Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
SnowyRacoon · 08/12/2019 05:43

It could of been a lot worse than a burnt toy, your DC could of been burnt, your house could of caught fire. How irresponsible of your DH to leave it unattended.

joystir59 · 08/12/2019 06:18

Ban candles! They are such a fire hazard.

joystir59 · 08/12/2019 06:20

Left a candle burning on bedside table once and woke up to flames licking their way ferociously along the wooden bedstead. Candles are stupid.

Beautiful3 · 08/12/2019 06:22

Candles are dangerous. I knew of someone who lost everything in a house fire, caused by a candle. They did the same as you. Lit them then forgot to extinguish them, and went out for the day. They are banned in this house, except for our christmas meal. They get blown out straight after. It's not worth it.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 08/12/2019 06:24

No idea why you would have candles in a low surface with kids. That's pretty dumb.

However your babysitter should have been on the ball, and you should be really annoyed at her lack of care

blackcat86 · 08/12/2019 06:28

I was imagining DH standing around a bonfire laughing (scary cult cloak optional) not a candle accident. TBH it's both of your fault for not checking the house properly before you left, leaving candles in reach of children and not drawing the babysitters attention to it.

Yoollyball · 08/12/2019 06:29

I'm with you - candles on coffee tables with young dc is just plain dangerous. However, the fact it was on the coffee table in the first place means that this is maybe a normal location for a candle in your house - if so you are both responsible.
I wouldn't blame him for forgetting to blow it out in the rush to get out,, the error was made long before that. If I was the babysitter I would be angry that that I'd been left an unsafe house and wouldn't babysit again.

daisypond · 08/12/2019 06:41

I’m surprised you have decorative scented candles at all when you have young children. I think the fault is yours and your DH’s. We did sometimes have candles on the dining table when my DC were young, but only lit when we were all present and extinguished when we were all present, and well out of reach of the children. Why wasn’t the babysitter watching the child? But no great harm done. It could have been worse.

SleepWarrior · 08/12/2019 06:54

It's not great, but I wouldn't waste time being furious with anyone; just make a joint decision to change the way you use candles in your home.

As for DDs burned rabbit, that's crying out for a special story about how mummy and daddy went out for the night and rabbit took his chance to run away to the circus to try his hand at fire eating. It didn't go very well - he burned his mouth and came home with his tail between his legs before mummy and daddy were even back from dinner.

Aridane · 08/12/2019 06:55

DH = Bunny Burner

Sorry - but the idea of bunny with burnt mouth did tickle me

SheOfManyNames · 08/12/2019 06:55

I'd be annoyed with him for leaving a lit candle unattended in a room nobody was in - it sounds like you were all in the kitchen at the time?

Goatinthegarden · 08/12/2019 07:01

I have no children and I wouldn’t put a candle on a coffee table. Candles go on tall surfaces out of reach of being bumped by anyone and away from anything that could catch fire. Think uncluttered mantlepieces and shelves.
Or the dining table when everyone is sat at the table eating.

Palaver1 · 08/12/2019 07:06

Why would you put candles on .
Please take this as a warning they are ever so dangerous.thank your stars that you didn’t have a real fire.
I will never forget my colleagues situation whereby they had tea lights on and some how there was a massive blaze they lost everything.

speakout · 08/12/2019 07:14

Candles in a home with small children is never a good idea.

I would stop using them altogether until the children are much older.

DeathByPicolax · 08/12/2019 07:14

How have you worked this around in your head to be the fault of your DH? It's crazy having a candle where you put it and then leaving the responsibility of it to someone else! Take responsibility. Candles are a fire risk. They also produce particulates that lodge deep in lungs. Scented candles often have limonene in them which is a terrible pollutant.

TheWinterCaillech · 08/12/2019 07:19

You know what’s nice for a babysitter? Decent biscuits in a tin without a post-it saying ‘Help yourself’
Not a lit candle that could have set fire to your child and the house.

TheWinterCaillech · 08/12/2019 07:20

with not without!

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 08/12/2019 07:21

This could have been so much worse. A singed soft toy is nothing compared to the many other possible consequences of leaving a naked flame in reach of a child. I don’t blame your DH any more than I blame you. Chalk it up to experience, thank God it wasn’t your daughter that was burned and move all candles/matches/bleach/medicines etc out of her reach.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 08/12/2019 07:23

Aye, you and your dh need to be more fire hazzard aware.... Seriously.

As for bunny, might be time to invest in a spare. As for the burn on bunny, well sew a wee patch on it and give your child a this is why we stay away from fire talk.

The babysitter did nothing wrong, i guess that she didnt realise that a stupid adult left a candle in a dangerous low child can reach place. Hmm

So the buck stops with you and dh, you both need to be a bit more risk aware. The fire service will happily send a fire person to your home to talk to both of you about fire saftey and what to do should there ever be a fire emergancy.

Pinkyyy · 08/12/2019 07:28

YABU, your DH didn't burn the bunny. He had good intentions, just not a lot of common sense. How old is your DD? I'd have thought if candles were a hazard you wouldn't have them around the house.

frostedviolets · 08/12/2019 07:29

I'm in the minority here but I would be cross with DH.
I wouldn't be going nuclear over it, but I certainly would be cross.

He lit it, he knew he had young children yet lit it on a surface easily reached by them, why on earth didn't he think to check it was extinguished before he left??

But I would also be cross with the babysitter who surely must have noticed the lit candle, it sounds like it was in an obvious place and didn't think to blow it out.

And I'd be cross at myself for not thoroughly checking for candles throughout the house before leaving.

Pinkyyy · 08/12/2019 07:30

Ah I see she's had the bunny for 3 years so is at least that age. She should definitely know never to go near fire by now OP.

SunshineCake · 08/12/2019 07:41

Why wasn't the babysitter watching her ? And why doesn't your husband have sense to not leave a candle burnin in a room with no humans ?

Why should the OP have checked the candles were out? Why not the person who lit them ?Hmm

Bunnybigears · 08/12/2019 07:44

I would be annoyed at DH for lighting candles and not being responsible enough to extinguish them before he left the house. I would be annoyed at babysitter for letting DD near the candle and not putting it out the moment she saw it was lit.

itsmecathycomehome · 08/12/2019 07:50

Well it's not really anyone's fault is it? It's just an unfortunate accident and thankfully no real harm was done.

Both you and your dh lit candles to make your home nice for the babysitter.

In a rush, you left the house and both forgot to check the living room.

The babysitter, perhaps just after you left and before she'd even spotted the candle, allowed your dc access to the lounge.

In fact, thank the babysitter for acting so quickly. She must have responded well if all that happened was a singed soft toy body part!