To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

[500miless]

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

Why is he lighting candles where a 3 year old can reach it?

YABVU.

Not your dh’s fault.

It's an accident but you shouldn't have candles on with a small child around unless they are up high. Mine are either on the worktop or on the windowsill. Kids can't get close. I do not actually use them much anymore but if I do I tend to blow it out as soon as I've washed up or whatever x

Babysitter really shouldn't have let your child put her toy over a candle? I can't imagine ever letting a child in my care play with a candle.

Perhaps the babysitter didn't know it was there.

It's a pretty fair assumption as a babysitter that there will be no burning candles around in a home with young children.

DH lit the candle then left it unattended on a low surface accessible to a child. He then went out for the evening without blowing it out. The babysitter probably hadn't even noticed it. You were lucky DD didn't set the whole house on fire, the bunny would have been the least of your worries then.

This is all on DH. If you light a candle you have to take responsibility for it being safe and you blow it out before leaving it. He ought to check out the Fire Service advice re candles. They are a major cause of house fires.

There appears to be more than one child, so the childminder might have been watching one in the kitchen whilst the other one went into the lounge. She might have had no idea there was a lit candle until she smelt the burning!

This is brilliant. I thought weird over the top first time parents were made up. Yet here we are. Mental.

Your DH shouldn't have lit the candle, simple as that. I see most here are team DH but actually you are right.

& I did babysitting in my teens, whilst I wouldn't go around looking in every room, I'd have gone across & popped my head in whilst DC walking into another room out of my sight, it's what you do isn't it...? I was 14, even I'd the sense at that age to have a quick check/follow.

I wouldn't expect to find a lighted candle but since I'd got off my arse I'd have seen, and outed it.

Word of warning if you're going to post about being angry with your man on MN, you are going to get majority on his side comments of the type to make you feel like shit. It's like a sport on here.

Sorry about the bunny but the main thing is your DD didn't burn herself, thank God. Teach her fire awareness but still keep an eye on candles as kids are over-curious as it is, saying 'don't touch/go near' won't mean she never will.

Actually, teach your DH fire awareness too. No lighted candles when going out of the house and especially when you've not told anyone & flame is on a low surface.

Not your dh’s fault.

Who is at fault?

The babysitter? The OP? The babysitter? THe child?

Or is having a naked unattended flame just one of these things that happen spontaneously like tripping over a step or dropping a plate?

Someone lit the candle. Someone neglected to extinguish it.

This was not just a chance happening.

IDK how anyone can say this is ok. The OP's partner left a naked flame going! I suppose people do forget stuff, but even so.

All the adults here played a part.

Having candles in teach of children is stupid.

Checking the house before you leave is normal.

Babysitter probably didn't think to check the room before allowing the child in.

But just because people could have done something differently or made a mistake, it doesnt mean there has to blame and fury

Not dh fault, however I'd be more concerned he left a candle lit where your dd can reach it.

I agree no need for "blame and fury", but it has to be recognised that there are reponsibilities here- this was not an act of god.

He didn’t did he. But I wouldn’t keep lighting candles why invite that kind of accident

It's a pretty fair assumption as a babysitter that there will be no burning candles around in a home with young children

To add to this, candles in jars that have a small flame aren’t immediately obvious in a lit room.

He is at fault for not checking on candles he lit however.

Hardly your dh fault. Sounds like it's a lesson learnt, don't leave candles lit around the house. I also bet your childminder will now sweep any house for lit candles. Personally I'd never have had a lit candle in a house with young dc full stop

I don't think YABU to be annoyed, You are however unreasonable to have candles lit in a house with small children. Especially if they are on coffee tables, they should, if used, be out of reach.
I'd ditch the candles and get some febreeze if your house smells.

The title of this, and your post, seem like distant cousins to what actually happened. This would be what the Daily Mail coverage of such an event would be like

^ this.

How is this your husband's fault? You both have the mad idea that scented candles are anything other than vile. You both think it's a good idea to light them with small children around. Just bin the candles. FWIW, I am still paranoid about candles, and my DC are 16 and 18.

Be glad the accident was very, very minor, and move on.

YA also BU for calling it a bunny. It's a rabbit.

I agree no need for "blame and fury", but it has to be recognised that there are reponsibilities here- this was not an act of god.
But that's what OP is asking. Is she unreasonable to be furious that dh burned the soft toy.

While dh lit the candle he didnt burn the soft toy. So why blame for burning the bunny, he didnt.

And why the fury. Has she asked if she was unreasonable to tell dh he should have made sure it was our and discuss the dangers and ban candles from the house, fair enough.

But OP is quite clear

He did a nice thing. Your dd will have learnt something important about fire. I get your panic and fear. Your job is to respond proportionately and help her manage her feelings about having damaged bunny, not blame someone else!

So, your babysitter let your DD go near a lit candle with her bunny and you are furious with your DH?

I think you're furious because you're imaging the worst case scenario of injury or death to your child - which could have happened. But it was a catalogue of errors here, you both shouldn't have candles in a home with small children, he shouldn't have been lighting them when you're frazzled, rushing and certainly not leaving them in reach of children, and the babysitter probably should have spotted it but then again she probably wasn't expecting you to leave dangerous hazards lying around. One of those near misses you're very lucky was only this bad. Burnt bunny is probably a good starting point for a fire safety talk with your kids.

As others have said, toy irrelevant, leaving lit candle on low surface, very very stupid indeed.

The babysitter may have been with the other child. The answer is ditch the candles.

Crazy to light ones they can reach. Any really imo. I always remember a local building burnt to the ground from a lit candle.