To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

[500miless]

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

In my loft is a toy dog called sandy. He used to be on wheels but when I outgrew that my dad to him off his trolley for me.
Some time in the mid seventies I stood sandy a bit close to our coal fire. His fur is singed, one eye a little melty and his nose is a bit ski whiff.
I'd never part with him and his brush with impending death is part of my childhood.
Bunny will survive his brush with a candle and be there to demonstrate why they are a bad idea to his owner as she grows.

How is it the husband's fault? Sounds like some innocent mistakes on all sides, yourself included TBH.

Also, just sayin:
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bunny%20Burner

I would have tied it to the stake.

DH was at fault for leaving the house whilst leaving a candle alight.
Anyone blaming the babysitter is totally out of order.

You need counselling

I genuinely never realised MN was so against candles

Totally DH’s fault for lighting a candle where a child could reach it, and unattended, and didn’t inform babysitter. Babysitter could have been washing up, on the loo, getting a drink, whatever and would naturally presume that you’d left the lounge safe.

I’m unclear as to how a candle sitting on a kitchen worktop with absolutely nothing else around it or hanging near it etc could cause a fire tbh. Assuming it doesn’t get knocked over or anything. If it’s literally just sitting there.

Just watch out that long hair doesn't drift too close to the flame.

All candles are 'literally just sitting there'.

The trick is to have them sitting in a place where nobody could ever be burned by one.

YABU to blame your husband about the bunny but YANBU to be angry about the candle, he should have definitely blew it out.

I don't know how old your DDs are, but we look after children in our home and there are very strict H&S standards about having candles lit, especially when little children are around. I love scented candles but have had to use them very little, in recent years. So I'd have looked at diffusers or something like that.
But your DH didn't have malicious intent, surely. No real harm done (luckily) this time, but don't expect a babysitter to responsible for something they don't even know about.

What are you on about? He did not burn her toy!

He was at fault for leaving the candle alight, but we all make mistakes. Candles should not be left at a level that a child can reach. In a house with children I would use the fake ones. Although popular candles are dangerous!
As for the bunny, it should be possible to repair him. Buy some closely matching fabric and fix him as best you can, or ask a friend or take it to a sewing shop. My daughters favourite fluffy toy had part of his face bitten off by a dog. Simply tell your daughter that bunny needs surgery. With small children, it is not just the toy, but the smell of it.

Fortunately, you did not have a serious incident. Lesson learned - no more candles.

Well it'll teach her a seemingly necessary lesson on fire since she has a dad with no common sense.

Really, the throwing away of all candles should be the consequence. No more candles.

Why do you care more about making the house look “nice for the babysitter” than you care about your children’s safety

I agree. Seems insane to rush round lighting candles because the baby sitter is coming over. I'd usually just make sure there's no pants on the bathroom floor and not too much Lego on the floor in case they step on it!

But OP didn't light the candles, it was her DH.

She blew out the candle she saw (in the kitchen) whilst the DH did fuck all. Probably relying on women to sort it for him.

1. he did not burn the bunny.
2. you are both in the wrong for using candles when a squirt of Fabreeze is sufficient.
3. you are both in the wrong for not checking the candles before you went: his actions were a mistake but yours were negligent.
4. I'm on the fence about the babysitter: on the one hand she probably didn't realise there was a candle on the table but on the other she she have been watching the kids.

YANBU to be cross but YABVU to lay the blame solely on him and to go so overboard.

It was a mistake. Buy a spare bunny, learn and move on. The punishment does not fit the crime.

If you keep your house clean, and smell free, you wont need the emergency use of candles

You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Both your DH and the babysitter should be ashamed of themselves.

Your DH should never have left a candle unattended anywhere.

The babysitter would surely have seen the candle, if she was keeping an eagle eye on your daughter, and she should have put it out immediately.

Candles, fire and children do not mix !!

Even though she knows how paranoid I am about fire, My SIL lit a candle in her bedroom and then came downstairs.

The wind caught it, and the curtains were set alight.

VERY luckily my smoke alarm went off in her room.

I grabbed the fire extinguisher and rushed upstairs, and saved my house from going up in flames. It was already a bad blaze with a lot of damage.

I told my SIL to get her bags and get out.

I could have lost my precious home because of that stupid woman.

DH backed me, and was just as angry with her. He keeps in touch with her but I have never spoken to her again.

Wow. I cannot believe how many posts think you are being unreasonable!

All these people have obviously never experienced a bad fire in their lives.

My neighbour had a chip pan fire that exploded in her face, and she took a week to die.

Just one candle can cause a terrible fire in no time at all.

I wonder how these people would vote if they were victims of a fire ?

Or if they "just" lost their entire home ?

3) you are both in the wrong for not checking the candles before you went: his actions were a mistake but yours were negligent.

DH lit the candle and didn’t tell anyone or blow it out. So how the hell is OP is negligent? Engage.your.brain.

RTFT Lyndsay , no one thinks that what happened is ok wrt there being a candle.

The voting responds to different aspects of the OP.

@BlouseAndSkirt

@lindsayincroydon is 100% right and you need to RTFT. And yes posters did think it was ok, one poster said:

I’m unclear as to how a candle sitting on a kitchen worktop with absolutely nothing else around it or hanging near it etc could cause a fire tbh. Assuming it doesn’t get knocked over or anything. If it’s literally just sitting there.

Some remedial viewing of Fireman Sam needed around here, I think.

Minerva yes a person did say that.
And I think one person said ‘it’s just a candle ‘ and this thread ... oooh, how many posts now? The vast majority saying that one or all 3 of the adults were negligent / irresponsible etc.

But anyway...,

Your DH lit candles you blew 1 out, at that point you should have asked your DD had he lit anymore. If you didn't know about the 1 left burning how would the babysitter know about it if no one told them? You said they were all in the kitchen when you left and maybe you DD went into the room without the babysitter. I think it was silly lighting/having a candle so low down that your DD could reach, so lessons need to be learnt about where the candles are placed in future. I think the fault does lie with your DD as they are the 1 that lit the candle and left without blowing it out or informing the babysitter about it.