leaves the house -let alone when you have small children

It’s all on him, the idiot that lit a candle on the coffee table & didn’t put it out.

Given you seem to use candles a lot, I’m surprised your DD didn’t have more awareness of the danger of them though. A lesson learnt. Poor bunny 😢

FrostythefeckinSnowman · 08/12/2019 11:05

What was the babysitter doing when your DD was holding her soft toy over the flame of a candle??

Is she a teenager?
If so, I would be more furious with the babysitter for sitting playing with her phone.

MinervaSaidThat · 08/12/2019 11:05

YANBU, but your mistake is that your Aibu should have been 'I am furious that DH left an unattended candle burning and didn't tell anyone about it before leaving the house'.

He's a fucking idiot, YANBU to be angry.

Purpleartichoke · 08/12/2019 11:16

He left a candle burning unattended in a place that could be reached by a child. Even attended, you don’t put open flames at child height. I’d be furious.

woogal · 08/12/2019 11:17

Buy a new mouth for it on eBay if it's plastic

Original poster
500miless · 08/12/2019 11:42

Okay... my title was all wrong. I hardly ever light candles but DH does only once the kids are in bed. On the very rare occasion I light a candle when the kids are home, it would be placed out of their reach. Hence DD not having a clue about the dangers they pose.

I’ve calmed down a little now but was just so upset with him for leaving a candle lit, particularly somewhere DD could reach it! Things could have been a whole lot worse but I just feel awful for DD and her bunny 😔

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 08/12/2019 11:54

How badly is it damaged?

icanhearapindrop · 08/12/2019 12:09

I’m quite surprised to be in the minority here, but I think YANBU. Your DH lighting a candle, not telling anyone, and going out leaving it alight, is very dangerous! I’m not sure how you or the babysitter should be liable for this. I don’t go around checking for lit candles unless I know they have been lit. Yes, it was obviously a mistake, but it doesn’t mean it is anyone’s fault but your DH.

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