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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend takes recreational drugs

167 replies

Emsnaity · 08/12/2019 02:14

Hi,
I am just after some advice on whether I am being unreasonable in my request or any sort of advice on how to go about my situation.

My boyfriend does recreational drugs, a mixture of things from coke, pills and ketamine when he is out with his friends and has done for a while, I never used to like this in the start but came round to the idea as I didn’t want to control his life.
I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and have expressed my feelings to him that once our LG is here I don’t want him taking those anymore simply because I don’t want it around her. I know he would never bring it home but my view is if it’s in him and he’s with her then it’s around her.
Every time I mention this to him he just laughs and doesn’t take me seriously.
Am I being I unreasonable?
Do you have any advice on how I can deal with the situation or a way I can handle it better?
Sorry this post is so long

OP posts:
Ebonyandivory2 · 08/12/2019 02:34

He’s an addict. Leave. I’m not opposed to the odd bit of fun on a night out maybe but he’s doing way too much

safariboot · 08/12/2019 02:38

Easy LTB from me.

Wildorchidz · 08/12/2019 02:41

Leave him.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2019 02:44

There's no way he can be an effective parent using drugs to that extent.

WhereverIMayRoam · 08/12/2019 02:48

Do you have any advice on how I can deal with the situation or a way I can handle it better?

No. It’s not for you to deal with or handle, you’re not the one taking drugs. Frankly, there are no right words or a special approach you can take that will suddenly make him see the light so if you’re thinking you just need to find a way to get through to him you’re wasting your time. If you’re considering somehow working around his drug taking in order to convince yourself it’s ok and not a danger to the baby then you’re deluding yourself.

The only advice I can give is tell him to shape up or ship out and mean it.

mrbob · 08/12/2019 02:54

YANBU (apart from getting pregnant before you sorted this out) He won’t change. And he clearly puts himself ahead of you OR his child

ParkheadParadise · 08/12/2019 02:54

Leave him.
My dd started taking recreational drugs occasional when she was at university.
It didn't take long to spiral out of control.
She came back home, went into rehab and met her boyfriend.
Drugs took over her life, she totally changed. As a parent is was horrendous to watch.
After 3years she finally seen sense and dumped him and got clean.
She was brutally murdered by her ex partner 4yrs ago. I fucking hate drugs and what it does to families.

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2019 04:21

Yabu. He's the same now as he's been from day 1. You knew what you were getting into but still decided to have a child with him.

Ragwort · 08/12/2019 04:23

Why on earth did you choose to have a baby with him? Leave him.

pinkstripeycat · 08/12/2019 04:26

He may take them recreationally but the are not recreational drugs. They are addictive and can kill. He won’t change

Aquamarine1029 · 08/12/2019 04:47

You were unreasonable thinking he would ever be a decent father. Get rid.

PapayaCoconut · 08/12/2019 04:48

That was a bad choice of father for your child, but I'm sure you know that. I don't think it's possible to make other people give up drugs.

sobeyondthehills · 08/12/2019 04:57

So your boyfriend is taking both coke and ketamine in one night?

AlwaysCheddar · 08/12/2019 05:17

Loser! Ltb.

OneDay10 · 08/12/2019 05:22

I never used to like this in the start but came round to the idea as I didn’t want to control his life. well what a fool you are. And to think he would just change because you are pregnant. Its very irresponsible of you to have full knowledge of his drug addiction and knowingly have a baby with him.
I do despair at how desperate some women are.

showmewhatyougot · 08/12/2019 07:42

You can't deal with or make
This situation better, it is what it is.

You choose to have a child with someone you knew did drugs. You did this knowing you had issues with it.

If he's just laughing it off he obviously has no plans to stop, and honestly if I were you I would be planning my exit as I wouldn't want my child anywhere near him until he could prove he was clean. It's dangerous!

Betterbegoing · 08/12/2019 07:53

I’m not sure why you chose to have a baby with someone who does drugs, when you’re so fundamentally against drugs Confused that seems ridiculously irresponsible. He won’t change, and you were being naive at best to expect him to. Leave him, it’s really your only option here.

Appreciateyourthoughts · 08/12/2019 07:59

No baby In this world deserves a drug taking parent. The fact that you knew he took drugs BEFORE you got pregnant means you have no right telling him he must stop & makes you a hypocrite. I can promise you now, his drug taking and going out with only get worse a few months after the baby is born because it's not an easy adjustment.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 08/12/2019 08:02

Nope.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 08/12/2019 08:09

Why are you with someone whos primary relationship is with drugs? Not you and not your child.

By taking the drugs that he takes he is supporting the flesh trade, sexual exploitation, violence, abuse, county lines, child exploitation.......

Have you read how cocaine is made and trafficked?

And you chose to have a child with this person? Hmm

Seriously op, you have not made good choices here.

Lgxo · 08/12/2019 08:11

I’m sure OP doesn’t mean that he’s going out every weekend taking mass amounts of drugs. Probably just whenever he goes out with his friends every month or so. It’s still not ok, but Jesus people, stop attacking her.

My friend was the same, she thought that the baby would change her partner. It didn’t, and he still continued to take drugs. He would never take them and then care for his son though. She started drug testing him every time he would come round to see their son (she moved back with her parents after giving birth) and would not let him see their son for 2 weeks if he failed. Eventually he started getting help as not seeing his son was more torture than having “fun” with the lads.

Maybe you should put your foot down and suggest you will be doing something like that?

CallmeAngelina · 08/12/2019 08:12

Thanks for parkhead.

Inliverpool1 · 08/12/2019 08:17

My younger brother did all of the above. The day he found out his partner was pregnant it stopped. He’s not even smoked around her, because she and the baby were the most important thing not drugs .... and he can’t afford it now 😂

RoseHippy1 · 08/12/2019 08:21

I’d be preparing to be a single mum , sorry.

Morgan12 · 08/12/2019 08:27

Honestly when the baby is here how often is he actually going to go out with his friends?

How often is it happening just now?

Is he taking all these drugs at the same time? Or pills at a concert once a year? Coke once a month? We need more info really.

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