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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 08/12/2019 07:53

If I was babysitting it wouldn't occur to me to consider that there would be lit candles in the house because it's such a stupid thing to do. Was it in an obviously visible place?

itsmecathycomehome · 08/12/2019 07:55

"I would be annoyed at DH for lighting candles and not being responsible enough to extinguish them before he left the house."

Accidents happen. I've flooded my bathroom because I was too irresponsible to turn my tap off. I've crashed into a parked car because I was too irresponsible to press the brakes. I've smashed glasses because I was too irresponsible to hold them properly.

People have lapses of concentration, genuinely forget important things and are human.

When it happens to us, we know it was unintentional and forgive ourselves. When it happens to someone else, they're irresponsible idiots.

OP, be kind. I'm sure he's kicking himself. I'm equally sure you'll do something just as daft one day.

mathanxiety · 08/12/2019 07:55

It's a mistake to light candles when there are small children around. DH shouldn't have done it, and when he did, he should have remembered to blow it out.

I would be Hmm with a babysitter who didn't blow it out too. And if you knew of the lit candle on the coffee table before you left then you should have given it a thought as well.

The bunny might be salvageable with a patch, or some embroidering.

I don't have candles anywhere my cat could get to and never had any when my DCs were small.

You both really should be more fire aware.

pictish · 08/12/2019 07:55

Not your dh’s fault I don’t think. Just an accident. Don’t be FURIOUS with him.

speakout · 08/12/2019 07:59

Well it's not really anyone's fault is it?

Well yes, it was neglectful, and it was the fault of you and your OH.

OH lit the candles, he possibly saw you blowing out one in the kitchen and maybe assumed you were about to extinguish the other one too. So a lack of communication perhaps?

Elodie2019 · 08/12/2019 07:59

As others have said, your DH didn't burn the bunny.

Agree with the poster who said patch up the bunny with your DD and use this unfortunate incident to
a) teach your child about fire danger
b) rethink your use of candles around young children

andpancakesforbreakfast · 08/12/2019 08:00

might be an idea to agree these are only lit when dc have gone to bed.

no no no

Kids need to learn. They MUST be supervised of course, but unless you keep them locked in your house until they are 10, they need to learn for their own safety about
candles, flames, cookers and hobs, open fire, hot water tabs, electric plugs... (touching a motorbike... parents are so stupid about that one!)

Accidents happen a lot more often when kids don't have a clue because no one told them

Weird to light up a candle for a babysitter, discuss with your DH about leaving candle when one of you is not in the house, but YAB very U to be furious.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 08/12/2019 08:00

It was an accident, no one is hurt so no need to catastrophize. If she's been attached to the rabbit for 3 years it's time to unattached now anyway, in don't think it's healthy to have such a dependent relationship on a stuffed animal. If she was sleeping when you returned the rabbit is not essential for bedtime.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 08/12/2019 08:01

On another note, not having at least 1 spare of the favourite soft toy/comforter is a big mistake - too late but you are making your life so much harder.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/12/2019 08:01

He didnt actually leave the candle unattended, there was a babysitter

emilybrontescorsett · 08/12/2019 08:02

You shouldn't have candles where children can reach them.
At the end of the day it was an accident.

FakeChristmasTreesaremynewnorm · 08/12/2019 08:06

As a bit of a forgetful person I would never use candles except on birthday cakes. They are so easy to forget and cause an accident.

You had a lucky escape and not much damage done, so learn from this incident to be a lot more thoughtful about using candles.

dottiedodah · 08/12/2019 08:06

I personally am not a great fan of Candles for this very reason really. DH was just trying to make it a bit more cosy for the Babysitter though ,so try not to be too cross with him .Maybe just keep Candles for special occasions only and just in 1 room from now on

daisypond · 08/12/2019 08:06

But which room was the babysitter in? You need to be in the same room as a candle. I extinguish a candle whenever I leave the room if there’s no one else there, even if it’s just for a minute.

IScreamForIceCreams · 08/12/2019 08:07

You should be grateful it's just a bunny-burn, it could have been a lot worse.

PixieDustt · 08/12/2019 08:09

Agree it isn't your DH's fault at all

Shmithecat2 · 08/12/2019 08:13

Yabu, come on, he wasn't even home! Your babysitter was in charge....

I'm pretty impressed tbh that your DH was thoughtful enough to light candles in the first place. My DH has complete apathy for little touches like that.

Baldcrusader · 08/12/2019 08:16

Yabu. Although on many occasions I've been tempted to leave an open bonfire near the talking Bing.

Lweji · 08/12/2019 08:16

You both lit candles with little ones around. It's something you're both comfortable with, so you're both to blame.

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:18

I feel sorry for your DH, TBH. It was hardly his fault. What kind of childminder let’s a kid go near a light candle??

Throwawayteachere · 08/12/2019 08:18

YABU, your husband wasn't even in the house.

Babysitter really shouldn't have let your child put her toy over a candle? I can't imagine ever letting a child in my care play with a candle.

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:20

Accidents happen a lot more often when kids don't have a clue because no one told them

Totally agree with this. DS is 2 and we always point out hazards to him. He knows the oven is hot, he knows not to go near the log burner etc (not that we ever leave him alone in a room with these things)

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 08/12/2019 08:20

Nobodies fault. Your husband lit candles. You extinguished them, or so you thought, and he thought. The babysitter came in and didn't realise that a candle was lighting. Your daughter went into a different room to the one the babysitter was in (not unusual either, especially with 2 children in the house). Your child held her toy over the flame and it got singed.

You are definitely being unreasonable "To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!"

From your title I thought he had thrown it in the fire in temper.

You should be furious at yourselves (plural) for not double checking that all candles that were lighting were extinguished.

StreetwiseHercules · 08/12/2019 08:26

Entirely accidental on a stressful day. Your need to blame and be furious is concerning.

Are people not allowed to make mistakes? Or is it only you who is allowed?

diddl · 08/12/2019 08:28

Well I'm thinking that the babysitter must have been pretty close by to have prevented things being any worse.

Thank your lucky stars it wasn't worse & know that it won't happen again.