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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DD2 to change her cat’s name

441 replies

busybarbara · 07/12/2019 17:15

I’m posting this on behalf of my DD who is too mortified. She’s expecting her own DC (my DGC) and had picked out a name that only a few of us knew. Let’s say it’s “Honey” (it’s not but just for example)

DD2 out of the blue has got a kitten and has named it Honey, of course.. Confused DD1 is mortified and has asked me to see if I can get DD2 to change the name of the kitten! AIBU to try to do this?

Yes I’ve seen all the “two names in the same family” threads and have no problem with it when it’s people but having the same name as an animal seems potentially offensive?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2019 06:02

Poor bloke.

GhostEmoji · 09/12/2019 06:22

I'm with my other profile here.

  • getting with someone's ex is not THAT big a deal surely? Why would you care? They are an EX. I honestly don't think this would bother me. I don't have a lot of exes to be fair
  • DD2 apparently chucked the bloke because she thought he was at fault for their failure to conceive. Even if she didn't, they have split up for whatever reason. It's over. They are both free agents, as was the other sister.
  • we have no idea that the DD2 cares. She's a bit aloof is all we know but willing to spend Christmas with them
  • cats and humans sharing names is fine but your DDs can discuss it themselves with their mum's involvement
  • all cats I've ever known (many!) do definitely answer to their names. It's wrong for some PP to suggest they wouldn't.
GhostEmoji · 09/12/2019 06:23

*without their mums involvement

AlternativePerspective · 09/12/2019 06:34

Yes I’ve seen all the “two names in the same family” threads and have no problem with it when it’s people but having the same name as an animal seems potentially offensive? well, not as offensive as fucking your ex’s sister, or your sister’s ex.

Let’s be honest here this isn’t just a case of someone going out with a bloke for a while and then ending it and his becoming involved with the sister some time down the track. They were actively trying for a baby and then he moved on to do exactly the same with her sister. That’s pretty despicable and I would have made my feelings on the matter very well known far before they were stupid enough to conceive a child.

And that’s one fucked up child they’re going to be bringing up, knowing that her dad used to be with her auntie and that they were trying for a baby at some point (because the truth will out, even if it’s when the child is older,) So I think the name of a kitten is the least of anyone’s concerns here.

FWIW search shows that OP has been a regular since at least early 2018 so sadly I’d imagine it’s real.

AlternativePerspective · 09/12/2019 06:42

- getting with someone's ex is not THAT big a deal surely? Why would you care? They are an EX. I honestly don't think this would bother me. I don't have a lot of exes to be fair It depends on the dynamic though. Casual boyfriend with no commitment? Meh, wouldn’t bother me although it would still be relevant how the relationship ended e.g. if it was because of violence/abuse I would take issue.

Ex who you had been TTC with? Of course it’s an issue. Especially because the ex is now having a baby which the sister was unable to have, that’s like rubbing her nose in it. My ex did similar actually, we weren’t able to conceive because of his low sperm count apparently, came to terms with it and was actually quite at peace with not having any more. But as soon as he got his now partner pregnant he texted me to tell me, even though he didn’t usually speak to me from one month to the next. I have absolutely no doubt that he was texting to gloat. I could care less, but if it had been my sister I think I would have disowned the pair of them.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 09/12/2019 06:58

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WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 09/12/2019 06:59

I would call the kitten Lucky Escape myself, although that's more of a racehorse name I suppose.

#OverInvested

BilboBercow · 09/12/2019 07:05

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ThreeLittleDuckies · 09/12/2019 07:08

Oh this would've made an interesting Jezza episode.
DD1&Hubby are both awful. 1 year is a long enough time to jump between sisters after a serious relationship?Really? Not long enough, if ever, even after a fling. DD1 is obviously the golden child.
DD2 should ditch the lot of you and call her kitten whatever she wants.

BrusselPout · 09/12/2019 07:11

And since a few of you asked for more info there’s not a lot I can add but DD2 and him were TTC for a while but it didn’t work out and they split up over it because she assumed he wasn’t able to have children. Well that clearly wasn’t the case but there was a gap of about a year between them breaking up and DD1 getting with him so I’ve never seen it as a problem although DD2 is a bit aloof about the whole thing but not hostile, we still do family Christmas together

Bloody hell, DD2 was in a serious enough relationship to be TTC and DD1 jumped in after they had only been broken up a year? That is disgusting, you are lucky DD2 speaks to her at all

ItWentInMyEye · 09/12/2019 07:17

Fuckin ell Shock poor DD2!

Honeythekittycat · 09/12/2019 07:23

I am beginning to think the OP is in fact DD1. I hope I'm right because otherwise DD2 has both an awful DS and DM. If someone else has suggested this further down, sorry!

WineOrGinOrBoth · 09/12/2019 07:32

Think you may be right @Honeythekittycat

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 09/12/2019 07:33

DD 2 split with the bloke because she thought it was his fault she hadn't conceived.

NOT NECESSARILY!

Infertility can cause huge pressures on a relationship - it's not just a matter of "you can't get me pregnant, so fuck off". And it seems this prince among was never tested - it was just assumed he was infertile. Maybe he refused to be checked, and DD2 (kitten sister) begged and begged him in case it was something that could be remedied - and he just blanked her? Maybe he got sick of her crying and being depressed and walked out on HER? It's only been a year - her feeling could still be raw.

Whatever the ins and outs, as a PP has said, kittensister is now seeing the life she wanted, with the man she loved, being played out by her sister. Her sister who has shown no solidarity or compassion towards her, but instead has jumped straight into bed with her bloke and immediately got pregnant.

Of COURSE she's upset.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 09/12/2019 07:34

*prince among men - don't know where the "men" bit went.

MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2019 07:41

Bloody hell, DD2 was in a serious enough relationship to be TTC
And then she ended it.

DD 2 split with the bloke because she thought it was his fault she hadn't conceived. NOT NECESSARILY!

Yes. It's in one of the OPs posts. DD2 doesn't sound great tbh.

AlternativePerspective · 09/12/2019 07:42

Well, I knew someone whose dad left his mum for her sister and they eventually all became friends and lived as one happy family.

Similarly I knew someone who was married to someone and when the marriage ended he went on to marry her mother. She is bi and went on to have relationships with women, but still maintained a close relationship with her mum and the man she now refers to as her stepdad. Shock sounds all a bit messed up from where I’m standing but it does happen.

Lizzie0869 · 09/12/2019 07:54

Maybe she did leave him because she thought he was infertile. But the OP seems keen to present her in a bad light, so I wouldn't consider her the best judge of kittensister's motives tbh.

CalleighDoodle · 09/12/2019 07:55

Taken so long to read the thread it has probably moved on.

But op, everything you write your phrasing tries to make dd2 sound in the wrong. You will lose your daughter if you dont deal with why you do that.

MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2019 08:03

Leaving someone for being infertile is actually pretty shitty. And now he is happily married and having a baby and he still gets blamed.

ThreeLittleDuckies · 09/12/2019 08:15

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wonkylegs · 09/12/2019 08:15

My SIL & family called their dog the same name as DS1 a few weeks AFTER we'd named him. It's a fairly standard boys name not common for dogs. We were slightly Hmm at the time but we got over it fairly quickly.
I'd stay out of it, they can always talk to each other rather than use you as a conduit.

FairytaleofBykerGrove · 09/12/2019 08:17

Your dd2 isn’t aloof. She’s hurt.

Lizzie0869 · 09/12/2019 08:17

Yes it would be, I know. I am genuinely infertile and our DDs are adopted. My DH isn't and at my low point I did ask if he wanted to leave me. If he had, though, his family and mine would have thought it shitty behaviour.

But if that were really the case, why wasn't that the AIBU rather than what DD2 had chosen to name a flipping kitten??

EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/12/2019 08:19

Those updates put a whole new slant on it.

Neither dd sounds great. I did have sympathy for ds2 until it turns out that she dumped her ex for being (apparently) infertile.

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