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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DD2 to change her cat’s name

441 replies

busybarbara · 07/12/2019 17:15

I’m posting this on behalf of my DD who is too mortified. She’s expecting her own DC (my DGC) and had picked out a name that only a few of us knew. Let’s say it’s “Honey” (it’s not but just for example)

DD2 out of the blue has got a kitten and has named it Honey, of course.. Confused DD1 is mortified and has asked me to see if I can get DD2 to change the name of the kitten! AIBU to try to do this?

Yes I’ve seen all the “two names in the same family” threads and have no problem with it when it’s people but having the same name as an animal seems potentially offensive?

OP posts:
TheWildWoods · 08/12/2019 23:18

I feel really sorry for dd2, I hope she named the cat 'mittens' on purpose and goes nc with you all!

Dd1 is clearly your golden child isn't she?

Ginger1982 · 08/12/2019 23:33

"And since a few of you asked for more info there’s not a lot I can add but DD2 and him were TTC for a while but it didn’t work out and they split up over it because she assumed he wasn’t able to have children. Well that clearly wasn’t the case but there was a gap of about a year between them breaking up and DD1 getting with him so I’ve never seen it as a problem although DD2 is a bit aloof about the whole thing but not hostile, we still do family Christmas together"

Yuck!! Poor DD2. Not just an ex but an ex she was TTC with?? Gosh your DD1 must feel so smug.

Ricoetbello · 08/12/2019 23:40

Dd2 ex was probably eyeing dd1 the whole time. No doubt. 1 year isnt much
Dd1 is obviously the golden child

TotalRecall · 08/12/2019 23:40

And since a few of you asked for more info there’s not a lot I can add but DD2 and him were TTC for a while but it didn’t work out and they split up over it because she assumed he wasn’t able to have children. Well that clearly wasn’t the case but there was a gap of about a year between them breaking up and DD1 getting with him so I’ve never seen it as a problem although DD2 is a bit aloof about the whole thing but not hostile, we still do family Christmas together

WHAT?!? Your poor DD2!!! She has to watch her sister have a baby with the man she was TTC with?! And you don’t see anything wrong with this?

I stick by my original golden child comment. It’s very clear who’s your favourite.

If I were DD2 I’d never speak to any of you ever again.

ShinyDolphin · 09/12/2019 00:08

And since a few of you asked for more info there’s not a lot I can add but DD2 and him were TTC for a while but it didn’t work out and they split up over it because she assumed he wasn’t able to have children. Well that clearly wasn’t the case but there was a gap of about a year between them breaking up and DD1 getting with him so I’ve never seen it as a problem although DD2 is a bit aloof about the whole thing but not hostile, we still do family Christmas together

😱😱😱😱😱

Riv · 09/12/2019 00:23

Can you be sure that “Honey” isn’t a name DD2 and her ex had discussed and favoured when they were TTC? She may have chosen to call her cat that name now DD1 is having the child she longed for- as an attempt at comfort.
It puts a different light on the situation if DD1 is claiming the name for her child. ( she may not be aware of what she is doing but it would be hurtful non the less if I am right)

VanyaHargreeves · 09/12/2019 00:38

@Riv

I would be willing to put strong money on the name being discussed and favoured when DD2 was trying to conceive and the BIL knows this but not DD1 necessarily.

It's rare that I feel this sorry for a complete stranger (DD2) and I think more so because her mother must openly favour her sibling to an embarrassing degree as OP is clearly blind to what DD2's needs and POV might be here.

gokartdillydilly · 09/12/2019 00:39

This is a warning to never ever ever tell anyone what you plan to call your unborn baby

Riv · 09/12/2019 00:45

@VanyaHargreeves I totally agree.

VanyaHargreeves · 09/12/2019 00:47

This is a warning to never ever ever tell anyone what you plan to call your unborn baby

Kind of hard not to tell the baby's prospective father in this case, no?

So bloody messy, sisters partner swapping is so grim and as a PP said Jeremy Kyle

CarolwithaC · 09/12/2019 00:57

Wow.... I know it's different strokes for different folks but stuff like this amazes me at how warped and backwards some people are. Your family is a mess. Your poor daughter must be secretly heart broken. She was trying for a child with this prick and now he has knocked her sister up instead. Doesn't matter if it's been a year or ten years your preg daughter should be ashamed of her actions, and you should be ashamed for accepting her actions so causally (it seems). Your daughter has commited and unforgivable crime between family. She's broken an unspoken law of siblings. I'm amazed you let that guy in your house. His seed has been all over your family tree. When the child is born your other daughter might look at it like "you coulve been what my child would have looked like" same genes and same guy. Gross and creepy. How can people let their families get so warped and messed up like this. Were you one of those mums who bought her daughter's condoms when they were in school and let guys sleep over all the time. Because that's the only way I think you get to the point this situation is at, by having this stuff seem normal.

gokartdillydilly · 09/12/2019 01:26

@busybarbara
Noooo, I didn't see the drip feed! Sorry!

Haggismom · 09/12/2019 02:49

We called our dog a name that close relatives went on to call their baby girl. Toddler Daisy and Dog Daisy are now best pals.

crankysaurus · 09/12/2019 03:08

Riv and Vanya" that makes a lot of sense. There's been a lot about DD1 in the responses but the BIL is pretty low to have done this too.

flirtygirl · 09/12/2019 04:35

Op you sound so callous and uncaring towards dd2. Absolutely no thought for her feelings.

Really weird, how you come across.

If I was dd2 I would be nc with all of you. I hope she reads this and realises that she does have a choice other to pretend happy families with you all and at Xmas too.

Dd2 if you ever read this, then wishing you all the love in the world and hope you are at least lc with your mother and nc with your sister.

Dandelion1993 · 09/12/2019 04:41

My mum took in an old dog from her workplace (prison service) that had the same name as my sister.

Never caused any issues and my dd thought it was funny.

GlitterNails · 09/12/2019 04:55

JavaQ - all three of my cats know their name and come when they are called, so cats certainly do know their names (if they choose to respond is another matter!)

SpaceDinosaur · 09/12/2019 05:01

JESUS!!!

So DD2 is in a committed relationship, trying for a baby which doesn't happen. The relationship breaks down as a result. Then her ex loiters for a bit and side steps into her sister's bed, marries her and gets her pregnant.
And you don't think there's a problem?

DD2 is literally seeing the life she, at one point, desperately wanted being played out by her sister with her mother's blessing.
Why can't you see that?

Sister then goes on to tell some people but not her own sister the baby's name.

Yeah, I'm with DD2. This is utter trash

I really hope DD2 makes her cat out of spite. And I really hope that you can see things from your second child's point of view.

SpaceDinosaur · 09/12/2019 05:02

*named her cat out of spite.

I am fucking glad you are not my mother @busybarbara you sound uncaring for DD2

Toomanygerbils · 09/12/2019 05:03

I hope DD2 is a better parent to her cat than you have been to your daughter

fastliving · 09/12/2019 05:11

Wow op that is one fucked up situation your dd1 and her bonking partner have created.
Even more fucked up that you think this is ok.

I have to say I think this is a wind up, surely stolen from an old episode of Jeremy Kyle!

SD1978 · 09/12/2019 05:14

This has to be a frigging wind up- and well played OP. They couldn't have children- he waited a whole year before shagging your other daughter and that's respectful? You're having a laugh now, but welol done for trying.

TotalRecall · 09/12/2019 05:21

DD2 is one of those people Jerry Springer would put his arm around and say “I’m so sorry you were born into this fucked up family”.

MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2019 05:28

Hang on a minute! I think I've entered a parallel universe here.

DD 2 split with the bloke because she thought it was his fault she hadn't conceived. She's not some poor heartbroken heroine of a novel who was dumped because her man wanted her sister. Presumably no tests were taken and no effort to have kids any other way, she just dumped him. If she was really keen she would have persevered a bit more.

So the bloke is dumped and a year later her sister gets together with him. I don't see the problem here. It's not like she was waiting in the wings to scoop him up at the first sign of trouble.

We don't even know that dd2 cares at all really.

And all this talk of I wouldn't allow it, not on my watch etc, well that's just really funny unless the girls are both at primary - in which case having a baby would be grim.

HoppingPavlova · 09/12/2019 05:56

So the bloke is dumped and a year later her sister gets together with him. I don't see the problem here.

It’s an unwritten societal rule that it’s a big no no. Doesn’t matter who dumps who, you don’t then shack up with your siblings ex. End of.

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