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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
edgen2019 · 08/12/2019 08:58

Lock all candles away until the children are at least 25! lit candles and children do not make for a good combination

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2019 08:59

I would be very worried about a babysitter who allowed a small child near a candle in the first place. I don't see that it's your dh's fault.
I hope bunny can be mended though.

speakout · 08/12/2019 08:59

So why blame for burning the bunny, he didnt.

He is responsible though.

It's a bit like that game when a child comes walking forward with spinning arms, eyes closed saying "don't blame me if you get hit".

Sre you suggested leaing an unattended nurning candle is not the OHs responsibility? That he bears no blame for the incident?

Being negligent is not an abdication of responsibility.

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2019 09:00

They’re a triumph of marketing over sense really, especially with dc around.

speakout · 08/12/2019 09:02

I would be very worried about a babysitter who allowed a small child near a candle in the first place.

How do you know she even knew it was there?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 08/12/2019 09:02

So why blame for burning the bunny, he didnt

He is responsible though.

He isn't the babysitter, who was supposed to be looking after the children, is responsible.

Autumntoowet · 08/12/2019 09:03

YABU for worrying about the bunny instead of looking at the source of the problem: unattended/ unmanaged candles.

Regarding Bunny, my favourite feature on my teddy was a face injury that I treated and cured.

CentralPerkMug · 08/12/2019 09:03

Candles are stupid
No, like most things, its the users who can be stupid! Lighting candles when you might fall asleep isn't really very sensible is it!

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2019 09:03

The babysitter wouldn’t have let her play with a candle would she. The child most likely just walked into a room and the babysitter didn’t know it was there.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 08/12/2019 09:04

How do you know she even knew it was there?

It was placed on the coffee table in the living room. Do you think she never set foot in there?

MsRomanoff · 08/12/2019 09:04

He is responsible though.

Thats different to 'you burnt the toy'. That's the point.

JacquesHammer · 08/12/2019 09:04

He’s an idiot for leaving candles unattended with small children around.

Fairly rudimentary fire safety.

LemonTT · 08/12/2019 09:05

There is bound to a big drip associated with this. I predict replacement baby sitter was an in-law.

Strangely I’ve also never seen a man light a candle unless told to do so. That bit is quite remarkable

MsRomanoff · 08/12/2019 09:06

It was placed on the coffee table in the living room. Do you think she never set foot in there?

She may have been in the kitchen and assumed the child would be safe when it went into the living room. The babysitter might nor have been in the living room.

I mean op claims to not know it was there either so she hasnr been in the living room, recently either.

lowlandLucky · 08/12/2019 09:08

Why the hellwas a candle on a table within reach of small children ? Is your Husband an idiot ? I would be more than loody furious

Wintersnowdrop · 08/12/2019 09:09

I would be furious that the Dh left a candle burning in a house without telling the babysitter. That’s really dangerous and it could have been worse than a burnt toy

LynetteScavo · 08/12/2019 09:11

Your DH left a candle in the coffee table when you have small children? I would be furious.

I would also question my judgement on the choice of sitter. If I was babysitting I would have removed the candle.

So your DH didn't burn the toy he he left a candle burning. I'm sure you're relived your child.

NerrSnerr · 08/12/2019 09:12

He was very unreasonable to have left the candle on a low surface when you have small children. He didn't burn the bunny though.

Smelborp · 08/12/2019 09:14

I agree with others that I would expect the house to be safe for children so I wouldn’t have thought to check for lit candles they could reach.

Using scented candles to make the house nice for guests is completely unnecessary though.

Flibbitygibbit · 08/12/2019 09:14

Why would you even have candles with small kids ??

GreatGallopingSarah · 08/12/2019 09:15

Your DD is technically the one at fault but of course she is little so you don’t want to blame her.

Dh shouldn’t have left the candle there
Babysitter shouldn’t have left the candle there
You and your dh should have taught your dd more about fire

So there you go, lots of blame to go round but really your dh wasn’t responsible for your dd when it happened so no, not his fault.

corythatwas · 08/12/2019 09:17

The babysitter was the one who was supposed to be supervising your children but either way both you and your DH are being ridiculous to light candles to make the place nice for a babysitter when she's going to be supervising young children.

This. You were both irresponsible leaving lit candles around with nobody to keep an eye on them. And that goes for you leaving one in the kitchen too. Candles are lovely things, but they need even more supervision than small children.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/12/2019 09:18

Ban the candles!

Baboomtsk · 08/12/2019 09:20

I think you both need to learn a lesson about the danger of unattended candles. I would always extinguish a candle when leaving a room with or without kids around tbh.

On a more general note, you and your DH are planning to be together for the rest of your lives. Accidents and mistakes will happen. Are you going to be furious every time? Should DH be furious when you make a mistake? Or do you think you're infallible?

In this instance I suspect that your anger with your DH is at least in part a way for you to deal with your own sense of guilt and the horror at what might have happened. Did you tell DH that you'd blown out the candles not realising or having checked that there was one in the living room?

Displacement is a commonly used psychological defence mechanism. However, it can have toxic consequences for relationships in the long term. Just try to be conscious of that in the future.

DurhamDurham · 08/12/2019 09:22

It's negligent to light candles and then go out without letting the babysitter know where they are, how was the babysitter supposed to know that there was a lit candle on the coffee table, I think your husband needs to take the blame for that as he lit it.

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